Foreign Markets: 1x07 "Of Mice and Men" /P

Removed.

Ah! Yes! *high fives* You're getting much better at keeping a joke incorporated longer, rather than a bunch of one-liners. It's absolutely fabulous.

One thing you might want to watch: Lena seems more and more like a man each episode. I love her, but. XD

I do love how you bring the episode full-circle with the mouse joke. ^_^ I am, however, still a little concerned about the "inking" line when they come back to the car. I understand it's a reference to the prior episode, and continuity is always a good thing, but it seems a little arbitrary. For that matter, so does the reappearance of the Crochets. I love the "James / J'aime" lines, but I'm uncertain about using Lena's parents as just a means to an end. Then again, I don't know much about writing scripts. ^_^

I expect royalties for the L Word dialogue.

But yes! I like. I agree with Fand about the use of Lena's parents, it did seem a bit random and forced; however, I think this episode succeeded because the interplay between James and Luke seemed so natural, and it developed well. Much better now James is back for good.

Squee. ^^


That was awesome, dear. I love the mice, those two boys are such girls. I do really like how it came back to it in the end too, nice. I agree with Sam, you're moving into extended jokes, it works realy well.

Lena = love, still. Although James and Luke are really my favourites, still. I'm so glad they're back together. ^^ *huggles teh boys*

Man, how weird is Alex?... I mean... yeah. o.O

All in all, this was great. ^^ Much enjoyment. Next one, sir! And don't spare the innuendo!... or something. *coughs*

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

The quality continues to be brilliant. I absolutely adore the part with the mouse and when Sunshine is complaining about Tigerlily killing things. It almost reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother about my own kitten.

Looking at the possible origin of James' name was clever though I agree that having the parents randomly come back was a touch awkward. Perhaps you could have Alex start that conversation instead? I'm sure he and Sunshine could pull it off.

Lena getting the template was awesome though I'd have liked you to expand that, to maybe show us a scene with Lena and the guy. I'd love to see her acting seductive and persuasive XD

Brilliant chapter! Now write more.

^^ Another great episode. The fact that James and Luke are so afraid of a little mouse amuses me to no end.

I don't agree that Lena's parents were just randomly thrown in there with no point. Their appearance and the fact that they are going home gives a better idea of when the episode takes place in comparison to the previous episode. While, yes, the appearance itself was kind of random, I see the point in it.

As for the Alex and Sunshine thing.. I swear you mentioned in an earlier episode that one of them was against marriage... maybe I'm wrong... But I'm sure you did... *goes back to check that.*


Edit: Yep. Episode 05.

"SUNSHINE
Luke! You can't stay in a relationship with someone who wants to get married!

LUKE
Why…not? Not that I want to marry her, but in general?

Sunshine shakes her head, aghast at his ignorance.

SUNSHINE
Marriage has been used to oppress thousands, maybe even millions, of women throughout the world! How can you support an institution that oppresses people and keeps them from being with the one they truly love?

Luke shrugs.

ALEX
Wait, wait, Sunshine…I thought we were getting married.

Sunshine shakes her head.

SUNSHINE
As if.

Alex looks over at her, hurt and confused."

.... So um.. The fact that Sunshine said yes is shocking and confusing..

~Rea

Haha, this was great. As has already been said, I’m liking the continued jokes. But don’t lose the one-liners completely. Since the humor of the first shows mainly consisted of them, I think it would be kinda empty without them. Balance it out, yes?

And yes, Sunshine’s instant agreement to Alex’s sudden proposal (after she said she would turn him down…. Makes it odd on both parts) surprised me a bit, but I put it down to Sunshine being Sunshine and Alex being Alex. While strange for normal people, Sunshine and Alex aren’t exactly normal. They can almost get away with it by the skin of their teeth, but I’d try to do something there… or explain it in the next episode, perhaps with one or more of the other characters wondering the same thing.

