I Wish

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I wish that I could look into your mind,
Just so I can see how many times I cross it,
Before you came along I had one,
But I met you, fell, and completely lost it.
I wish that I could control my feelings,
To be honest I’m so scared I could pee,
I’m afraid that things won’t work out,
Exactly how I imagined - perfectly.
Last edited by LiNdSeYo7 on Fri Nov 09, 2007 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
<3 Lindsey




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It was really cute I guess I could say. I didn't really find a lot of emotion...just a soft neatly put together piece of work. It's not really my style, but it was interesting and kept me reading.

"You’re everything I want and need,
You’re everything that I adore."

That was awesome.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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I'll have to agree, it had no depth. Seems like you're waiting...waiting...waiting...and still waiting for something to happen. While I was reading this, I imagined a little girl in a patchwork dress holding a droopy daisy reciting her poem in a tiny little sleepy voice. I think the best part was where you said you could pee. If it wasn't for that, I probably wouldn't have kept reading. By the way, is there a series to be expected or is this one of many already out? I'm sure you could do better and I look forward to seeing it.
Thanks,
:twisted: :cry:
Be truthful to your friends,
Be truthful to your family,
But above all, be truthful to yourself.

- Rhuakiel




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Although it does seem to lack deep emotion, I liked it. :)
There were a few lines that I especially liked.

"I wish that I could look into your mind,
Just so I can see how many times I cross it"

I liked how you started the poem out with that line. It's a "cutesy" line, but it's somewhat catchy in my eyes.

"To be honest I'm so scared I could pee"

That was definetly...different. (In a good way though. It kept my attention.)

The only criticism I have is try to show a deeper emotion in your writing.
-Jennie-

Sometimes the best things in life, come from people or things you never thought of before.



Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
— Captain James T. Kirk