Some people

This could be good, this could be bad. i think a poet doesn't always have a great poem. He or she can have bad times too. So if this is one poem on a bad time, please tear it apart. Say what you think and have no limits
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Some people are torn to pieces,
by a break up or an unshared love;
Some people shed many tears,
others make them disappear.

Some move on,
others simply can't.
Some hide their pain away,
others try to change their boring day.

Some are afraid of being alone,
others think in an empty room.
Some are too depressed to think,
others too sad to blink.

Some never believe in love again,
Others, to ease the pain,
Write, as I do.

Okay. I don't know...

Some people are torn to pieces
By a break up or a unshared love
Some people cry their hearts out
And some scream and pout

The first two lines start well. It isn't powerful but it starts well.
The 3rd line does alright and can be a nice benefit, but the forth line just killed it.
It has nothing to do with it. You really need to change that line.

Some move on
Others simply can't
Some hide the pain behind a smile
Others change style

It can still work...change the last line. If you don't want to, make it at least like this:

"Others change their style."

Also, the 3rd line is too long and breaks that tempo in which it flew and the tempo was good!
I find that the 3rd line is too...I got it!
Just a quick brainwave and you MUST NOT USE IT unless you deeply want to. Chances are, you're just going to ignore this...

"Some hide their pain away,
while others try to change their style/life etc.

Some mumble a song in the hard moments
Others sing with all they have
Some keep a friend close
Others are alone, I suppose

Okay.
The first line is too long and immediately breaks the flow. (Just keep in mind that if you're intention is not to have a flow, don't change it unless the entire point is to break the flow.)

The last line: That 'I suppose' is too informal for this poem. Also, it doesn't fit there.

Some try to figure out what's a lie and what's (I might add a "the" here) true
Others,("try")to ease the pain,
Write, as I do

The ending isn't bad.

All in all: It definitely needs a lot of work. This has potential. Work on it!!

Hope it helps.

Hey there, writewatiwant. I'm Sarah and I'm your reviewer for today.

My main concern with this poem is, though it has a good concept and ideas, you need to use concrete imagery and vivid descriptions.

Love, hate, happiness: these are all abstract concepts. Many, maybe all, poems are, deep down, about emotions and other abstractions, but it's hard to build a strong poem using only abstractions - it's just not interesting. The key, then, is to replace or enhance abstractions with concrete images, things that you can appreciate with your senses: a rose, a shark, or a crackling fire, for example. The concept of the objective correlative may be useful. An objective correlative is an object, several objects, or a series of events (all concrete things) that evoke the emotion or idea of the poem.

Really powerful poetry not only uses concrete images; it also describes them vividly. Show your readers and listeners what you're talking about--help them to experience the imagery of the poem. Put in some "sensory" handles. These are words that describe the things that you hear, see, taste, touch, and smell, so that the reader can identify with their own experience. Give some examples rather than purely mental/intellectual descriptions. For example: "He made a loud sound" versus "He made a loud sound like a hippo eating 100 stale pecan pies with metal teeth".

That is all. Good luck.

-Sarah

Thanks both for the reviews! I'm going to review it and hopefully improve it

By a break up or a unshared love

It should be an unshared love (hate to be picky but i can find so little wrong with this poem)

Others think in a empty room

I don't understand this. Is it supposed to be 'of' and empty room.

Other than this it is very good and like the message you convey. I love it. Well done.
Dan

Great job on this poem.

I really like the diction and the rhyming. I'm all about rhyming. =]

The only thing that I would change is these lines.

[/quote]Some are too depressed to think
Others to sad to even blink[quote]

It doesn't flow right with line before it. Maybe delete "to even" in the sentence.

But other than that, I really enjoyed this poem.

Becca

Review 4/10

Kat, wow. I'm amazed again. I love your word choice and your sentence flow/voice and tone. There is nothing for me to really nitpick or poin out, because I love it and its practcally close to perfect. Everyone else pointed out everything: Just wok on those gramar things.

I'm sorry I couln't be of more help or write a longer review, but I was really satisfied with the way it was.
PM Me if you have any quetions.
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El

Hey Kat!!

this is so beautiful, I love your rhyme and how the poem flows so easily. This is so good, I'm so proud of being your student.

I don't know if I could nitpick someting, this was incredibly good and well, I'm learning.

Sorry, for not even reviewing, but I loved it.

XOXO
Pudin

Thank you all for the reviews, but I actually hate this poem very much right now xD

It's weak, too simple and out of emotion. Bad author, am I, for ranting about my own work. Thank you all for your help, though! Most welcomed, it is.

- Kat