[04] but I am not treasure

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Note: originally based on this, but has a more direct conection to the metronome's army

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Sometimes, there are storms in the undersky. Arth likes to sit at the edge of the sky and experience the soft wind that slips through, the breeze feels pleasant against his concaved eyes.

Sometimes, rain gets through the tear. The otherlings do not like this. He can remember that last time, last time they screamed and shouted and threw fits on the floor and demanded that the rain leave them because that is not how treasure gets into the otherplace. Arth did not understand; the rain feels pleasant too.

Arth sits and watches the world that exists beneath his stubby black toes. He waves his click-jointed arms at all the things below and wonders if they can see him.

The otherlings have brought treasure. They do not know what it is but say it is bad and leave it to sit in the piles of gifts destined for the undersky. Arth goes to see what they have found, but sees motion in a place where there should be none.

Something erupts through the tear and makes a noise, surprised Arth does in return and moves to hide behind the bad treasure and watch.

It floats in the sky for a while before landing on the cloudy surface of the otherplace and says squawk squawk and hops around from one foot to the next.

Arth watches and wonders and comes away from his hiding place and asks the something if it is treasure or an otherling or something else altogether.

The something says squawk squawk.

Slowly he moves towards it holding out his arms, legs clicking as he walks. The something lets him touch it, gently, and it is made of little bits of soft and warm. It is a creature. A real creature from the undersky and not some cold and static treasure.

Arth sits down and holds the something in his stubby arms and puts his face to its chest. Wind escapes from the something's mouth as its chest moves in and out and Arth asks if it is a storm and rain making creature but the something just says squawk squawk.

Arth smiles.

The otherlings return and see Arth and the something creature and are angry. They demand that he throw it back and when Arth tells them but he thinks it is a storm and rain making creature they become even more angry and say it is even worse than bad treasure. Arth does not understand what bad treasure is and the otherlings will not tell him.

They reach forward to take the warm soft something from his arms and as they touch it it does not say squawk squawk but makes a loud sound that hurts their ears and makes them shriek.

They tell Arth to throw it back but he does not, instead keeping tight hold of it. The otherlings warn him that if he does not let go they will have to throw him away too and Arth asks why because he is not treasure. They lift him up along with the something and throw him anyway.

Arth wonders if he should make a list of things that feel pleasant; wind, rain, creatures, and falling.

The colours and sights and sounds and things of the undersky swallow him up as the tear tumbles further away from the reach of his stubby little arms.

The something creature says squawk squawk.

And so Arth does too.

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Waah! I was originally going to describe the creature more, I'm not sure if you can tell what it's supposed to be, let alone the species I had in mind. I'm not sure if it's important though, so eh.
Last edited by tinny on Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hello, LTF! I quite enjoyed this piece. You did a good job of drawing me in quickly. The voice used here definitely helped me get a feel for the foreign-ness of this place. You left just enough things unexplained, too. I was curious, but not confused.

Also, your grammar looks superb. *claps* There was one bit that was somwhat confusing:

Something erupts through the tear and makes a noise, surprised Arth does in return and moves to hide behind the bad treasure and watch.


This was very muddled. It seems that the part after the comma should be a new sentence, and I really don't understand what "Arth does in return."

This is just a nitpicky thing, but I would have liked a little more description of the otherlings as well. I can't really picture them in my mind, but maybe that's what you want. Just make sure we're not too far out of the loop.

Besides those few things, I really enjoyed this, especially the "squaking creature," which I thought you described quite well. Look forward to seeing more.

--Haley
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