Enna.

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This was an assignment for english class to write a paragraph with all twenty of our vocab words. I actually took two of them out because it made the sentence really awkward. Anywho, I just thought I'd put this on here for kicks. :]

One, two, three four. One two three, four… Enna counted her steps as she snaked her way through the dismal hallway. The cold, grey light of the morning seeped through the grand window of the House, making the world seem uninspiring and dreary.
Every time she passed this window, she caught herself staring out it, Enna loved to spend hours watching the busy street that it looked out upon. Sometimes she came here just to see the cars go by, their bug-like shapes stopping and going and turning, and the people walking along the sidewalks, wearing hats of every shape and size and gowns of the latest fashion.
Today, Enna craved these pensive moments she indulged in while staring out this window, but she knew she could not. She couldn’t risk being spotted by the Mistress.
Her feet pounded the floor steadily as she sped up eyeing the entrance of her dormitory waiting for her down the hall.
One moment she was speed walking towards her doorway, and the next her forearm was caught in a steely, iron grip, sending her to trip across the rug-laden hallway, landing in a heap of skirts and pale yellow hair.
Enna quickly stood; she could already feel the heat pulsing across her face resulting from her ungraceful collapse. She turned swiftly, not knowing whom to expect.
Enna’s pulse skyrocketed as she faced the desiccated Old Mistress Gauldwell standing like a statue in the dim lighting. Enna suddenly found herself straightening her back and fixing her hair as she withered under the woman’s gaze.
“Miss Henley Bracken.” Her creased lips seemed to spit out the name, her posture, although ever straight, seemed backed with a certain rigidity today, Enna could feel her heart pounding in her ears.
“Mistress Gauldwell,” Enna stalled, she tried to appear calm and collected, hoping she didn’t seem guilty. “You look very nice this morning.” She hoped adulation would soften the awful glare she was receiving.
And in a second, the glare was gone and the Mistress was slowly pacing towards the window, hands clasped behind her back. “I do not particularly like dealing with teenagers nor do I enjoy their antics and unruly ways,” she started, ignoring Enna’s comment. “And as a result, they are of the minority here.” She turned back to the girl, “But out of the kindness in my heart, I have taken in a few to my home. Including you.” She pinched her lips and made a face that blatantly contradicted her supposed kindness. “If I must remind you, it is very much a perquisite to live here, as opposed to the cruel streets of Britain.” Her beady eyes bore into Enna’s, making her shiver.
“Last night while catching up on some of my reading, I heard someone open the front door at around eleven o’clock. Out my window I watched you disappear across the street and then return an hour later.” Enna’s heart rate seemed to be going at a hundred miles a minute, but she said nothing. The Mistress started to pace across the hallway, like a cat cornering its prey.
“It is my hypothesis that this incidence was because you were meeting that boy. The one who participates in that horrible legerdemain in the square, conning money from the townspeople.” Her face twisted in disgust. “The one you seem to have taken a fancy to.”
Enna stood there shocked, there was no way the Mistress could have known of her reason for sneaking out of her dormitory last night. Absolutely no way…and yet she did.
The old woman smiled a thin-lipped smile of spite in her direction, reading the stunned look on Enna’s face. “Oh I know about your little romance all right. I have long since learned of the imprecation of teenage ways,” She smiled once more, “I know everything.”
Enna tried to make one last attempt to remain innocent, “How do you know that I was not going to the bakers to fetch more dough for the morning biscuits?”
The old woman whirled on her, “Your sophistry will not be tolerated! I know where you went, do not try to fool me!” Her mouth was set into a firm line and her hands were rigid at her sides and balled into fists. She took a deep breath, then continued, “It would behoove you greatly, Miss Henley, to take the initiative of abiding by my rules. I do not want you to be associating with that scum.”
“His name is Arthur.” Enna was slowly losing her control over her temper; her hands were entwined into the scratchy material of her skirts, as if making an attempt to keep her anger from releasing itself.
