A Smile, and the World Stops Breathing

And then, the world ended.
The stars fell down like tear drops,
and I caught them in my palms as they trickled to the earth.
And I fell right through the floor,
as it heaved and breathed beneath me,
and I thought that I heard voices,
but it was just the silence.
You know,
I thought I saw you smile at me,
as I walked past you in the hallway.

It was okay, but not fantastic. Infact, this poem is on the shorter side. The title, honestly doesn't fit in, and one sentence I didn't think was fit was
"And I fell right through the floor,

as it heaved and breathed beneath me,"
You've go the right idea, but you need to keep working.
Good job by the way.
.::=SIC=::.
(Sword In Chest)

Oooo! Pretty!

And then, the world ended. <--- Love the beginning! But take away the comma and make the period a comma.

The stars fell down like tear drops, <--- Once more, take away the comma.

and I caught them in my palms as they trickled to the earth. <--- Hehehe! Okay! This is probably too rantish, but instead of saying that they trickled down to earth, I would say something like they were weighted with gravity or something to make it sound a little more original. Like, "and I caught them in my pals as they, weighted by gravity, fell down in the floor." Or something! And then, for my next line, I would say, "And I fell with them..."

And I fell right through the floor, <--- Already commented on it.

as it heaved and breathed beneath me, <--- What is "it"? The ambiguity of what "it" is kills your poem, so describe! Still, an easy fix.

and I thought that I heard voices, <--- More description would be nice here...

but it was just the silence. <--- ... and here.

You know, <--- I would change the comma into a colon (:).

I thought I saw you smile at me, <--- Ew! Take away the comma!

as I walked past you in the hallway. <--- Oooo! I love the idea! But it's still a little clunky. Maybe just, "as I walked past you"? Or... no. That doesn't work. But play around with it! It'll get better... it already is pretty good.

I like this poem a lot, but as aforementioned, it could do with a bit more length.

And then, the world ended.

The stars fell down like tear drops,

I like the way that you started the poem here but using 'And then', so it sounds like you're half way through. I thought that worked well.

I don't think you should change much, or it will loose its essence, but a few changes could be made. I agree with what Sword in Chest said about the line "as it heaved and breathed beneath me,", although I do like the line before that. Maybe use a lighter word instead of 'heaved'? If that makes sense.

I really like this though! There aren't many big errors!

Nice! I like the enthusiasm of the end, where it turns out that it was just a boy smiling at you as you passed him in the hallways. It expresses a lot of emotion, and it described what a lot of people think of boys they like. sure, it could have been a little better on some parts, like the part of the floor breathing, and I'm sorry, but it sounds like something that would make me laugh, no offense. So, just a few quirks of the poem and it's great! So, don't quit writing, and have fun with it.

This was great. I looked at it and thought it was way to short to be any good, but reading it...and wow.

At first I thought this was going to be about death or something but the spin you put on it was a lot better.

You're probably one of my favorite writers now just because of this.

Wow-o-wow!

I love how this started and how it ended. Usually I don't like short poems but this was great. You made this seem so surreal but then it ended simply. Simply beautiful.
Good Job
-Angel