Tear Drop

A tear drop on a petal.
If I could have a wish, I would freeze time.
So that I can treasure this rose you have given me.
But that is not for me to do.
A flower must wilt and join the dew.
And so will you.

Sweet poem. Though I would've liked to read more, this was a little too short. You have nice ideas; why not use all of them? By expanding, this would make a great piece, I think.

If I could freez time, I would do so now.

It's "freeze". Also, "I would do so know" sounds a little empty. This is such a short poem that every word must hit the reader. You could choose mightier words for this line.

Overall, this was beautiful. Maybe not too original, but beautiful.

See you around!
Demeter xx

(and welcome to YWS)

Look over for spelling error(s), first off.

It's a pretty poem, and I enjoyed reading it. It's more of a "feel good", "warm your heart" thing. You know? =3 If I were to give that to a person I'm sweet on I wonder if it'd work... The last thing I have to say is a little more length.

Well anyway, well done and I hope to see more.

Wait... how are you exactly supposed to cry so as to get tears on said rose?



It doesn't really make sense if you think about it. Raindrops, dew, anything can work, but it would be really difficult to get tears on a rose. And I realize it's poetic license and all that stuff, but really. This doesn't make sense at all.

i enjoyed reading this poem and how it sybolized that special moments do not last forever, they "wilt" and go. other than a couple of mis word uses in the poem i really enjoyed it and it made me feel good
keep writing poems!!!!

Snoink wrote:Wait... how are you exactly supposed to cry so as to get tears on said rose?

Ya know, that was completely pointless to put that here, I'm guessing that it was a metaphor. Anyways, this is a beautiful poem about capturing beautiful moments in time. I think the first two or three lines are a bit empty, there isn't enough feeling in them. Improve that and give it more feeling and this could be an absolutely wonderful poem.