Hope For The Hopeless

A poem I wrote when I was feeling down. I am not thinking about suicide or anything. Just felt the need to be depressed...


I bite my fingernails.
I chew my lip.

Does that make me disgusting?

I curse, complain,
and love to fight.

Does that require a shushing?

I sneeze. I breathe,
like every human does.

Or maybe I’m not human,
and I’m here just because.

I have a life.

I have a soul.

I really am not revolting.

Just look inside my heart;
Maybe you’ll find it jolting.

Like the moon that rises up at night
and settles in the morn’.

I’m like that little moon,
By myself and torn.

You never will know my ways,
or understand my fears.

I’m trembling now, outside, alone.
Left with nothing but my tears.

But I can be free.

I can be alive.

I only need to plunder on.

But I’m not sure I can do it,
now that all my hope is gone.

Just a little nudge in faith,
can help my heart restore.

But the little knife that is in my hands,
can cure the pain that sores.

I close with a final word,
that I whisper to the air.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

I close my eyes tight.

And I end this one long fight.

Hey there!

So, while reading this I can't help myself but point something out regarding poetry. Poetry is an amazing form of self expression and can be great to get your emotions out and help you to deal with life, but normally the poetry that helps you relieve yourself isn't the same poetry that's engaging to the reader. I'm not suggesting you don't use poetry to help get your problems out, simply that good poetry takes a lot more than emotion and a writing utensil.

You have a good base idea for this, but for all the words you use, you don't say a lot. Your subject matter is narrow, so that only you really know what you're writing about and you're the only one who can relate to it. Open up your idea, express and describe the emotions and decisions fully. Don't just tell, show. It's a hard concept to get at first, but I'll tell you the best place you can learn how to do this: read poetry. Honestly, the best way to learn how to write poetry, I've found, is to read a lot of poetry. If you've yet to read any poetry, I highly suggest you skip over to your local library (if it's open this time of year! ) and check something out. I'm incredebly fond of Spenser, T. S. Elliot, Dickinson, and Ezra Pounds. If you don't want to go to the library, you can find a lot of good poetry online, too. Once you see someone expressing emotion in poetry, it becomes a lot easier to write.

If you have any questions, feel free to message me!

P.S. You can find some good poetry here also(with reviews ;))... I found some pieces that can easily be compared with some of famous writers. Also see Suzanne's "guide through poetry." viewarticlebody.php?t=18790
It really made some things clear to me... Later...

Hm. Interesting poem! What I like the most is that you touch on the whole dehumanizing of a person. That is, you go from relatively simple remarks and bring it full turn to a full dehumanization of a person, so much so that the narrator thinks that the pain she feels is not worth feeling since she isn't fully human anyway. Or at least that's what I see anyway.

At the moment, I don't really see why the narrator would kill herself. Sure, she's biting her nails and whatnot, but I don't see how that would lead up to the thoughts that she has that end up killing herself. And I understand that she doesn't feel like anybody understands her. And I understand that this sort of loneliness can definitely induce people to kill themselves. But I don't see it for her case. The despair isn't evident. And maybe you biased me by telling me that you weren't actually thinking up suicidal thoughts (haha, yes, that's why we don't like introductions for poetry! XD) but I still don't see it.

So! I would suggest coming up with a timeline. Do some brainstorming! How does your narrator go from feeling disgusting to feeling inhuman and therefore not worth living? This is a really interesting subject, so the more you can expand on this and make it more realistic, the more you can sell it to your readers. And then you'll have a really lovely poem. ^^

Happy editing!

I think it was great. But the very end, as in the last line seemed out of place to me. Anyway, I think you expressed your emotions and art at the same time.

Wow. That was very deep written. Very beautiful but so ugly. I loved the feeling that flew through me as I read the words. I thought that this was amazing. Like I have told everyone else, I am no good at scanning poems for grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors in anyone else's writing, but my own and sometimes am no good at that either. I just review the words and feeling and the strength of the writing. That, my friend, I am good at. And that, my friend, is one thing that your writing had. Strength. That is all I have to say on the matter. Awesome, sweet, totally wicked, radical, etc..

Well, this is my first review, and I'm happy that I'm starting of with something simple yet really interesting.

I think the poem has rhythm, but I think you can work more on the opening lines, because I think you have ended it really well. The major thing that I liked about this poem was that, you gave a glimmer of hope in the middle and took it away. That was well done, and I also think it takes some amount of character to end a poem like that.

Well, I dont want to relate this to what you're feeling I'm just seeing this as a work of your creativity, and based on that I think that it's really good. As, I said before I think you can work on the beginning lines and also think of some alternatives for words like 'jolting' and "shushing" though they sound good, I think it seems a bit of out of place here.

Your rhythm is spot on, I believe you really don't have to be worried getting too emotionally involved with you write, because that can bring the best in you. And don't try and follow the good old guidlelines, stretch them a bit.

Looking forward to some more poems from you, take care.