2010 #1

Collecting the random, dispersed fragments. ^_^

Just so its easier to read, in the way I'm writing it.

Only doing it now because I have the points XD.

Any and all thoughts appreciated.

This is without a doubt one of the finest things I've read from YWS. I mean that, too. No joke.

The switches between characters worked very well as a transition. The story was creepy, but I haven't read something so mysterious and yet entertaining like this in a while. So for me it was a real pleasure reading this.

Also, character dialogue and interaction was spiced up very well, a nice tough to the story. I didn't know what to expect, but you really made it interesting to read how these characters interact with one another.

So overall this is a huge success to me so far. I couldn't find something to rant or complain about, so I'll give you a 'job well done' instead.

^_^

Ah, a happy customer. You gladden my heart with such tidings, traveler. Ha! Go random archaic phrasing, w00t.

Seriously, thanks very much for the comment.

Cheers

[I shall be adding more soon]

It's almost not worth you reading the review on account of how few comments I made but here's a few more to add to those:

Overall I found this to be rather splendid. Your multiple perspectives worried me a little as I moved through because I couldn't find myself getting attached to any characters in particular but as I reached the end that started to change and I have a feeling it would soon smoothen out if I read more of the novel.

You had some lovely vivid scenes and generally they were a touch gruesome too but I felt a little distant from the action in places and would have liked to see a little more touch and sound as opposed to sight. That's minimal though and you certainly get by splendidly without it.

Here you go, I hope you find something to sharpen your teeth on:

This is a week after the last post but I thought I'd say something anyway o: I'm finding a lot of things on this site that I do enjoy. This is my favorite, and I say this not even ever being interested in any kind of story like this.

I was surprised at how well written this is, it invokes a lot of emotion and that's what writing should do. I also especially liked how the narration and the characters dialogue went together so well, like super well. And I could tell the difference in narration and thought, or it was really easy to connect the two. It almost got to the point where it's like "That's what I was thinking" and then "That's what they said!" kind of thing. I'm impressed, good sir, and your art. You're descriptions are very very nice too. I do enjoy when I can get, literally, lost in what I am trying to conjure. It's very nice.

I was especially fond of 6 and 7. I have to admit though reading this I was confused as heck I had no idea what you were talking about and all. I really did like it, and the humanity of it all. Kudos from me. I don't really have anything to change or whatever. You write really well, I'm looking forward to more.

Thank you for writing this, I am a better person for having read it.

Oh, well thank you both for those very nice comments.

Cheers

Hi, I'm a bit late for this, but it was a captivating story and kept me enticed the whole way through. The plot was a stroke of genius and the character intertwined in a web that made it impossible to guess what the next person would do. I really hope that you do continue with this. It is VERY impressive for a 19 year old. Good luck with writing the rest of it, and I hope it gets published!

^_^

Cheers.

Really, all comments are appreciated.

The short version is this is the most well written and thought provoking piece I've read on this website. You are extremely talented. I guess I mostly just wish it was longer The long version is attached. Let me know if the download doesn't work. Feel free to PM if you have any questions or have written more of this. I hope I could provide help for you!

-Pattycakes

Hey there, Patty

Sorry for just catching this now, I realise you posted this quite a while ago. This is, though, one of my older pieces and that's why I don't check on it much. Some of the writing feels a bit dated to be honest. As for the biblical-references, well, they're intentional of course - it's almost entirely founded upon those sort of allusions in that the story is basically my imagining of the Apocalypse, step-by-step - which in turn, is why it's a bit dense at times, what with the names and the characters and the mysteriousness of it all. To be honest, although I can craft a sort of linear narrative from it all, its just my madcap creativity exploring the darkest places I can haha.

I sort of see this as a graphic novel, or comic series, as well. It's very visual in my mind and that is sort of why its so episodic in nature. I found your comments and suggestions thoughtful. Definitely appreciate the effort you put in, so cheers for that dude.

I got through six paragraphs of edits, and I tried and tried, but the story just wasn't really grabbing my attention. I think you should just add more about the guy getting murdered and not describe the janitors clean up in execisve detail. I don't understand the body would still be there. Other than that, you have a great horror novel and it will get you far.