Angels from Ashes

hey, this is part one of my first chapter for Angels from Ashes. Its short but don't worry its only the first half, there will be more. enjoy!!!
~peanut~




Chapter 1

The faint sound of Lacie's breathing filled the room followed by the shrill beep of her heart monitor.
The beeping quickened as Lacie jolted up, causing Caroline to jump. Lacie glanced at Caroline as she quickly glanced around the room. Throwing off the covers as she did this, unaware of the I.V. that had been carefully placed in her right hand.
Pain shot up her arm as she pulled the blanket farther down. She stopped when she noticed the clear, plastic tube attached to her hand.
The soft sound of weeping could be heard from the corner of the room where her friend sat.
"Lacie," Caroline said stopping quickly, wondering whether to go on," they found a body."
"Fire." Lacie whispered, trying to think of a reason why her best friend was telling her this.
"Yes, Lacie, there…." Caroline mumbled, stopping again she took a deep breath trying to steady her now shaking voice," was a fire." She whispered.
Lacie was quiet as she went over the things Caroline had told her. She felt dizzy as she strained her mind, trying to comprehend Caroline's words. The words danced in front of her as she lay back onto her pillows.
She closed her eyes. Memories of the fire came back to her. Flames pranced around her. Her head started to ache as she remembered the sharp pain seeping up her back as she hit the floor. As she lay on the floor she could remember the feeling of the heat of the fire in the kitchen around her.
" The girl must be very traumatized, doctor. I mean she just lost her father, and I don't think that other girl is helping her. All she's done is cry." A nurse's voice complained from the hallway. Lacie listened to the private conversation, clinging to every word they said.
" I don't think we should make Caroline leave. She still might be able to help her." The doctor said, his deep voice echoing through the open doorway. The nurse fell silent; the sound of the heart monitor's filling the quiet room.
Slowly the nurse pushed the door opened, the light from the hallway streaming in as the nurse slid through the now half open door.

I have been waiting all day to read this, and it ends up that I already have. Nice job, peanut.
One thing I noticed, is that when you did this.

"Lacie," Caroline said stopping quickly, wondering whether to go on, " they found a body."

You put a space right after you did the quotes " when you put " they found a body."
Two times. Put the words right after you do the quotes.
Good job though. That part really doesn't tell much though. Not the description. The description was good.
Keep writing, Peanut!!!!

So far, this is very interesting. I'll be reading more of this as soon as I can. Keep up the good work.

this is soo good so when your done I will so be reading the next chapter!!!

This is amazing! I was eager to read what was going to happen next! you are an amazing author!! You made a few grammatical errors but you still did really well!