MY Poem speech for my upcoming book

[spoiler]THIS WILL BE IN ONE OF MY NEW BOOKS: THE FALL OF MORN[/spoiler]

"Men!

This is the end,

this is the place to lend,

your powers to use,

To roar up and shout!

There is no time to speak,

Nor to laugh,

as we wait here,

in our stand.

This is the end,

this is our resolve,

This is the last stance!"

This is difficult to critique as I'm sure that it will set the mood for a book, something a little Lord of the Rings-esque, I'm thinking. Out of context, I would say it needs something more - more description, more context, but remembering what its purpose is, I think it sounds like a good introduction to a story. Or maybe it isn't an introduction, just realised that's not what you said, but either way, I think it will work better in a story than on its own.

Thanks

Don't put this as a poem. It would be much better as dialogue. In fact, if there's really no compelling reason why this should be a poem (like... if the people of this place only spoke in verse), then I would take out the line breaks. As a poem, this is weak in many fundamental ways, but as dialogue, it is strong enough to pass.

Hope this helps!

Yes it does. Thanks

Kinda reminds me of another battle cry from Tales of the Past 3 :

"When shadow comes to claim our souls
Some must rise - the light of old
Names in stone, spirits of legend
Deeds unknown, yet never forgotten
These are the Duranins - of honor within
And fear without
Remember them, when in hope you doubt."

I haven't read that book. But I'm trying to have about the same effect.

Its not a book -.-` it`s a movie made in World of Wacraft.