Random Linden stuff

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Ok, this is just an excerpt from near the beginning of the first book. I'll get the prologue and first chapter up once I get them over to this computer. I do have some older stuff posted somewhere, but it's outdated, andmostly re-written, so if anyone's interested, I can get that up soon, too.. Rated PG-13 for lauguage, and some stuff coming later on.



Sam glanced idly at the book she held, her search still fruitless after three hours. She had several books strewn about her, some falling off the small table in the library, others already fallen and some still open half-heartedly on the table. Her last attempt using the books led her no where and it was the most likely of the books, well, in her opinion. The Last of the Lines of the Kings: The Ralgan to the Andgua. Sam had cried out to her friend Luke that she had found something when she saw Sarah Aldrich listed, but it showed no descendents. She then searched in vain for Andelli Watcher, before remembering Watcher was a later-given name to the knight. Luke had laughed at her, and suggested she try the lists to find the knight, but she knew (she couldn’t say how, but she knew) Andelli would be listed in the huge volume. If only she knew where…

“The Bastards of the Watchers from the 12th year of the reign of King Ganda Ralgan II and the 12th Watcher Rhiannon Sure-Sight” Sam read, skimming the list in hopes of finding something of interest.

Jonathyn “Jon” Star
Raylon “Ray-Ray” Day
Kinwana “Kila” Snow
Andale “Andy” Line*
Lysa Song

She stopped. “Luke!”

“Yeah?” he asked, walking out from behind a bookshelf, and dropping several thick volumes on the table, subsequently knocking several other volumes onto the floor.

“Take a look at this,” she pointed to the listing for Andale Line. “What does “andale” mean in the Watcher’s Tongue? The old version.”

“Andale.” he muttered, “Andale… Well, as a name is means true son, that much is known, but true son of what remains unclear. I think it may be true son of the Vale, but what Vale, or where is was located, I don’t know.”

Sam snorted. “True son it may mean, but I doubt it would be of a vale. Look at the list. It says “Bastards of the Watchers” so maybe it means true son of the Watcher?”

“Why would someone name a bastard a true son? You know as well as I do that would be stupid, especially as the surname is one of the common ones for those born without a name in the north.” He looked thoughtful for a moment, “Well, those of the northern east…”

“What?” Sam asked, “Wasn't that part of the Ralgan’s strong-hold before they ascended the throne?

Luke nodded. “But it makes you wonder…” He grabbed the nearest book and started flipping through the pages earnestly. He slammed the book shut, glanced at the title and snorted in disgust. “Hand me the book you have.” Sam handed it over, marking the pages she found with a slip of paper. “Good,” he murmured. “Here.” He shoved the book under her nose and pointed to a footnote on the page she marked.

“’The 12th Watcher had two true born sons, only one did she accept as her own. The other she disowned, and with that, took his name. He is listed as a bastard of the year she disowned him. He was 16 or 17 at the time, young for a Watcher, but old enough, in his mother’s eyes. The Watcher’s reasons for disowning him are still not known.’” She glanced down the small text until a name caught her eye. “‘Andelli,’” she whispered, “‘was renamed Andale Line, called Andy.’ Luke, we found him!” She looked happy for a moment, but her smile was short-lived, “But what of Sarah? Wait.. it says here ‘it is thought the kings daughter, Sari, is believed to have something to do with the Watcher’s strange behavior in regards to her son,’ but the time is off. She can’t be our Sarah, even by a different name. They lived about 100 years apart, if the time tables are correct.”


“We’re this close!” Sam sighed, exasperated after another day of fruitless searching.

“Ah,” Luke smiled slightly, “close, yet, so far.”

“Wipe that smirk off your face, Luke.”

“But it was funny,” he laughed. Sam sighed in mock defeat.

“No, this is funny,” she said as she threw a pillow at him.

“Not funny. Silly.” He grabbed the book she had out of her hands, least she throw that next.

“Pig-head,” she muttered.

“Oh, you’ve wounded my soul!” Luke cried as he fell on to a chair.

“Get up. We have work to do.”

“B-but, I’m dying. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Ooof!” he grunted as Sam threw another pillow at him, “ok, ok, I’ll work.”

She raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see.” Once he was out of sight, she smiled slightly to herself, “We’ll see.”
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia




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We are sorry. Inquisitor, Zentillius, and Meshalidar have been suspended due to mendacious and pathetic behavior. Please excuse him.
We are sorry. Inquisitor, Zentillius, and Meshalidar have been suspended due to mendacious and pathetic behavior. Please excuse him.




