A Simple Mistake (Prologue) [edited]

OverEasy · 2008-12-03T04:07:27Z

Edit: This is NOT a one shot. There is more coming. Isn’t it ironic, how old habits die hard? Isn’t it just oh-so humorous? When I was six years old I dropped a glass plate on the kitchen floor and watched it shatter, and then simultaneously burst into tears. It had been an accident, of course. An unintentional case of severe butter fingers, but my mind wouldn’t let me believe it. Why did you do that? Now it’s broken and it’s all your fault. You’re so stupid! My mother stared at me, blinking repeatedly. “What the hell is wrong with you? You dropped a plate; it’s not a big deal.” She said, rolling her eyes and picking up the pieces of glass. I sniffled a few times and dried my tears. Nothing was ever said about the broken plate again, but I always remembered that moment. Thirteen years later and I still take that mentality with me. Today was no different. I stared at the locker in shock, not the shock that came with some exciting event that had taken place. No, this was shock at my own stupidity. The key to my locker was inside of my locker. Along with my money, my house key, and my bus pass. All things I was going to probably going to need after I got off work. I sighed heavily and trudged my way to my boss’s office. “Ray, if I accidentally locked my key to my locker inside of my locker, who would I speak to about that?” I asked with a cheeky grin. All humor on the outside, that was me, but inside I was mentally destroying myself. How could you be so freaking stupid, Vanessa Kay? What the hell is wrong with you? You’re disgusting. The problem was that it was a simple mistake. A little blunder that thousands of people had made before me and thousands would make after me. It was easy; unlock locker with key, set key inside of locker, forget, close door, lock locker. I ridiculed myself mercilessly for it. My boss glanced up from his computer. “Take to Jean, I think he handles all the keys.” “Thanks.” I smiled again, a fake cheesy smile that everyone around me knew me by. ‘Oh that Vanessa is so happy all the time, look at that smile.’ I talked to Jean, and the problem was fixed immediately. I should have let it drop right then, but I didn’t. I continued the self torment all day, torturing my own mind with harsh bitter insults. Over a simple mistake.

Merry_Haven

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Sat Jan 17, 2009 2:04 am

Merry_Haven says... · Sat Jan 17, 2009 2:04 am

The only grammar pointer I found was...

My boss glanced up from his computer. “Take to Jean, I think he handles all the keys.”

I think you're trying to say, "Talk to Jean...", instead of saying take.

*OverEasy~

Here are some of my thoughts & comments when reading...

*Should I really worry?~
If Vanessa keeps on worrying over every little mistake she makes, she's not going to move on with life. She doesn't need to worry all the time. If someone made a mistake, wouldn't they get over it? Eventually? Or does Vanessa regret those mistakes that happened? And it keeps on haunting her.

*Overall~
Besides that one grammar nit-pick, I found this prologue quite interesting. And I also found it unusual & a bit usual for a MC to talk to the reader. (just like Theophany Rob said). I guess I haven't read things like that for quite some time.
Anyway, great job! And I'm gonna check out chapter one.

*Merry

Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<

Young gun

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Fri Oct 23, 2009 6:17 pm

Young gun says... · Fri Oct 23, 2009 6:17 pm

So...a take on how we try to imagine the worse when it does not even happen.Thats nice.

Frankly,it is true that we find a simple mistake might make people angry because that is how they would generally want to behave when you make a fault.As we so through your story,people are not as harsh as they seem.Or maybe,the main character is being way too serious,blowing possibilities of negative events way out of proportion.I suppose the story tells us to be more self critical.

I think we can learn to stop worrying too much through this story.

Good work.

Too bad we don't live to experinece death