Prologue: Internal Monologue

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A world where an apology replaces a greeting, where the accidental locking of gazes is judged too great an intrusion; this is the world we live in. A world where relationships are born barren, soured by the preconceptions of those that stumble into them. There is no need for angry sneers to be worn anymore, though many are. To drive someone away all that is required is a smile.
The right kind of smile.
We have come to fear embarrassment and so, like turtles, we hide within our shells to protect our necks, our dignity. It is in the unknown that we are made fools of, through acting rashly and in conditions we do not control. We fear mystery and secrets, hushed conversations behind sheltering hands. In this fear, grown irrational unto the perverse, we fear the very relationships we have traditionally sought, traditionally lived for.
It is the smile of mystery that we have grown to fear, a smile that haunts and alienates us.
For this smile is both everything we wish for and everything we fear. We, who are cursed just as Midas and Tantallus were cursed, have forged for ourselves manacles of the mind in a world where all we truly desire is freedom. We have isolated ourselves in a world where all we want is understanding. We have cloaked ourselves in black, in a false anger and a simulacrum of knowing, of understanding more than each other. We have alienated one another when all we have to fear is isolation
So you're going to kill a god. Sure. But what happens next?

Diary of a Deicide, Part One.


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Um, yeah, this is pretty interesting. I want to read more.

I didn't see anything wrong gramitically, although I'm definitly not the best in that area.

One criticism I have, is that it's a bit wordy and in some places. I feel that some of the longer words you use in some places take away from the story's flow... but that's just me.

What's your plan for this story? Is it going to be like a 1984 distopia? I'm intrigued.

But yeah, good job. Keep writing.
How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five




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This is really good.
I agree with wwjnd in that it can be kind of wordy in some places. I don't know, maybe that's your style or the style your going for.
I liked the first line. It's a good grabbing sentence and it intrigues the reader enough to want to read on.
You chose an interesting subject to write about too. I've never seen anything written like this before and you did it really well.

What kind of story are you planning here?

It's good so far :D

-Carly
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

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