Young Writers Society

peanut19 · 2008-11-03T23:58:40Z

This is my first fantasy so bare with me. I hope its good. Enjoy!! ~peanut~ Joanna looked around the vast chamber that imprisoned her. The survivors huddled in small groups around her. She could hear the cries of the battle that was raging outside. Her sister's guards stood on each side of the Barrier. It sparkled, letting off rainbow colored light, protecting them from the battle that raged outside. Alla was sitting on the steps that led up to her castle. Ayden sat beside his hand stroking her hair. His hand slowly traveled down her back. He jumped as Alla removed his hand from the small of her back. Nervously he looked around, afraid that his jump might have attracted attention to them. Alla took his hand in hers and rested her head on his shoulder. Her fiery red hair draped over his broad shoulder like a blanket. Joanna could see Ayden glance up at her as Alla whispered something in his ear. Hesitantly he nodded and looked away, removing his hand from hers placing it back in her hair. Joanna looked away, not wanting to be apart of her sister's love life. As she turned she could see Jackson and his little sister Genna talking in the corner. Quietly she walked over to their small group. Glancing at their father as she passed him. He stood over them as if to protect them from the fighting that continued outside. Alla stood as Joanna look back at the couple. She peered over her shoulder as she stepped away. Ayden's chocolate brown eyes widened with fear as she left. He stood to follow but Alla motioned for him to stay behind. Joanna could see Ayden hesitate before he allowed his body to sink back down onto the stone step. Joanna stared at her sister as she passed her. Alla glanced at her too, but Joanna quickly averted her attention to the dirt floor below her. Not wanting her sister to know she had been watching her. As Alla looked back toward the Barrier, Joanna looked back up. She could tell Alla was confused about why she had refused to look at her. Joanna watched as her sister slowly walked toward the dungeon's cave like exit. The guards began to panic as their queen neared them. They stood and bowed, as she got closer. The light from the opening hit Alla, causing the queen's powerful blue aura to glow. Ayden's yellow aura sparkled faintly behind Joanna. The guards argued quietly as Alla pushed passed them. Joanna gasped as she realized what was happening. "Alla!" she screamed as she pushed Ayden roughly, clearing her path. Alla flinched as she Joanna's scream filled the air, but she didn’t look back. Alla stepped forward her aura letting off a blinding amount of blue light. Slowly the rainbow shimmer of the Barrier faded as Alla formed an opening. " Alla!" Joanna screamed," Don't do this, he'll kill you!" Her scream breaking Alla's concentration, but it was too late the Barrier had been broken. Ignoring Joanna's warning Alla stepped through the hole in the middle of the Barrier. A brilliant flash of light filled the chamber as Alla disappeared. Every one in the room was silent as they waited for the light to fade. A scream pierced the air as the light began to weaken, revealing only empty space where Alla had stood. "Joannie, she's gone!" A hand touched her shoulder, sending chills down her spine. She cautiously glanced over her shoulder. Ayden stood behind her, his hand outstretched to help her up from where she had crumpled to the ground.

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tay_star92

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Points 890

Reviews 8

Tue Nov 11, 2008 2:39 am

tay_star92 says... · Tue Nov 11, 2008 2:39 am

i LOVED iT!!!

i WAS CAPTIVATED FROM THE FIRST PARAGRAPH...
BE A LITTLE MORE DESCRIPTIVE
OR YES IT CAN GET CONFUSING

THE STORY LINE WAS MOVING ALONG WELL AND IT TRAPS YOU QUICKLY

I WANNA KNOW MORE
MORE
MORE!!!!
:elephant:

BUT IM LOOKING FORWARD TO READING MORE!!!

MUCO LOV3 <3

~* gR3ATN3SS iS m3ASUR3D bY yOU*~

~* gR3ATN3SS iS m3ASUR3D bY yOU *~
~*tAY StAR*~

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Linx

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Points 1203

Reviews 228

Sat Nov 15, 2008 12:03 am

Linx says... · Sat Nov 15, 2008 12:03 am

Hiya, I am representing peanut right now, so pretend that I am her.

Peanut is grounded, so that is why she hasn't been on in a while. She told me to tell that she is re-writing this piece, and will post it as soon as she gets off the hook.
Which should be next weekend, if she behaves.
Don't worry. I'll make sure she keeps writing (I mean, that's what friends are for!) I will also tell her all of the other reviews she has gotten.
She also says,

Thanks again!

to all the people that have read this post and commented.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." ~ Lao-tzu

Attack, IM, or PM me at any time. I will respond.

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Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
— G.K. Chesterton

Young Writers Society

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