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Ohhh ... interesting. I want to know why they're hunting tfor these people ... that's good, you got me interested. I can't really find much wrong in the way of grammer.

The Last of the Lines of the Kings: The Ralgan to the Andgua.

Not sure about this here. It confused me a little to see it jammed in the middle, if you know what I mean.

... but I seriously can't find anything else. But I like it! It's interesting.
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Thanks, El. I do have some more, and I finally have the prologue on this computer, so tomorrow I might post it, once I'm done tweaking it.

er--whoops. that's supposed to be a title.. guess I didn't put that in itlaics.. :oops:

And you'll find out why they're looking for them, promise.
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia




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this caught my attention really early on. I like it alot. I couldn't find any typo's but maybe thats because of this late hour. I'd really like to see more of this. Nice beginning to a plot too.

cheers CL
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.
(Due South)

Hatter: Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress? (Alice)

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Don't worry... I'm finishing the final stages of editing this piece...

~BS




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ah, finally got some more revised a bit. prologue still needs work, though. so, first part of chapter one, and then later parts (and yeah, the second part I got a bit stuck on, and yes, Katie and Rhiannon/Rhi are the same person. that will make sense once I get the prologue up, promise) (took out a few echos, sam :P)

***

Katie looked expectantly at her watch, not trusting him to arrive at the appointed time. The clock struck 11:30. Half an hour late already...she thought, I gave him the address, not written, that would have been stupid, but he should know this place! He should, after all this time, even, this place holds so many memories…

The books were piled high here, in this Linden Library. Decrepit shelves, rickety staircases.. all the elements of a haunted place, in the old stories. All that could be called missing was secret chambers, hidden doors, ghosts and spooks, and wind.. but there's certainly enough rain Katie realised as she squinted to see past the dingy windows. Rain! She jumped at the thought. But even he wouldn’t be that stupid, or at least she hoped.

11:45. The door creaked. Katie jumped up, knocking over the small bowl of ancient sweets on the table beside her. Oy... she thought, looking around her again at the now all too familiar site of the dingy room. She glanced at the spiral stair case and followed it's path up to the left, three shelves over. A green book caught her eye. Now that's odd, she thought, I don't recognise that, and most definitely not that gold-black writing.. it's too distinct.

Midnight. The clock rang twelve times, echoing dimly in from the stone walls, to the wooden ones, to the fireplace opposite where Katie was sitting, to the books. Maybe I spelled the entrance wrong, or maybe he forgot to look for the spell.. what if he brought someone with him? she thought frantically, the defenses could not handle more then one of them, and even that was a hope and a prayer.[i] Not that I'd do that, per se. Katie laughed. It was a hallow sound.

Something moved to her left. Katie turned quickly, ready to strike, but all that could be seen was the green book, staring back at her. But books don't have eyes

12:30. She shifted uneasily from foot to foot, trying not to let her growing apprehension show. If only I had the lock spelled better, she thought nervously, or…

The door opened, “Hello.”

“Marc,” she snapped, “could you ever bother to knock?”

“Ah,” he said laughing, “and miss the chance to annoy you? You look relived. Happy to see your old friend, are you?”

“You’re a time waster, Marc.”

“Says the lovely lady,” he smiled sweetly, too sweetly, “and to save you the trouble, I’m also and egotistical jerk, who flirts with everything in sight. We’ve been over this before, Rhi.” He sighed dramatically.

Katie flinched at her name. I was Rhi once, she thought, but that was so long ago, two thousand years to the day.

“Penny for your thought?” he batted his eye lashes at her. Katie said nothing. “What,” he taunted, “will I get change? Would that disgrace your race, my lovely little elan?”

She glared at him. “It’s nothing of your concern.” She flicked her wrist and snatched a green book out of the air. Katie flipped through it with vigor until she found the page she wanted.

“Is that what we need?”

She nodded and continued reading.

***

Marc you idiot! Katie thought as she followed him. She knew it was useless to try and sway him from this, but this was worse than what he did to Tony. Poor boy he was, thrust into service of a lady. Granted, the culture was a bit.. slow, even for them, but what a fate. If only there was another explanation…

“You shouldn’t think so much, Rhi, it gives you wrinkles.”

