How I survived high school: Chapter 2; part 2

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OK, This is way shorter than the previous part. You can skip the first chapter if you wish, but read the first part of the second chapter in order to understand this. And please please review this!
Chapter 2....The picnic (contd.)

“Isn’t it better? Just the three of us,” Aanam said aloud to no one in particular.
“Yeah,” I had to agree as I plucked a leaf from the tree we were sitting on.
“Stop that!” Aanam slapped my hand, lightly with an angry look fladhing in those round, sparkling eyes. As she did so, the leave fell off my hands and on to the soft grass that was matted on the ground.
“Why? Roma said so?” I asked with that thought of irony burning in my mind.
“Oh yes! You should always listen to Roma. You know, she’s the best,” Leandra remarked sarcastically. “So, Aanam, you also planning to cover up the front part of your car in aluminium foil because she does?”
I burst into laughter but avoided Aanam’s gaze. Even though, I couldn’t see her, I knew she was angry as hell.
Roma was Shabeen’s favourite teacher and mentor. She had short hair and sparkling eyes, with the warmest smile of all. She was pretty, no doubt, but it was annoying when Aanam tried to do and say everything like her. For example Aanam’s smile! Aanam’s never-ending smile was definitely inspired from Roma. Roma was a value education teacher and like most of val.ed teachers, she was a nature freak. Always organising treks and camps to provide awareness about the nature, but at least her trips were packed with activities and wouldn’t end us up on trees talking non sense.
“They’re not aluminium foils!” Aanam snapped. “Its for some radiator stuff. I don’t expect you guys to understand.”
Yeah, because Aanam didn’t understand it herself. Anyway, if Roma was so environment friendly, why on earth was she using a car? Couldn’t she use a bicycle or something that creates less pollution instead? I thought it but I didn’t dare to say it for Aanam was clearly annoyed by our sarcasm
“Anyways, she’s the best teacher in school, ok?” She continued “At least she doesn’t have a problem with us like the rest.”
“Being in this school all my life, I don’t really believe that a creature called ‘best teacher’ exists.”
“Yeah,” Leandra agreed. “Did you guys hear what that Veronica said?”
Veronica was the teacher who had made the comment about us.
“I know! I mean, what is her problem that we don’t want to play dumb charades. It is a dumb game anyway,” I said, this time tearing away the leaves more furiously.
“Listen, I think the problem is that the three of us are always together,” Aanam bit her lip and shuffled uncomfortably, which wasn’t a surprise because she was sitting on the weak branch of a tree. “Teachers kinda think it’s bad.”
“What? We can’t pick our friends now? And who gave them the right to judge anyway?” I was disgusted at the thought.
“Its like, we are friends. Really good ones. That makes them think we don’t include others, we aren’t friendly, you know,” Aanam explained.
“Well, I am choosy and I don’t choose the others as my friends,” Leandra spoke up, looking towards the girls far away.
“Yeah! You people are the only ones I can talk freely to and enjoy my time. And its not like I am with you’ll 24/7. It’s only recess, lunch and weekends. The rest of the time we are in classes,” Aanam sounded like she was standing for elections.
“And even when I am in my class,” Leandra continued “I have other friends.”
When Leandra said this, I felt a guilt pang. I slowly opened my mouth “You know, I don’t have friends in my class.”
“What do you mean?” Aanam asked like she didn’t understand English.
“I mean without you guys, I am a loner.”
“You know, that isn’t true,” Leandra tried to comfort me. “Till you have us, you’ll never be alone.”
I smiled at those words. Leandra always knew what to say.
“Anyways, who wants this depressing talk,” Leandra hated pep talks. “Anyone for polo?”
I nodded, so did Aanam. We definitely needed something sweet in our bitter lives.
All in all, the rest of the trip was dull. Every minute was spent in pure agony and boredom.
Last edited by fun4eva on Sun Oct 26, 2008 9:50 am, edited 4 times in total.




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You said it alright. It was short. But, nevertheless, it was interesting. :D

“You know, I don’t have friend in my class.”

Put it as 'a friend' or 'friends'

Wow, only one mistake this time. I'm impressed. Well done. And tell me when you post the next chapter.

Good luck. :D
Warden: "If you want to lead, all you have to do is ask."
Alistair: "What? Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants."
- Dragon Age

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Heya!!Me here!!
I wanted to review this thing right from chapter 1 but...i htought i'd do it later not in the middle of my exams,but on reading this chapter I couldn't resist! :P
I don't see any mistakes in your writing but your style can be changed a bit to improve it over all.
For instance Ive noticed that when you go about describing people you describe their complexion and hair.There's nothing wrong with it.But it seems too repetitive since you've used that for every single character you've introduced(not only in this story but I've read quite a few other posts as well)

“Anyone for polo?”

I nodded, so did Aanam. We definitely needed something sweet in our bitter lives.


Good line!!!!


To put in simple words, the rest of the trip was dull. Every minute was spent in pure agony and boredom.


This part also can be changed a bit because when you use the words "put in simple words" doesn't it indicate that you've put something in complicated words before?But that doesn't seem to be the case here since your'e just introducing this thought for the first time here.


That's all for now!I'll keep checking for more updates!So keep writing more!!Ciao!

:D




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Thanks Chirantha!!!
Thanks SUdzz!!!
I have made the changes and I will keep in mind wat Sudz told me!Q!!
Thanks a lot once again!




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Ah! The second part of the second chapter... Let's see what trouble you three got into now -.-`

“Stop that!” Aanam slapped my hand, lightly.

“Why? Roma said so?”

- You know. A smart guy said once that for each actions there is a reaction.
"Stop that!" Aanam leaned in front with an angry glow in her eyes and slapped my hand, lightly but enough to make me drop the leaf. I watched it as it floated in the air and sat on the grass blending in with the gentle green.
"Why? Roma said so?" I asked with that though of irony burning in my mind.


“Oh yes! You should always listen to Roma. You know, she’s the best,” Leandra remarked sarcastically.

"... Leandra remarked sarcastically trying to copy Roma's expresion, only succeding to make a dumb smile. I bursted out into laughter, but I stopped meeting Aanam's gaze.

I smiled at those words. Leandra always knew what to say.

Change in : " I sketched a sad smile at those words. Leandra always knew what to say."

You got a little problem with your flow of actions and because you don't describe some of them the idea seems unfinished.
Hope it helps. Luck!

-Akayl
Life is a song. You just need to know how to sing it.

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