Luke laughs as they stand there for a moment until a COMMOTION is heard from under the bed and a small mouse darts out. James jumps up onto the bed and watches in horror as the mouse runs towards Luke, who promptly gets up on the bed as well. The mouse suddenly retreats beneath the bed.

Haha!

LUKE
Oh, if that's how it's going to be, then you should be the one to go open the door as punishment for leaving me to drown in the pool of estrogen.

Nice come back.

JAMES
Then how the HELL did it get upstairs?

Lol! And they do too climb… one crawled in bed with me and my sister when we took a trip to our cabin. There was also evidence of said mouse on shelves and in the lofts. But moving on.

But only for you, Luke. But you two should know that Tigerlily is absolutely ferocious and also loves the taste of chickens. If she nips at your ankles, you'll know why.

Nix one. Perhaps replace the second with ‘And’ or something else of that ilk. There were a couple other repetitions, but I couldn’t find anything else wrong with it. And other than this one, the repetitions weren’t so bad… not bad enough to change, just noticeable. I’ll let you do a read through to see if anything should go or not.

A small SQUEAK is heard from somewhere in the room.

JAMES (CONT'D)
I vote you go open the door.

Loved the ending.

This is late! But I swear I read this post a while ago! I'm here now though, hehe. Okay. So, the beginning conversation with James and Luke was classic. I love how they talk together when they're alone. It's so cute...and awkward. But mostly cute. And then, they run from a mousey! That was hilarious. At first I was like, no one of them is going to be the "stronger" one and save the day. But no. Neither of them moved. If they were together I don't think they would have roles. They'd have to just both be scaredy cats. Awesome. Lena's parents are still awesome. They were more awesome the last time because they seemed a little more refined this time around but still. Whoa. I just got your title. I know that's random but, epiphany moment.

Anyways, Lena is more girly with Michael but she did kinda come out as masculine when she was with him and earlier in the other scripts. I think it's just because of her humor though, and the fact that she's around a lot of men, so it only seems like her character is maturing and she's changing as a person. Very nice . Ann and Jeremy seem closer then ever, I can't help but to think though, my mind going into Ariel/Sarah mode everytime she says something, that she's trying to take advantage of everyone just to get her evil little way. And that makes me sad for Jeremy, he seems so nice. *sigh* And! Okay, I thought that Sunshine wasn't ever going to get married! I was like "You go girl! Finally someone who fights the man!" But then she gave in...to Alex! For some reason I just see Alex as a perv but you know, Sunshine is a perv herself, so I guess it works out. And he was so adorable when he asked her. Now, some of my favorite lines:

LUKE
Well. Love sucks, doesn't it?

James grins.

JAMES
Absolutely. Who needs it?

Luke nods.

LUKE
Not us!

JAMES
Damn right. Nothing can come between us.

A small SQUEAK is heard from somewhere in the room.

JAMES (CONT'D)
I vote you go open the door.

**Cute!

ALEX
I think I just inked myself! Where're the restrooms?

**XD wow. Nemo flashback.

ANN
(same)
Luke! How are you--look, I want you to talk to Harvey, okay? He's Australian, you're British, and--

INTERCUT WITH Alex's car.

LUKE
(same, offended)
We're not the same.

**I just couldn't stop laughing here.

There are many many others, including a bunch of things that Lena said because she's just funny all the time, but I don't want to just copy down your entire script...So, I loved everything okay!

Now off to read number huit! *gives you cookies*

~Rieda

Michael is sooooooooo cute! We better see more of him later. His name, incidentally, was the original name of Daniel in FREAK. It is funny that Lena falls in love with him. And he does seem cute.

And ZOMG! The beginning ties in with the ending! I love you for that!

James and Luke totally need to at least experiment a little... or else. And that's totally not a threat.

Poor Michael... he's probably going to get fired when Mr. Harvey finds out what he's done. But maybe that means he can stay with this crazy crew? Haha... I wonder which room he'll be in!

Alex and Sunshine are weird. They should just kill themselves with a nuclear warhead... that would be nicer than a lifetime of marriage.