LOL, yes, it's the ending that kills it. But I sort of like it... it doesn't get unnecessarily gory or anything. It's quite funny actually.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
Glad you liked it! And I edited your post slightly so it would fit.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
I believed that you were an old man; and mind you, that wasn't very good, lol. I kinda got creeped out. I thought that this was going to be serious...Snoink was going to meet a person and then...do who knows what. Well, thank heavens that it didn't turn out like that!
Where do you get it from? Your talent to write and be able to make people laugh?
Favourite lines:
Sometimes, if I want to flirt with the girls, I twirl my fingers around my beard. My girlfriend says I resemble a monkey when I do that. She’s just jealous.
Now that was just the best! I was laughing till tears came to my eyes.
and
So it comes to no surprise when I was horrified that people might have “figured” out the truth. It was humiliating, to say in the least. Perhaps it was my fault. After all, I did pick the horrible name of “Snoink,” which can be taken either way. Maybe if I picked something such as “Pixyunicorn322” I would be taken as a girl. But no matter. I was determined to act my part, no matter at what cost.
Now that is my kind of humour.
There's just one thing:
Once more I looked around, noticing a new elderly couple driving around the park. I watched them drive by.
This might have been for humourous effect, but I just wanted to point out this doesn't completely make sense, since in one sentence you stated that you noticed they're driving round the park, and then you said you watched them do so.
Okay, I"m not making sense either.
But still. This was a masterpiece.
Sarah
xxx
Had I the heavens embroider'd cloths,
I would spread the cloths under your feet.
But I being poor, have only my dreams,
So tread softly, for you tread on my life.
and it's well written.