“Shut your mouth. It’s bad enough you’ve ruined my life, and that boy’s..”

“Tony?”

“Yes, him. Must you continue to be such an-“

“Ass, m’lady? Yes, I do insist. Why defy my better nature?”

Rhiannon glared at him. “I’m not a lady.”

“Oh, that’s right, of course you’re not. You’re the watcher. Rhiannon.”

“It’s. Katie, “ she said, jaw clenched.

Marc reached up to stroke her face, a move she saw, but didn’t refuse. “Why, you’ve grown soft in your old age, m’lady.” She glowered, but said nothing. ‘Remember your past’ where the last words he ever spoke to her.. it was because of him he was even here.. “Thinking of him again, are you?” She nodded curtly, and continued walking. “Sure you know where you’re going?”

“Only somewhere with fowl.. I’m sorry, foul, intentions.” Marc stared. “I’m just following my nose.” She held his gaze at him a moment longer, and walked though a door on her right. Marc laughed until he chocked. Oh, if only she knew what was beyond that door, she wouldn’t have been so keen to rush in. Because only fools did that, and what a fool she had proven herself to be, ill intentioned as it was.

Katie shielded her eyes. The sun was bright, almost over-bright to her. Shows how long I’ve been away, she reflected, too long on the other side of time, I forget what reality looks like..
Last edited by Meshugenah on Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia




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'Decrepit shelves, rickety staircases.. all the elements of a haunted place, in the old stories. All that could be called missing was secret chambers, hidden doors, ghosts and spooks, and wind..'

That's so cool!! But I didn't really get what it was saying until I re-read it several times. Combine it into one sentence, and it'll stick out more.

i.e, "Decrept shelves, rickety staircases...the place held all the elements of an old-time haunted house, minus secret chanbers, hidden doors, ghosts...wind...."

I put in 'the place' because it makes the sentence less confusing. Changed ' haunted places from the old stories' to 'old-time haunted house', because it's a space saver/less chunky. Isolated the word 'wind', 'cause it's important. (you know...scary movies...creepy wind? :D)

'A green book caught her eye. Now that's odd, she thought, I don't recognise that, and most definitely not that gold-black writing.. it's too distinct. '

M'dear, if something was distinct, you would recognize it. :wink: Awkward sentence anyway.

Changes: 'A green book with distinct gold-black writing caught her eye. [i]I don't recognise that. [But I should...or something along those lines...:D]'

Flipped the words around so that most description is at the front, which makes the sentence much crisper. And I made the writing distinct, so she wouldn't have to carry on about it and make the sentence mucho confuzzling.

'Midnight. The clock rang twelve times, echoing dimly in from the stone walls, to the wooden ones, to the fireplace opposite where Katie was sitting, to the books. Maybe I spelled the entrance wrong, or maybe he forgot to look for the spell.. what if he brought someone with him? she thought frantically, the defenses could not handle more then one of them, and even that was a hope and a prayer Not that I'd do that, per say Katie laughed. It was a hallow sound, echoing the echoes of the chimes. '

This was quite a bit awkward. PARAGRAPH EXTREME MAKEOVER! *giggles like a fourth grader* You seem to like the word 'echoes', a lot...

Hang on. I'm going to post ''n' bump, 'cause I feel a comp freeze coming on...
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Okay. Try this again.

Better as: 'Midnight. The clock rang twelve times, sound bouncing dimly from stone to brick to books and repeating itself. Maybe I placed the entrace wrong, or he forgot to look for it...What if he brought someone with him? she thought, frantic. The defenses could only deal with one person, and at the best of times it was still a hope and a prayer. Not that I would do that. Katie laughed. It was a hollow sound, mimicking the chimes and their now-distant beats.'

You carry the sound around too much, and it makes drool come out of the side of our mouths as we go, 'what are you rambling about?' That's why I put that. Changed 'spelled' to 'place', if you had to put a sign outside that spelled 'Entrance' and you spelled it wrong and he didn't come in because of that...he would be considered very dim. :P Changed the 'defenses' sentence a bit, 'cause I liked the retort at the end but the sentence was very choppy in itself. Changed her laugh...had too much fun with the ending...:P

I liked your dialogue. Made me laugh...'don't think too much, it'll give you wrinkles...' lmao. The last sentence was a bit cheesy, but it might grow on me, never know...:D

YAY!

