Le Ballet Volé

This flows so beautifully! A truly wonderful work of art--how you have the musician and the dancer.

Muaha, you're a clarinet player, aren't you Snoink? I got a nice image of one. Really love the broken reeds line. I can certainly relate to that.

In any case, I think I know what's going on in this poem. I'm not going to say though, because I'll most likely just end up being completely wrong and killing it.

Haha hilarious. "a tutu for your naked flesh"...genius.

However, Snoink, there is a MAJOR, MAJOR problem. A problem that can only be solved with the help of... the metaphormeister!

METAPHORMEISTER:
This key in the park is a cluttered sky of metaphor soups.

Basically, what the Metaphormeister is saying is that you have WAY too many metaphores blended, mixed, and jumbled up together, so now instead of one, concrete poem, we have fourteen.

Take my words (GRAB them) and
twist them (TWIST them) around your body,
a tutu (FINE, this one's related with the other ones.)for your naked flesh,
and spin around, your toe
grinding into my brain (I think this is a metaphor too. Otherwise, yuck.)
as you leap
from your perfect attitude en pointe. (Leap, not literally, especially when you are tiptoeing on somebody's brains.)

Ignore me--I am only the pit musician
with too many broken reeds
who, when Beauty tumbles from my lungs,
can only gasp, my fingers curving around
silver keys, watching my muse
snatched away from my soul
only to become
your dance.


SIMPLIFY. Please. You got so many beautiful metaphors in here, why show them all off in one poem? It's anyways not going to be good with so many metaphors. One of the biggest mistakes poets and authors make is they take a metaphor, and instead of opening it, stretching it into a beauiful canvas, they use it as a tissue.

IMO, the best metaphor is the tutu. Stick with it.

Because the metaphors support the main idea of the poem?