Restraint at its Worst

Does anyone out there think I'm worth it?
Would anyone listen to every little petty plea
To every worry, every bit of self-condemning pity?

These days I feel like curling up inside myself.
No more wasting people's times --
I'll just hide inside myself.
I'll just be talking to myself.

And I will yell and I will scream and I will rage and I will dream
I will let out what has been building up inside.
It's hard to hide.
But stay inside.
I can't let out this side of me.
I cannot let you people see
The pain the hurt the rage the sadness
Coursing through my veins.

I want you to be happy
And I want you to be free
But I want this all to happen and I want you to love me.
I can't explain I can't get out
The feelings that I want to shout

If I opened up my heart to you
You'd take a knife right to the fragile flesh
There would be nothing left.
Is there someone out there
That would be gentle?
Someone that knows just how to use these fucking doctor's tools?
The ones that don't hurt
The ones that leave my heart intact.
I can't explain, I can't let out this pain.

I want to share -- I want to let you know just why I keep myself in side. I can't. I can't I can't.

I apologize.

Does anyone out there think I'm worth it?

Would anyone listen to every little petty plea

To every worry, every bit of self-condemning pity?



These days I feel like curling up inside myself.

No more wasting people's times --

I'll just hide inside my self. <- should be myself

I'll just be talking to myself.
try using a different word than myself. using it thrice is kind of repetitive


And I will yell and I will scream and I will rage and I will dream <---favorite line

I will let out what has been building up inside.

It's hard to hide.

But stay inside.

I can't let out this side of me.

I cannot let you people see the pain the hurt the rage the sadness coursing through my veins.
last line is too long, it doesnt flow with the rest of the stanza

I want you to be happy

And I want you to be free

But I want this all to happen and I want you to love me.

I can't explain I can't get out

The feelings that I want to shout



If I opened up my heart to you

You'd take a knife right to the fragile flesh

There would be nothing left.

Is there someone out there

That would be gentle?

Someone that knows just how to use these fucking doctor's tools?

The ones that don't hurt

The ones that leave my heart intact.

I can't explain, I can't let out this pain.



I want to share -- I want to let you know just why I keep myself in side. I can't. I can't I can't.

this is good, just wheres the punctuation? Besides for the odd period i didn't really see any. besides that, great job. you could really feel the emotion in the words

this is good, just wheres the punctuation? Besides for the odd period i didn't really see any. besides that, great job. you could really feel the emotion in the words

Well, I am contemplating about whether I should add punctuation because it was just a complete outpouring of emotion -- I wrote it in about two minutes flat and didn't stop to punctuate it correctly, in order to show the flow and rush, the flood of emotion. I'm glad you could still feel the emotion! ^_^

Also, I'll fix the myself and break up that one long line, but I like the repetition of 'myself' so I'm keeping that. C: Thank you so much for your critique! ^_^

-Hannah-

Hannah wrote:Does anyone out there think I'm worth it?
Would anyone listen to every little petty plea
To every worry, every bit of self-condemning pity?

These days I feel like curling up inside myself.
No more wasting people's times --
I'll just hide inside myself.
I'll just be talking to myself.

And I will yell, and I will scream, and I will rage, and I will dream
I will let out what has been building up inside.
It's hard to hide.
But stay inside.
I can't let out this side of me.
I cannot let you people see
The pain the hurt the rage the sadness
Coursing through my veins. <-- Whoa deep!

I want you to be happy
And I want you to be free
But I want this all to happen and I want you to love me.
I can't explain I can't get out
The feelings that I want to shout

If I opened up my heart to you
You'd take a knife right to the fragile flesh
There should be nothing left.
Is there someone out there
That would be gentle?
Someone that knows just how to use these fucking doctor's tools? <-- don't really need to use the F-word...
The ones that don't hurt
The ones that leave my heart intact.
I can't explain, I can't let out this pain.

I want to share -- I want to let you know just why I keep myself in side. I can't. I can't I can't.

I apologize.

Awesome, very mysteriously, and interesting. Thanks for sharing.

*Rated R for language*

Thanks for the review, Jordan!

Eeeps, and sorry, Snoink! For some reason I had this thing in my head from how they rate movies and that they are allowed to say that word three times before it's rated R or something. o_O; Ehhh, I'm such a scatterbrain! I'll go re-rate my 'Unzipped' series then too. ^_^ Sorry about that~

-scuttles off-

Well, you warned us about the spitting of rage, so I guess I'm not surprised by what I saw...hahaha.

Anger seems to touch a lot of people. I used to write angrily about a lot of things, because when I was sixteen, rage was all I thought I had. It's interesting and sad to see that so many people still let anger influence their works. I guess that's something about humanity that we'll never understand...but I'm digressing...the work is good, and even a bit unnatural, which is to say that it is unpredictable. I like unpredictable. That makes it just that much more fun to read. Thank you for posting this. I can't say I found any real fault in this that the others haven't already spotted.