Sam done.
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Sam glanced idly at the book she held, her search still fruitless after three hours. She had several books strewn about her, some falling off the small table in the library, others already fallen and some still open half-heartedly on the table. Her last attempt using the books led her no where and it was the most likely of the books, well, in her opinion.

That sounds just so...awkard. And I'm not completely sure what it means.

The Last of the Lines of the Kings: The Ralgan to the Andgua. Sam had cried out to her friend Luke that she had found something when she saw Sarah Aldrich listed, but it showed no descendents. She then searched in vain for Andelli Watcher, before remembering Watcher was a later-given name to the knight. Luke had laughed at her, and suggested she try the lists to find the knight, but she knew (she couldn’t say how, but she knew) Andelli would be listed in the huge volume. If only she knew where…

“The Bastards of the Watchers from the 12th year of the reign of King Ganda Ralgan II and the 12th Watcher Rhiannon Sure-Sight” Sam read, skimming the list in hopes of finding something of interest.

Jonathyn “Jon” Star
Raylon “Ray-Ray” Day
Kinwana “Kila” Snow
Andale “Andy” Line*
Lysa Song

She stopped. “Luke!”

“Yeah?” he asked, walking out from behind a bookshelf, and dropping several thick volumes on the table, subsequently knocking several other volumes onto the floor.

“Take a look at this,” she pointed to the listing for Andale Line. “What does “andale” mean in the Watcher’s Tongue? The old version.”

This is a lot of information coming at us quickly.

“Andale.” he muttered, “Andale… Well, as a name is (it?) means true son, that much is known, but true son of what remains unclear. I think it may be true son of the Vale, but what Vale, or where is was located, I don’t know.”

Sam snorted. “True son it may mean, but I doubt it would be of a vale. Look at the list. It says “Bastards of the Watchers” so maybe it means true son of the Watcher?”

“Why would someone name a bastard a true son? You know as well as I do that would be stupid,

Remember that they are talking, so make it casual enough. How's just a simple "You know that that's stupid."

especially as the surname is one of the common ones for those born without a name in the north.” He looked thoughtful for a moment, “Well, those of the northern east…”

“What?” Sam asked, “Wasn't that part of the Ralgan’s strong-hold before they ascended the throne?

Luke nodded. “But it makes you wonder…” He grabbed the nearest book and started flipping through the pages earnestly. He slammed the book shut, glanced at the title and snorted in disgust. “Hand me the book you have.” Sam handed it over, marking the pages she found with a slip of paper. “Good,” he murmured. “Here.” He shoved the book under her nose and pointed to a footnote on the page she marked.

“’The 12th Watcher had two true born sons, only one did she accept as her own. The other she disowned, and with that, took his name. He is listed as a bastard of the year she disowned him. He was 16 or 17 at the time, young for a Watcher, but old enough, in his mother’s eyes.

On the other hand, print is usually more formal. Especially research.

The Watcher’s reasons for disowning him are still not known.’” She glanced down the small text until a name caught her eye. “‘Andelli,’” she whispered, “‘was renamed Andale Line, called Andy.’ Luke, we found him!” She looked happy for a moment, but her smile was short-lived, “But what of Sarah? Wait.. it says here ‘it is thought the kings daughter, Sari, is believed to have something to do with the Watcher’s strange behavior in regards to her son,’ but the time is off. She can’t be our Sarah, even by a different name. They lived about 100 years apart, if the time tables are correct.”


“We’re this close!” Sam sighed, exasperated after another day of fruitless searching.

When did this happen...? Did I miss a day?

“Ah,” Luke smiled slightly, “close, yet, so far.”

“Wipe that smirk off your face, Luke.”

“But it was funny,” he laughed. Sam sighed in mock defeat.

“No, this is funny,” she said as she threw a pillow at him.

“Not funny. Silly.” He grabbed the book she had out of her hands, least she throw that next.

“Pig-head,” she muttered.

“Oh, you’ve wounded my soul!” Luke cried as he fell on to a chair.

“Get up. We have work to do.”

“B-but, I’m dying. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Ooof!” he grunted as Sam threw another pillow at him, “ok, ok, I’ll work.”

She raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see.” Once he was out of sight, she smiled slightly to herself, “We’ll see.”

Suggestion: We will see. (more impact)


I liked this. Can't wait for more!
Carpe Diem.



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