hope amid blinding despair

Blinded by anguish and despair
I could not see
all around me the rays of hope.
Blinded by desperation and defeat
I could not see
the rising sun and with It a new day.

Through my heartache and despair
I could not see
all the sympathy poured my way
Blinded by self pity and indulgence
I could not see
the world of loved ones i pushed away.

The burden of despair and heartache
I could not see
Is much less heavier to carry
At times even weightless
If I could only see
That the love around me kept the worst away.

From now on I shall keep my eyes open
for I want to see
the beauty that surrounds me
even in the midst of evil
for I sure want to see
the beauty, love and hope of a brand new day.

I like this, for all its cliches. That's its main problem though--it's waaay too cliche for most people to give it a second chance. The words flow beautifully, the imagery is great, but we've heard it all before. I would love to see all of that greatness applied to a different, more abnormal topic.

Keep writing! I love your way with words!
-BFG

Hello! We had a member near where you live that had the same avatar, so that's amusing too me! But you are newish and stuff, so ha! Anyway, welcome to YWS and I'm glad to see that you've come here recently.

Anyway, There seems to be a hole in your poem, right there! *points* There seems to want to be a transition stanza where you go from being blinded and from where you desire to see beauty. Of course, that seems to be a logical way to think (and it totally is) but why did you come to that conclusion?

So just fill us in with that information. Why do you want to keep your eyes open, even when that means that you see evil and what causes you to think that way? By answering that poetically, it'll make this poem that much stronger.

I feel you you on this one, but this is too easy.

when you want to throw a deep seated pain out here the best way to do it
is find the most painful, disgusting, and Inexplicable aspects of the emotion
and then pull it off....

this poem is of course just a start for you, but you gotta remember that your heart goes nto everything you write, you have to keep true to how your mind works that how you keep from looking every other writer, and feelng that way as well..

always be unique, but don't be a pariah with your work....you can be an individual without trying to destructively rebel.

find a balance between your structure and creativity...
that's one of the keys to becoming a great literary composer.

I am as creative as I possibly can be, but I have structure issues and people let me know it...that's one the best things about this site.

it's really good for clarifying HOW you're supposed write.

the only problem is at times that this get's in the way of people focusing on WHY they write.

for instance: I write fantasy in order to make a revolutionary impact on reality.
but all my readers care about is if I capitalized everything the way I'm supposed to.

so I just want you to know that no matter how many "improvements" you make to HOW you write
never let go of WHY you write, promise me that. K?

Thank you for the reviews everyone, they are all quite helpful and I am working on the poem so keep checking in for the edited version soon. Monument Soul I promise you I wont let go