The Other Side

He scampers
up the hill.
The sun,
is shining bright.
Joyfully, he
skips,
as he ascends
this great height.

His mind,
it is racing,
with a high
Expectation
What awaits
him? Lots of
joy
and celebration?

Could he find
the family
that he's
never had?
If he does
that would make him
ever
so glad

He crests
the hill
and looks down
from this height
The sun
is still shining
clear
and bright.

Below he espies
a lonely
grassy
plain
No family
no nothing
so he climbs down again.

But there is
a hill in the distance
another-
great height
What's the other
side of it
he wonders,
does the sun still shine bright?

Hey, star!

I liked your rhyming and lining – in most parts.

He scampers

up the hill.

The sun, no comma here

is shining bright.

Joyfully, he this line (and the next one) is just odd

skips,

as he ascends

this great height.

You must be careful about those one-word lines.

His mind,

it is racing,

with a high

Expectation why capitalization?

What awaits

him? Lots of lining!

joy careful

and celebration?

I like the way you're rhyming this, it (so far) has worked well.

Could he find

the family

that he's

never had?

If he does

that would make him

ever

so glad

Now, this stanza, it's just... I don't really like it. The words are empty, the rhymes are cheap, the last lines... "ever so glad". Could you make us feel a little more emotion? Please?

He crests

the hill

and looks down

from this height

The sun

is still shining

clear

and bright.

It's kind of fun little detail that you used the same rhymes here as in the first one, now you just turned them upside down.

Below he espies

a lonely

grassy

plain

Watch it! This doesn't look good.

But there is

a hill in the distance

another-

great height

What's the other

side of it

he wonders,

does the sun still shine bright?

Wait – there are the same rhymes again. I'm afraid I can't let you away so easily anymore. You'd better change either these rhymes or the ones in the fourth stanza.

I liked the idea. You could make it truly shine by rewording, relining, rerhyming etc. But you've got a good basis here, just polish it a bit.


Demeter xx

black star of darkness wrote:He scampers
up the hill.
The sun,
is shining bright.
Joyfully, he
skips,
as he ascends
this great height.

His mind,
it is racing,
with a high
Expectation
What awaits
him? Lots of
joy
and celebration?
Could he find
the family
that he's
never had?
If he does
that would make him
ever
so glad
He crests
the hill
and looks down
from this height
The sun
is still shining
clear
and bright.

Below he espies
a lonely
grassy
plain
No family
no nothing
so he climbs down again.

But there is
a hill in the distance
another-
great height
What's the other
side of it
he wonders,
does the sun still shine bright?

Unless you purposely did this, it appears to me (which doesn't mean much) that you have a few punctuation issues. I italicized (sp?) where there seems to be a little too much capitalization and/or a little too few periods.
Of course, if that was purposeful, so as to keep the poem flowing or what not, then ignore all of this.

I agree with both of the previous reviews re: punctuation and rhyming. Also, be careful of slipping into archaic language to plumb for a rhyme: "espies" makes it sound like you're reaching. Aside from that, I like the simplicity of the image here. If you just tighten it up and polish it a bit I think you'll have a neat poem

Cheers,
~bubbles