Gray (VIII)

Scene VIII

(It’s early morning. There’s barely any light coming in through the window. Mute is half asleep, propped up against the bars of Sage’s cell. Blaine is pacing restlessly, and Sage is sitting against the back wall, deep in thought.)

BLAINE: You really should wake him up.

SAGE: He needs to be asleep.

BLAINE: It makes sense that you didn’t tell him for two years. I get that. But it’s the day of. He should say goodbye to you or something…

SAGE: (Sighs and closes his eyes) Please, Blaine…

BLAINE: Forgive me, “Oh wise one.” I forgot that you are the one who knows best for all. (pause) I didn’t mean that.

SAGE: You did. But it was completely understandable.

BLAINE: You should still give him a chance to say goodbye.

SAGE: Not now. He can’t know.

BLAINE: You told me he’s fragile, and that you don’t want to drop him. But if you grip him too tightly, he’ll break then, too.

(During the next few lines, the light gradually gets brighter as the sun rises.)

SAGE: He’s more liable to break if I drop him. He’ll recover, as long as he has the colors.

BLAINE: He won’t have the colors.

SAGE: You can describe them to him.

BLAINE: That’s not what I’m talking about! You know that’s not what I’m talking about! He’s lost color one time already. Don’t take it away a second time.

SAGE: (pause) He’ll wake up when they come. His hearing is too good.

BLAINE: You knew he was going to wake up.

SAGE: I could try to fool myself. But when the truth presses you…

(There’s a clang offstage, and Mute and Prate both jolt awake. Prate immediately goes to his twine. His lips move frantically, silently talking to himself.)

MUTE: Sage, the guards’re comin’! (no answer) Sage?

SAGE: …I know.

MUTE: What’s wrong? You’re worried, I can tell! S’in your voice, I can hear it, so don’t lie to me!

SAGE: I’m not worried, Mute. There’s nothing…there’s nothing to worry about.

MUTE: Somthin’s up, I know it is, so quit lyin’! You ain’t never lied to me, Sage, so quit it!

SAGE: (runs over to take his fingers through the bars) Mute…

(The guard enters, holding a club and a pair of handcuffs. Prate suddenly becomes frantic; his fingers jump, his hands shake, and he’s breathing hard, muttering incoherent nonsense.)

MUTE: What’s goin’ on? What do they want?

SAGE: Nothing, Mute. Go back to sleep.

MUTE: No! I hate being blind! You promised to be my eyes, Sage! You promised! Tell me what’s happenin’!

(The guard opens Sage’s door, making Mute and Prate jump. Guard tries to grab him, but Sage resists. Mute feels the struggle.)

MUTE: (panicked) Sage! What do they want with you? Why won’t you tell me what’s happenin’?!

SAGE: Mute, it’s fine. Everything’s fine.

(The guard finally manage to tear him away from the bars and handcuff his hands behind his back. Guard drags him away, leaving the cell door open. The string in Prate’s hands become knotted and tangled, but he continues to weave.)

MUTE: Sage! What’s…Blaine! Blaine, tell me what’s happenin’! (beat) Blaine! Please!

BLAINE: They’ve left.

MUTE: I know that! I can hear ‘em from here, they’re headin’ up the stairs! But what’s happenin’?

(no answer) Blaine!

BLAINE: I think you know what’s happening.

MUTE: (almost in tears) No! That’s not it! I just can’t see, is all! I just can’t see, and—

BLAINE: You know what happened to the others. All the prince’s tutors.

MUTE: (crying) No! The king don’t believe the prince! It was too crazy a story, ‘cause Sage just wouldn’t say those things!

BLAINE: Mute…

MUTE: The king must’ve found proof that the prince was lyin’. Yeah. And the prince was punished, and he’s settin’ Sage free…

BLAINE: Mute.

MUTE: This is a cruel joke, Blaine! Just ‘cause I’m blind and can’t see what’s really happenin’…

BLAINE: I wouldn’t joke about something like this.

MUTE: Yes you would! Yes you would!

BLAINE: Believe me, Mute, this isn’t something I’d do. And even if it was, how would I get Sage to play along?

MUTE: Quit it!

(Mute sits down and pulls his knees to his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Prate is shaking so much that the twine falls from his hands. He stares at it for a moment, then puts his face in his hands and starts to sob, too. Blaine stands in the middle of his cell, completely at loss, not knowing what to do.

The scene fades to black. In the darkness, we hear the sound of drums progressively getting louder, drowning out Mute’s sobs. When the drums are the only sound we can hear, they break into a drum roll, then stop suddenly. We hear a gallows platform drop.)

Is that it? That's either the end of the first act, or the end of the whole piece.

Naaw. So very sad. Poor Sage.

