Saturday, January 24, 2009
I’ve never liked keeping diaries. Same thing with blogs, really. They take far too much effort, and I never have anything interesting to write about. So, I figure this isn't going to be called a diary. This is going to be my conversations. We keep in touch. It’s difficult, especially when I keep on lying to myself, but things we’ve managed. Recession sucks. All of Asia is going into it. I never had much interest for these things, but it came up one day at school.
In school most of this discussion comes with my friends at recess, lunch, or during homeroom. Homeroom’s focused on Gaza. Come to think of it, I’m not exactly sure what that is. I mean, I know Israel and Palestine are involved, but I’m not sure what else other than that. Something about territories. I hate war.
War ruins lives. It takes them, and pulls them apart, killing not just people but innocence as well. Gee, run-on sentence. Sentence fragment. Again. And again.
…
I’ll stop now. Innocence dies young in war, and like anything else when it dies, you can’t bring it back. Innocence leaves you permanently. When you have it, you’ll see the world as it is. But as you grow older, you slowly lose it. It seeps out of you, like a leaky tap. Did you know a tap dripping at one drop a minute can amount to hundreds, even thousands, of dollars in water cost each month? Gah, getting off of topic.
In war, innocence dies young. I know I already said this, but I have to mention it. I can’t emphasize this enough. War has no reason, war has no victors. War only leaves sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, all without families. War just pulls us apart. War is pointless. But saying that, it feels like I disrespect all who died there. I just don’t know what to say. Emily, explain it better.
Are you alright? I know you’re upset about war, we all are. But this, you can’t go on like this. We’ve already lost innocence. Once we realize the world isn’t like what we think it is- once we know that the Easter Bunny isn’t real, or Santa Claus doesn’t really come- we lose it. We can’t redeem our view of the world, no matter how hard we try. It just doesn’t work that way. And no, I can’t explain it better. You have your own way of explaining things, just as I do.
Fine, you can delude yourself. But slip once, just once, and it all comes down. The ‘smashing ball’ of reality, since I forgot what you call it, will come crashing into your fantasy and bring it all down. Yeah, that smashing ball thing is like a cannonball on the chain that’s on the crane. Can’t remember right now… Too much to think about. Far too much. You’ve left me with a lot of time, Em. Pushing me away to keep up your façade, that’s got me some free time. A lot, actually.
I can’t elaborate more now, Emily. I gotta get to sleep. You do too. So, let me ask you one thing. War, as you say, is bad. But why? Tearing apart families, taking away innocence, I’ve heard all that. But why do you think war is bad? Sheep follow other sheep. I know you’re not a sheep. I don’t like to think of myself, or you, as a sheep. So what’s your reason? What’s your reason for wanting, for liking, for hating? Do you want to be a sheep? Or do you want to be a ram, a leader?
…I don’t know.