The Mistress made a sound that sounded dangerously close to a snort. “If you ask me, those lowlifes should not be allowed to propagate.”
“I did not ask anything of you.” Enna’s voice was stern and curt, her temper was waning and very close to disappearing altogether.
“You will see to it that this sort of anomaly doesn’t happen again.” Said the woman. The finality of her statement rang throughout the gloomy corridor.
Enna saw her world crashing before her eyes. The Mistress would certainly keep close tabs on her for a long time, too long. She would not be able to see Arthur again. Maybe not ever. Enna stared at the design on the carpet below her feet, as if maybe if she concentrated hard enough the rules would be lifted. First there was denial, then anger. How dare that old witch tell her whom she should see?! It felt so wrong and so binding. She shouldn’t have to take this, not at all.
“But I love him.” She said to the woman’s back, as she was trying to make her departure.
The Mistress turned, surprised. Then her expression became sour once more. “Love.” She said this as if it were an impossibility, “You are too young to understand the concept of such a thing.” She stated haughtily, turning her gaze out the window.
Enna couldn’t believe it, love had no age limit or boundaries. She knew that, knew it with all her heart. You could never one day turn the magic age where you could finally understand the love you were supposed to have for another. Everyone was susceptible to it, and anyone could feel it. How could she negate love itself?
“How dare you say that! You don’t know my feelings and my certainty! Of course I can understand love! And I love Arthur with my whole self, he is perfect! We complement each other impeccably!”
“I suggest, Miss Henley,” the Mistress spat, “That you quiet yourself immediately. Your time here is as temporary as I see fit, and I have no problem throwing you onto the street. With your mother dead and your father incarcerated, I doubt you would survive very long.” Enna just stared at her. For someone so debilitated, her words were spry and vicious, cutting her young skin with their sharp edges.
The Mistress’s invective was over, but her cold green irises continued to condemn Enna as they stared at each other, both fuming.
Enna finally broke under the gaze and turned towards the wall to collect her bearings. “I vouchsafe that you have the upper hand in this situation, but could you at least try to relate to my feelings? I love him, I do!” And with that, she stormed past the old woman and ran into her dormitory, firmly locking the door behind her.
Mistress Gauldwell composed herself in that moment, straightening her posture. She was smoothing out her gray hair when a young man, with dark coloring and a slow gait stepped around the corner and went to stand beside her.
“Ah Arthur.” She chimed in her reedy voice, turning to him. “I feel that the first part of our plan has gone quite successfully.” She eyed Enna’s dormitory meaningfully.
He did not say anything for a while, he stared out the grand window for at least a full minute, watching the cars roll by and many well-dressed people return home from the eleven o’clock sermon at the cathedral.
But he did finally speak, “Yes. I suppose it has.”
Last edited by silverSUNLIGHTx on Sat Nov 08, 2008 4:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
--->Don't forget we've got unfinished business. Stories yet to unfold, tales that must be retold.
-Alex Gaskarth




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Hey, I'm Peanut and I'll be your review person this evening. Sorry I know I'm bad at this so bare with me.
The story was very good. At the end i did want it to stop. I didn't see much wrong with it grammatically, but there was one thing:
landing in a heap of skirts and pale yellow hair.

When I read this I was a little confused because the way I saw it when you said " a heap of skirts" I thought that since you used the word skirts that she ran into some one. But then after I read it I saw that there was no one else in the hall. It might help if you said " Her skirt crumpled under her as she fell back, her pale yellow hair landing behind her framing her face." something like that. I don't really know if that would make sense either but I think you get the picture. I really hope this helped. I didn't see anything else. PM me when you post more.
~peanut~
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Wow this is really good, I can't really find anything to say. Yeah, so I was bored and just looking page after page of the 'other fiction' category and I picked your story. It was really good and you are a really good writer. Keep it up!
"Can't stop, won't stop. I must be dreaming."



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