Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
who’s the fairest of them all?
Who’s that fat girl that I see
always staring back at me?
Mirror Mirror, why so cruel?
Why my eyes you always fool?
My hands say ribs are clear to see,
oh hands, why are you mocking me?
Mirror Mirror do not lie.
Tell me why my bones still hide
under fat and flesh and skin
Mirror when will I be thin?
Mirror Mirror let me rest.
Must I strive to be the best?
Will Ana ever let me go?
Or will I die before I know?
Mirror Mirror let me cry.
Soon my tears will all be dry.
When Ana's sucked the life from me
Mirror Mirror what will I see?

Hello!

Firstly, I want to make it clear that I don't know much about poetry. I'll try to do my best, though, and I hope it's helpful.

Why my eyes you always fool?

Because it's a question, the word "do" needs to be there somewhere... maybe: "Why my eyes do you always fool?"

When anas sucked the life from me

I think this should be "ana's" because you're saying "ana has," aren't you? That brings me to my next point:

Who is ana, and why isn't her name capitalized? Is she supposed to represent anorexia? I don't really understand. It may just be me being dumb, but I think you should clarify her.

Other than than, interesting poem for sure! The rhyme works well and the rhythm is consistent and easy to read.

Hope this helps somewhat.

Feel free to PM me.
~Azila~

Anorexia is commanly called Ana among anorexics, just as there is death and the person Death if you see what I mean, sorry for any confustion.

And I missed out the do because I liked it better without

bluecows wrote:Anorexia is commanly called Ana among anorexics, just as their is death and the person Death if you see what I mean, sorry for any confustion.

And I missed out the do because I liked it better without

Well, I've heard "ano" but not "ana." Just goes to show that even though I'm a ballet dancer, I'm not anorexic, eh?

Also, about the "do" I guess it's just a matter of opinion?

Wow...
It's like you read my mind and transfered my thoughts into this poem.

... Wow.

So this is amazingly accurate, and superbly well written. I can't find too many faults with it, besides, I don't really want to rip it to shreds seeing as I loved it so much. The begining sort of poked fun at the cliche, but the rest was definately very real.

Good job, my friend. Bravo.

Eimear

I liked this; it just seemed to be placed in the exact place. Very good, you know. It's also very unique; I haven't really seen any other poems or stories quite like this. It was very... interesting. You should do more stuff like this. Also, I don't really have any crit to give. Awesome job! 0(o.o)0

Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked you it, this poem means alot to me xoxo

I simply loved the idea.Very well done.Me too no crit to give because its good the way it is.Even you worked out nicely with the rythm.

Keep it up!

~Shine~

Ahh, the tyranny of anorexia, nice idea.

You had a perfect rythmn I have to say, nice and fat, I should say.
the whole thing fits so perfectly.
I also really like the beat, as if it's some sort of music, not a pretty music, almost mocking, like the mirror.

This hasn't naythign to do with you has it?


Then I'd be worried.

Thaks for opening my eyes though.


toodles!

Good job. I liked it how you took a commonly known poem and transformed it as your own. I liked the first two lines because even though they're not your own, they kind of give the poem a good start and don't exhaust the reader in the beginning... if you know at all what I mean.

"Mirror Mirror, why so cruel?" --> I liked this one.

"When Ana's sucked the life from me
Mirror Mirror what will I see?" --> in this the flow wasn't too good, it would sound better if the last line was "Mirror Mirror what I'll see?" even though that's not grammatical.

Anyway, nice job, but somewhat gloomy subject. But let's not let it bother us, right?

Demeter

Be careful with the rhyme scheme; it really takes over the poem, which isn't the best way to go. When reading this out loud, if you stumble or it becomes unnatural to say words in that rhythm, it's a clear indication that the poem is written to the rhyme, rather than letting the rhyme come with the poem.

The idea of asking a "mirror mirror on the wall" fits well with the topic, but the constant repetition is unnecessary. "Mirror when will I be thin" is the emotional climax of the poem, but the poetic stress/emphasis on the words is lost because the "mirror mirror" structure is so overused in the rest of the poem. This is a good repetition to keep because the narrator really is interrogating the mirror, almost personifying it, as is done in the first line. The rest are rhetorical questions that the narrator is asking just to ask, but these two repetitions, the first and the "mirror when will I be thin", are especially good to keep because they seem to beg an actual answer.

You might want to consider personifying anorexia as well by changing "Ana" to a proper name like "Anna" but that might get a bit more complicated.

I thought the the poem was excellent, i was able to sympathize with the character in the poem i liked the line 'Tell me why my bones still hide
under fat and flesh and skin' because it illustrates how behind every person wether 'fat' or anorexic has a person and story behind them and how behind everyone, no matter what lies a human being with human emotion

Adele x

Wow. This was... absolutely amazing. It really captures the darker side of a frightening reality well, but by binding it to something of a hook in that famous line from Snow White.

Who’s that fat girl that I see

To avoid using 'that' twice, you coud say "Who's the fat girl that I see?" ...Or not.

I think you mind need commas, too, such as when: "Mirror, mirror, let me rest." or "Mirror, mirror, do not lie."

Will Ana ever let me go?

It might be more dramatic to say, "Will Ana never let me go?"

But it's all up to you, obviously.

All things considered, I thought this was an awesome poem. It was really good.

I absolutely loved this poem!
i loved how you have portrayed the character and anorexia itself.

My favourite lines..

Mirror Mirror let me cry.
Soon my tears will all be dry.
When Ana's sucked the life from me
Mirror Mirror what will I see?

i think this was very well written. the rythmn was great. no crit.

Keep It Up x