The Very Last Drop

I'm having problems figuring out where things should go, so if this is possibly in the wrong forum then i'm sorry! -penny

The red wine is gone.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.
The wine is gone.
So are the cocktail napkins
that I used to blot the wine
spilled on your shirt.
The shirt is gone,
picked up off the floor
and shoved in the suitcase.
The suitcase is gone,
the one the red wine
came home in.
The red wine is gone, too.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.

Awesome! Seriously, I loved this poem - I'm not sure why, but it 'tickled my fancy' as they say, lol. Like wine, there is something in this poem that lurks below the surface, and it is equally intoxicating

The red wine is gone.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.
The wine is gone.

I adore this section. The repetition is very effective and very powerful. We immediately see that this (the wine being gone) is important, but we're not yet told why.

So are the cocktail napkins
that I used to blot the wine
that I spilled on your shirt.
The shirt is gone,
picked up off the floor
and shoved in the suitcase.

Now we begin to understand...Another neat section. I would change the second "that", removing it and "I" in that line altogether, so that it reads "that I used to blot the wine/spilled on your shirt" - it seems to flow better. I love this bit too. The repetition of "is gone" builds up suspense, and we begin to think about what you're really saying here, when you tell us that both the wine, and now the shirt, are gone.

The suitcase is gone,
the one you brought home
the red wine in.
The red wine is gone, too.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.

Powerful ending, the repetition again is really awesome. I cant really criticise this last section at all. Well done! Excellent! Magnifique! Definitely one of my favourites. It has an elusive quality and yet at the same time its telling you things in plain English. I love it. More, please!

Hey bubblewrapped! I took your advice and changed the part about the shirt. I also changed part of the end from "the one you brought the red wine home in." to "the one the red wine came home in" it just sounded better to me, what do you think? I'm still not sure if i like it ending with a preposition though...
-penny

Your writing, in general, has become alot more mature and focused.
It's been very flavo(u)rful, you're definetly coming into your own.

I really enjoy this poem. Is the wine a metaphor for passion?

that I used to blot the wine

I think cutting "that I" would add alot. But I'm not a fan of "I" poetry, as you know. As it is, you only say "I" once, so it's distracting.

You could expand it if you felt so inclined, but it will stand on its own.

I really liked this. I disagree with avalon about the "I" in that line. I think it personalises the poem and gives it depth. Not being a fan of "I poetry" either I think you have used your first person pronouns to excellent effect.

First off, cheers on a well written poem!

The repetition is a really nice effect, however, the punctuation at the end of each line makes the poem super super stacatto. Not that that is a bad thing, but I think the effect would be the same if you eliminated the punctuation at the end of each line and simply let the break speak for itself, except in the ocassion you feel extra emphasis is necessary.

The red wine is gone[.]
Drunk[.]
To the very last drop[.]
The wine is gone[.]
So are the cocktail napkins
that I used to blot the wine -----> (This line is terribly passive. Is there a stronger choice you might make?)
spilled on your shirt[.]
The shirt is gone[,]
picked up off the floor
and shoved in the suitcase[.]
The suitcase is gone[,]
the one the red wine
came home in[.]
The red wine is gone[,]/too[.] -----> (I would include a line break here.)
Drunk[.]
To the very /last /drop[.] -----> (I would include line breaks here too, to place an emphasis on the finality of this parting.)

Hmmm. I liked how the poem came full-circle, but I didn't really get the meaning of the piece.

The red wine is gone.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.
The wine is gone.
So are the cocktail napkins
that I used to blot the wine
spilled on your shirt.
The shirt is gone,
picked up off the floor
and shoved in the suitcase.
The suitcase is gone,
the one the red wine
came home in.
The red wine is gone, too.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.
---------------

It's not bad...


But I didn't understand he symbolism of the red wine. Thjere are so many things it could mean. I didn't get the clear picture I was looking for. I need more of an explanation. You should try expanding this more and making it have a story to it. I'd like to hear that. Good job. 7/10

penny wrote:I'm having problems figuring out where things should go, so if this is possibly in the wrong forum then i'm sorry! -penny

The red wine is gone.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.
The wine is gone.

So are the cocktail napkins
that I used to blot the wine
spilled on your shirt.

The shirt is gone,
picked up off the floor
and shoved in the suitcase.

The suitcase is gone,
the one the red wine
came home in.

The red wine is gone, too.
Drunk.
To the very last drop.

Firstly this should be in stanzas. Now that looks better less untidy. I liked this poem but I didn't understand it very well. Repeating the first line doesn't strike me as memorable ending. Because it's never explained what the red wine symbolises. Overall: If you ever come back on here, edit this poem and respost it so it explains what the wine is.

----------------
Listening to: No Use For A Name - The Trumpet Player
via FoxyTunes

I'm having a really hard time understanding the meaning of this poem.
I think that it's well written but there isn't a clear answer (or any answer for that matter) as to what it means.
Maybe try adding in a couple lines with some background information, more detail, or more understandable metaphors.
I hope this helps!

~shell~

I didn't really understand the poem either, but I liked it. It had sort of a...cheating husband feel to it. hehe!