The Mask

The Mask

Why do I even try,
to run and hide?
Do I think that salty tears
would not abide?
Why do I run from fear
and anger and hate?
Why do I run from my family
And the desire and fate?
I should stand up
And face it all, standing tall,
but the man in the mirror,
isn’t me at all.
The boy that existed,
so pure and good,
has been corrupted,
And there I stood.
Looking in the mirror,
I see the people there.
The people that love me,
completely unaware,
that I have on a stone cold mask,
that I had placed upon my face.
It was a mask to camouflage and hide,
all my hate and disgrace.
It was just another book,
so deserted and cold.
It was just another chapter,
of another story untold
That damn boy in the mirror,
crying through the glass,
begging the lord
he would forget his past.
This mask formed;
from mothers and fathers alike,
from friends who betrayed me,
through my hate and spite,
through love and loss,
through a first secure kiss,
through a crazy mother
with the lack of love and bliss,
through a drunken father,
that drunk his life away late,
and through little brothers
I just wanted to hate.
Everything is spinning,
and I cannot see
The boy laughs hysterically.
Can’t he let me be?
How long must I suffer,
to have this thing absorbed on my face?
How long must I wait,
to see God’s glory and grace?
Let me take this mask off,
and just show my true form.
I’ll see, in the mirror,
my smile, tender and warm.
I’ll see my eyes sparkle
with no more blasted tears.
I’ll see my hands stop shaking,
and my bright red ears.
Now, I will tempt fate,
and take this cursed life away,
from my face, that haunts me,
day by day.
I feel my hand grab it,
to take it off, to see everything rearranged,
but now it is off
And NOTHING has changed.

I like this poem, as I already told you. XP No mistakes are jumping out at me saying "Fix me! Fix me!" So, Good job! ^_^ Its a big poem, but if it was smaller, it wouldn't be all that good, most likely.


Keep it up,

~Arris

This poem really cuts deep. I can feel your emotions through your words. I think it's one of your best poems, and that you really put your heart into this. Although it's very sad, I think it's a well-written one. Wonderful job Josh!

Wowza. This is wonderful. It's so good because I know you really felt this while writing it. Why do we run and hide? Sometimes I just wish everyone could know how we felt so they'd stop giving us so much crap, right? Anyway, I have nothing to say about any errors or anything. Just know that we all have a mask, kiddo. Just everyone's mask looks a little different.

Holly

P.S. Mine looks the the Phantom of the Opera's, just for the record. Hee hee.

The fact that you've so honestly posted your true feelings and thoughts up like this makes me just love it. I mean, if I was reviewing another poem with a different message I would at least try to nit-pick some problems with grammar and forced rhyming, but I simple can't bring myself to do anything like that on this piece. It's really great, raw and vulnerable. Well done.

This earns a gold star,

Eimear

Rhymes got a bit forced in parts but rhythmically it was spot on. But I'll get away from the technical aspects. Emotionally it's like a knife, it cuts deep. The emotional weight of the poem is overwhelming. The fact that you were able to channel those feelings into a poem is great.

Well done. =D

Thank you all for reading it. It is funny how you can be so mad, that words just come to you, and you have to write them down. I felt so much better after writing this down. Please, do critique it though if you want. I know rhyming was a little forced, but I wrote this about 2 months ago, I think.

Oh my goodness! A completely heartfelt poem. It's amazing in every way, and left me wanting more; although it's long ^__^ You can never have enough of something that's good, though, am I correct? =]

I can't just pick one or a couple lines that jump out at me, because the whole thing did. And I could relate to most of it and I know exactly what you're trying to say.

Amazing work, and I hope you keep writing! I really enjoyed this poem! ^__^


Much Love,
Leelo

It really is nice to see emotion on paper, instead of just flowery words that are pointless. Nice job. Although, I think you need to capitalize, "lord".

*hugs Love2act*

And I've totally been there. Just hang on, and it will get better. I promise.

Wow, I am surprised at the responses I am getting. Thank you! =D
The thing is when I wrote this I really did not want to show anyone, but I wrote it like a month or two ago, and it just popped back up. My brother read it and got a little mad. I told him, it didn’t really have anything to do with him, but he didn’t listen. My dad, has not read it yet. I rather him not…

Wow. A good one. I can imagine that this has just poured from your head, I can feel the emotion and the passion that you've probably gone through while writing this. There were a few forced rhymes, but overall the rhyming was good.

And face it all, standing tall,

but the man in the mirror,

isn’t me at all.

This part was really good and fun to read. Just delete the comma from the second line and you'll be fine.

through a drunken father,

that drunk his life away late,

and through little brothers

I just wanted to hate.

This could perhaps be a little more showing, but the rhymes (though pretty cheap), as well as rhythm, works fine.


Nice job, overall. And the length is good, too. See you around!


Demeter xx

I really liked this poem, no mistakes just emotion and I really love that in a poem. The truth is, this poem is very good. But what is the reader suppose to feel? Hate? Love? Cruelty? What exactly? The poem was great justdon't force the ryme to much it kills the idea and it kills the poem. Over all I liked it, it was great. So good luck keep writing hope to hear more from you soon.

-Max

Beautiful. Just beautiful. The story and emotion behind the whole piece is irreplaceable and there is nothing that I believe needs to be fixed. Its very emotional and it makes me stop and think about reality and the trouble that comes with it. Good job.

this poem is very good , there is a couple of little minor mistakes but i won't say them because this was a good poem, i liked the way you poured your emotion down on paper, really anytime you do that whether it be good emotion or bad it always makes for a great poem.
keep writing
---Jon---

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I enjoyed this poem. Its always good to write out feelings...and the way you did it in this poem was beautiful. My favorite part was when you were talking about what it all came through.

Good job! Keep it up!

I will be waiting for more.