Legos

I dropped my legos on the floor
I’d been working on them for a week or more
I had a castle, an ocean too,
And now they’re gone, all gone, boohoo!
My jungle and my microscope
My bad guy’s lair and heliotrope
Everything I’ve been working for
I dropped it all all over the floor
I tripped and fell, and with a crash,
The whole caboodle went and smashed!
I should feel soggy, sad and tearful
But I’m unexpectedly cheerful
I shook my head, and said with a grin,
“I’ll just do them over again!”
I dropped my legos on the floor
I’d been working on them for a week or more
But I’m redoing them as I speak—
(Something to do for the next week!)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA that is amazing my friend!!! There really isn’t much to be said! (What the rest of the reviewers prove me wrong) I can totally see this happening! The rhymes are great and you used a lot of big words which... I don’t know about anyone else ... but they make me happy

I can relate, that is hilarious

Wow!! I really love this! I like the informal tone of the poem a lot!
Keep it up!
~Lava

At first I was all, "How old are you?" Then, by then end, you had moved me. This was so adorable! I feel like it has actually happened to me, though with Lincoln logs because my mother doesn't think Lego's are for little girls.
One thing. I know it is a poem and it has to flow, but in the fourth and third to last lines, you change tenses. You should fix it. It threw me off a little...
toodles!
~Classy

Dangit, huh?!

This reminds me of when I was much younger, and there always seemed to be a little brother or sister's foot directly in the middle of whatever masterpiece I was creating.

Also, semi-unrelated, I specifically remember the way Linkin' Logs tasted at my Grandma's house. So nostaligic.

Good work!

This is quite adorable! Really.

Has a sort of Shel Silverstein touch to them. Really quite cute, normally I don't enjoy these as much but this one made me laugh.

I'm busy at the moment but I'll give you a few tips!

Firstly: Legos is a brand of a toy. So you what to capitalize it, just to respect that it's a brand.

Secondly: The boohoo is a little immature, but I see the problem that arises if you remove it. If you find something to replace it please try. The boohoo takes away I feel.

Thirdly:

Everything I’ve been working for
I dropped it all all over the floor

I'd try something like:

Everything I've been working for,
dropped all over the wooden floor.

Or something like that. The 'I' cuts up the flow you had a little bit.


Now I'm off to get some work done. Good job! I hope to see some more fun rhymes from you.

Kamas

Wow! This is really cute. It made me laugh, but as well as that it's pretty good technically wise. Your rhymes fit and the rhythm flows well. Personally, I love these type of poems so it was a pleasure to read!

One thing I would watch out for, however, is the punctuation. I'm not the best at punctuating poems, but you have some run on lines that could use a comma or a period at the end.

In addition:

I dropped it all all over the floor
I tripped and fell, and with a crash,

Now I know that this is technically correct, but sometimes repeated words like that can make somebody stumble over the words and can interrupt the flow of your poem a little bit.

But overall this was really enjoyable! *stars*

~Amy

Nice! Very Shel Silverstein of you... I approve.