Visions- Prologue

Prologue


I stood surrounded by an infinite marsh of mud and muck. I could smell the faint taint of dirt, and salt water. In these marshes, one wrong move and you would be swallowed in a monster of endless ocean drenched earth.

It seemed I had been motionless for over an eternity, but just as quickly as I had only arrived in that exact spot, the voices of people swept into my ears. Though so many called out towards me, I could not truly understand them. It was already too late.

Its hard to believe that it was just yesterday I had understood the nightmare, that had plagued my dreams ever since I was old enough to understand what a dream was. Everything was so clear to me. The screeching sound of the wind blowing against my face, the moist scent of muddy sea water that filled my nose, the sight of the limitless sky above me. I felt like it was the first time I had truly lived, or at least took the time to ‘smell the roses’. The sight of the marsh was strangely beautiful to me. It gave me a somewhat sad, yet comforting feeling. Any other day before, I had always looked at the swamp with such disgust, but now it was as if I was a completely different person. The sky was cloudy today, but the clouds seemed to clear a pathway of sunlight onto me. I bathed in the endless warm light of the sun.

The sounds of shouting and yelling began to reach me again; it was time for me to go. I took a step foreword ready to meet my fate; however a voice louder from all the others called out my name. “Terra!”
I slightly turned my head, to gaze upon Tanya. She was among the crowds, but to me she seemed to be the only one there. I couldn't see any of her features, but I didn't have to. The way she looked was forever imprinted in my mind- from her short raspberry blue, to her warm presense, to her sad green eyes.

A smile peaked through my lips, and I continued.
Taking the final step, I allowed myself to be devoured by the bottomless mud demon.


*how was it? I got this from a dream- crazyy isn't it ^_^*

Hi, Maki! It's the first time I'm reviewing a piece of writing in a looong time, so bear with me as I try to make some sense

First of all, I think it's great you're not letting your dreams go to waste, by writing them down and allowing them to be writing material. Good for you!

Ok, so here we have a girl named Terra who, being able to understand her recurring nightmare, goes to a swamp once repulsive to her and lets herself drown. I am not quite sure of how this decision is a consequence of her understanding her nightmares, but it made me really curious to find out. Also, I was curious about Tanya and the crowd. At first, I thought they were part of her nightmare, but then I concluded they were there in real life. Could it be that they were trying to save her, but she knew she had to die in the swamp? Now that's a pretty interesting idea to explore. And the title spices up the entire prologue, as it infers that Terra had visions.

As for your writing, I would advise you to be careful of repetitions.

I stood there surrounded

It seemed I had stood there motionless

Finally, this sentence worked wonders for me:

I felt like it was the first time I had truly lived, or at least took the time to ‘smell the roses’.

I don't know if the expression "smell the roses" is commonly used in English, but if not, it is a very creative way of telling people that Terra "woke up" the moment she stood there in the swamp and everything became clear for her. "Smell the roses" is really sweet...

Thank you for the reading and good luck with your story! I'd love to read the next chapters because this got me hooked, even if it gives so little information away.

thanks ^_^ I am glad you liked it. I will go over it, and fix the stuff you stated. ^_^ Also 'smell the roses' is a rahter popular saying in the english lanugae. i must of seen over 10 movies about taking the time to live, or shall I saw 'smell the roses'.

Oh... in that case it's not original at all. My bad But it's a nice expression, anyway. Maybe you could play with it and tweak the words so you could come up with different words for the same meaning

It`s well written for a prologue. Needs some clean it a big and put more descriptions :

I stood there surrounded by an endless marsh of mud and muck....In these marshes, one wrong move and you would be swallowed in a monster of endless ocean drenched earth.

Try not using the same word over and over again.

The sound of the wind blowing against my face, the scent of muddy sea water that filled my nose, the sight of the endless sky above me.

You have a nice opportunity here to describe!
Example : "The sound of the wind blowing against my face was screeching in my ears.
You need to give the reader the possibility to be there with you, so say a thing or two about those elements.

Nothing else to say. It`s a dream. Everything is "almost" impossible - make it be that way. Luck!

-Akayl

Maki-Chan wrote:I stood [s]there[/s] surrounded by an endless marsh of mud and muck. I could smell the faint taint of dirt, and salt water. In these marshes, one wrong move and you would be swallowed in a monster of endless ocean drenched earth. ((good description here, try not use endless again though. Change one of them))

Maki-Chan wrote:The sounds of shouting and yelling began to reach me again; it was time for me to go. I took a step foreword ready to meet my fate; however a voice louder from all the others called out my name. “Terra!”
I slightly turned my head, to gaze upon Tanya. She was among the crowds, but to me she seemed to be the only one there. ((maybe put in a slight description of Tanya here, like hair color or something))

Dang! I wish I could have cool dreams like that!
This is really good. It's well written and very intresting. There were just teeny tiny mistakes.
I can't wait to read the rest!

-Carly

ok, I went over the review and re-edited my prologue. I have somewhat of a problem with repeating words. To let you all know this isn't a dream. Terra is actually doing this, her 'real' dream is much different.