I. NITPICKS
Pleasant View High, Colorado,
Again, we get it, the place is in Colorado.
It was the smallest place I had ever been to, and I knew almost all the names of the kids in my grade before the first day was over.
There's only about fifty in my year, and I certainly didn't know all the names after the first day.
The teachers were generally the same,
The same as what? Each other or the world in general?
He wore mostly black, with the exception of a red logo on the front of his t-shirt, and his lip was pierced in a way that was independent, not rebellious. He could pull it off.
And yet he isn't in the emo clique? Well, you mentioned cliques.
Large groups were always a bad idea,
They are. Isn't it easier to hang on the outskirts of a big group than join a pair that might be having a DMC?
She was referring to Will, in a subtle way.
That wasn't exactly subtle.
Right so.
II. SOCIETY
What I think you should do is stand back and take a look at the society you've created, and think how realistic it is. Are people honestly going to be that horrible? Also, at the beginning you said she was a void. But people are noticing her enough to scorn her, you know what I mean?
I'm also interested -and this probably should belong in the first chapter- in how they found out...
III. I HATE MYSELF!
Over-reaction much? This girl is never going to get anywhere by replying "You're probably right" and to be frank, the self-hate is rather annoying. Sure, she may not like herself but it's really not a good idea to overload it.
IV. OVERALL
I should mention that I am being particularly harsh because you're a good writer. I may complain a lot, but overall, it's actually great. Don't take it that I don't like it. These are just the bits I think you could improve.
Hope I helped!
-Stella.