Keep in mind those points I made before regarding the politics of the situation. I really think it could be extended a fair bit; if you did that, and you had more conflicts between the prisoners and the guards, or conflicts outside - from within Sage's family or amongst Blaine's thieving friends - perhaps a plan to free him? - then I really think this could be something much bigger and better.

Don't get me wrong, its interesting and I like it very much. I just think theres potential for more.

Also,

But it’s the day of.

of what?

OK, the main beef I've had through out this entire script, and now I can finally give it to you. Why is Prate in this piece? He hasn't spoken a word, and while I know you can still develop a character without speaking he hardly ever interacts with the others either. Unless you have assigned him a larger part later on, my advice is to take him out. Isthis the end of an act or the play? I'm just curious because I do like your plot line.

Prate annoys me. Okay, he's silent. Fine. But he does nothing! Nothing except work his twine (which, by the way, how'd he manage to obtain?). I think he contributes nothing to the play, so it's pointless to have him in it. (Unless there's more to come later?) He's not developed at all. He's hardly mentioned. He just...exists, but for what purpose? And for that matter, the king and prince seem to be brash and calluous merely to provide the characters' situation. You need to expand on this.

And speaking of characters, Blaine and Sage don't seem to stay in character. Blaine was a major jerk at first, uncaring and cold; then suddenly he does a 180. Sage seems bi-polar.

Also, you should have the guard say something. I'm sure he wouldn't be silent, especially when his charge resisted him. And why is this the first time the guards are seen? I would think they'd be making their rounds everyday, several times a day. I wanted to see the guards several scenes ago.

Anyway, I just read this whole thing, and I'm confused, because you have not set the acts and scenes. Is this the end of the play? The end of the first act? You need to add those details. I would say it's the end of the whole piece, but I'm not entirely sure. If it is, there's something missing...

You need more stage directions, too. What are these characters wearing? There's not much to give away the time frame or the characters' ages (other than your aside statements, which a reader would never see if reading the script alone). Those things should be added to the stage directions in the beginning or as the characters are introduced. It's quite easily done, actually.

Some of the dialogue is really long, but I think you do a good job with it. Like someone mentioned, everything else at the time seems to fade away and some of the best imagery and character depth is revealed. I'm not sure how an actor would feel about it, though. XD

Anyway, I feel that you've done well with this. It could be expanded and polished, but it's good.

(The guard finally manages to tear [s]him[/s] Sage away from the bars and handcuff his hands behind his back. Guard drags [s]him[/s] Sage away, leaving the cell door open. The string in Prate’s hands becomes knotted and tangled, but he continues to weave.)

Or is it strings?


Prate annoys me. Okay; he's silent. That's fine. But he does nothing! Nothing except work his twine (which, by the way, how'd he manage to obtain?). I think he contributes nothing to the play, so it's pointless to have him in it. (Unless there's more to come later?) He's not developed at all. He's hardly mentioned. He just...exists, but for what purpose? And for that matter, the king and prince seem to be brash and callous merely to provide the characters' situation. They serve no purpose outside of that. Expand on this.

And speaking of characters, Blaine and Sage don't seem to stay in character. Blaine was uncaring and indifferent at first; then suddenly, for some inexplicable reason, he does a 180. Sage…flip-flops as well. You mention Blaine goes into escape mode or whatever—huh? Do explain, 'cause it seems he doesn't do anything. =\

Also, in this scene, I think you should have the guard say something. I'm sure he wouldn't be silent, especially when his charge resisted him. And why is this the first time the guards are seen (since bringing Blaine, of course)? I would think they'd be making their rounds everyday, several times a day. I wanted to see the guards several scenes ago. XD

Anyway, after reading this whole thing, I'm confused, because you have not set the acts. Is this the end of the play? The end of the first act? As it stands, the play seems incomplete yet at the same time finished. O.o

Stick with either beats or pauses, please, not both; it's rather distracting.

Some of the dialogues are really long, but I think you do a good job with them. Like someone mentioned, everything else at the time seems to fade away and some of the best imagery and character depth is revealed. I'm not sure how an actor would feel about it, though. XD I will say, too, that sometimes the wording seems too modern, not in keeping with the time frame. That could just be me, though.

Anyway, you've done very well with this. It could be expanded and polished, but it's good. If there's more (Blaine has to escape, doesn't he? X]), I'll be following along.

No, this isn't the end; yes, there's more, but with all of the good reviews, I'm terrified to put it out there. XD It needs work, big time. The end just kind of...sucks? XD But I'll get it up as soon as possible. I'm also still working on it.

Thanks, guys!! You've helped a lot!!! I think I may be able to actually make something out of this scrap of idea!!! Woo-hoo, that's exciting!!