Looking Glass Ch.1

Kaylyn · 2008-09-17T21:57:09Z

~ Chapter One ~ The leaves crunched under her feet as she ran joyfully though the Forests of Raiyne. The girl had lived there her entire life. She passed the fallen tree, leaves, and plant life in a green blur. The sprites flew along with her, trying to beat her racing. The pale blue bodies glowing and their see-through wings flitting back and forth in their effort to keep up. She always had them by a few seconds though every time. It was dinnertime and her mother was calling her. Even though she was twelve miles from home she had excellent hearing that comes with having Faerie blood running through her veins. Fallyn sprinted towards home, faster than the wind that blew. Within minutes she could see her small home. Vines climbed the walls adding to its beauty, and candles flickered in the windows, giving it an enchanting effect. Fallyn stepped lightly on the pebble pathway that led to her doorway. She studied herself in the reflection of the window before she entered the arched doorway. Her dark purple eyes stared back. She fingered her long, black, hair and tucked the stray stands behind her pointed ears. When she deemed herself presentable she glided through the entrance. “Mother, I’m here,” she said. “Come and sit, we waited for you,” her mother’s tinkling voice rang out. Fallyn breezed through and gracefully seated herself at the wooden ancient table in front of her parents. She observed their faces, trying to find any trace of emotion and couldn’t. They ate in silence, as they had every night for the past ten years. Picking at her salad, she wondered how meat would taste. Her parents were both vegetarians, so she had never had any. She strictly stuck to her plant diet. Pushing her plate away, she stood up from the table and asked, “Mother may I be excused?” Her mother looked up at her, “You aren't hungry?" she asked with concern. "I ate a big lunch," Fallyn said giving an excuse that wasn't entirely true, what her mother didn't know wouldn't hurt her. She sighed, "Yes, you may be excused, but you have to be back before dark." "Thanks," she said, grateful to have another hour to spend in the forest. Fallyn suppressed a run as she made her way to the door. Her parents told her it wasn’t proper for her to be constantly cavorting about the forests, but she didn’t care. She passed the forest in a green blur. Sprinting, she made her way back to her little clearing. It didn’t take long and she met the sprites halfway there. The sun was setting and the dusk set in. The sprites pale blue glow helped her through without tripping over anything in her path. Occasionally she would cast sideway glances and wonder at their pale, transparent wings that flitted back and forth in effort to keep up. Leaves flew behind and she hovered whenever she could. Fallyn had never been farther than the clearing but feeling adventurous she decided to see what was past it. Running past the clearing, gave her a thrill, she was about to disobey her parents direct orders. Eventually, she slowed coming to a near stop. The trees were getting spaced more and she had tp stop before she got to the edge of the forest. Sitting on a fallen tree she pondered on her life. She had been found at the age of five with no memory of her former life; she had nothing, except for a name – Fallyn. Life had given her many questions, and when she searched for the answers, the only thing she had found was more complicated questions. Luckily, the couple she now called her parents took her in after finding her while they were foraging. Fallyn was spoiled, and she hated it. Her Faerie blood made her a rare being. The only refuge she got was when she ran through the forest. A call from home interrupted her thoughts, with a sigh, she stood up. She looked at the forest floor, and kicked a pile of leaves, revealing an elegant, silver lined mirror. Curious at why a mirror would be in the forest, she picked it up and dusted it off, freeing it of debris. Her dark eyes stared back at her, uncertain of her lucky find. The bleak, fading, light caught on the glass and it flashed in her eyes. It was a pretty, certainly, but what was it doing in the middle of the forest? Without further thought she pocketed it into her cloak. It felt important, its weight was just right for her, comforting in fact. Humming a tune that she had never heard before, but sounded vaguely familiar, she started for home towards her mother’s calls. ----------- Yes I know I need more action, believe me, I am about to post the next chapter, and I'll overdose you with action. This is just a buildup.

*Raising an eyebrow.* Nothing bad to say about it. Just need to be smoothed a bit here and there.

1.) At the first glance - You say that she was running trough the forest. What she was feeling? How she reacted (as appearance)?
2.) Again - That lack of description of the atmosphere that she lives in.

The leaves crunched under her feet as she ran joyfully though the Forests of Raiyne. The girl had lived there her entire life.

The leaves crunched gently under her feet as she ran trough the Forests of Raiyne with her joyful laughter breaking that pure silence in a nature song.
- I changed the sentence in such way the reader can imagine, hear her laugh, her joy.

She studied herself in the reflection of the window before she entered the arched doorway. Her dark purple eyes stared back. She fingered her long, black, hair and tucked the stray stands behind her pointed ears.

- The part "Her dark purple eyes stared back." - You can add "Her dark purple eyes stared back. Their inner glow always told the one that looked at them that she was special." - Or something like that.

Curious at why a mirror would be in the forest, she picked it up and dusted it off, freeing it of debris. Her dark eyes stared back at her, uncertain of her lucky find.

- It's a mirror! Her dark eyes stared back at her, gazing at her [color] hair that was falling over her eyes giving her even more of that look of a Faerie.

- And I think it's spirits not sprites.

That`s it. Chapter 2 coming up. Luck!

-Akayl

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