Dont Follow Me

You stand there alone on the cliff near the edge
Unable to move from the grassy ledge
You watch as the sun rises and sets into the sea
You listen for my voice in the breeze blowing free

You cannot see me, but I am here
Whispering sweet and tender words in your ear.
We shouldn't have fought, I shouldn't have ran
I should have apologised, you beautiful man

Can you forgive me, for leaving you that day?
On the cliff top, when the storm was on its way?
You were so angry,
But so was I.
Our love was so passionate.
I never wanted to die.

I am here
I am here...
Don't follow me...

I am the crunch of golden leaves beneath your feet.
I am the bowing trees and conkers brown.
I am your silent steps as you walk unsteadily,
Supported by your friends,
To my grave were you weep and lay down my favourite roses.

I am the salty air as you gasp deep breaths.
I am the sea twisting and thrashing,
So alive.
I am in your heart, willing it to keep beating.
I am your tears, the tears you cried for me.

Don't follow me...
I am with you always
Live the life i never got to enjoy.
Don't follow me...
I am here, always...



It needs loads of work - but i hope you like it!

it was great but here-> "I never wanted to die"

you could have said " i never wanted [u]it to die"[/u]

but other than that i liked it and thought that it had a great flow to it...keep up the good work Grace

I liked it!!!
.........
..............Good stuff. Keep up the good work=]

needs work? no it doesn't i really liked it. you did good... really good. it was beautiful.

Work??? No, I don't think so. It's just so... so... so... I don't even have words. Beautiful, strong, emotional, what can I say? The last time I felt this way was when I read my friends poem (she's also a member here). Just Great!



Aust.

well, i don't really like loooooooong poems...
but it's reaaaaaaally beautiful : ]
i think you should make a song of it, with musoc it would be great

have a nice week : ]

thankyou so much! I was playing around with this poem for a few weeks, just in notebooks and stuff and i wasnt sure it would really come to anythng. i need serios help with punctuation though im rubbish at it, i just dont know where everything goes! but thankyou for your great reviews! i think this is my favourite poem ive done

I liked and i also agree with ATreeah.
I think it would be better "I never wanted it to die"
other than that great job and keep up the good work!

The meter was great! It flows sooooo nicely and the emotion is genuine and strong and has just the right amount of pleading and hope. There feels like there's a kind of traditional sound/style in it. Loved it!

thankyou so much, but when you said i should put "i never wanted it to die" no because the girl who is the narrator is dead and she says "i never wanted to die" she is talking to him from the dead, so i dont really get why people want me to put "it" in it... dont worry ill figure it out thankyou for your reviews!

hi! this was really beautiful, and it doesn't need a thing changed. So you had better not touch it. I loved this one, how she kept repeating to him not to follow her into death, and that she was there with him. it is deep and it, i believe, will touch many people. as always, keep writing!

This was quite a bit different than I expected.
I loved it! I have to say, we ALL have room to improve. For example, I thought that line (as said above) would have been better "I never wanted IT to die". And then lead into the "I died" part

Anyway, great piece.

Thanks! But seriously i wanted it to say "i never wanted to die" because she is writing this from the dead, to her love and she says "our love was so passionate, i never wanted to die" saying she didn't want to leave him and end up being dead. thanks for your reviews!