THE TALE OF THE DRAGON JEWELS

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THE LEGEND OF
THE
DRAGON JEWELS


The legend of the dragon jewels began over a war with two vast Metropolis Bruda & Fiyou. Now these two Cites had been fighting for five years. Over the Vernoplis Cross because legend had said who so ever owns The Vernoplis Cross shall be as a god and another legend says that it would find any Artifact, weapon our magic lost like the Holy Grail. But you see none of them had it. So one day the king of Fiyou decided to send a spy into Bruda to check if they had it and Bruda sent a spy in Fiyou to check if
They had it. A few days later both spy's returned and reported that there was no Vernoplis Cross in either city. So that night both kings sent out a message clearly stating that it is time for a Peace Treaty. But King Scott of the city of Fiyou also invited King Joseph of Bruda and his wife Queen Jane. That night both kings discussed the business of the Vernoplis Cross.

"I propose a contest said King Scott."

"I agree,” said King Joseph."

"This is how it will go, you send 3 skilled people and I send 3 skilled."

People up the mountain behind my castle I have reason to believe it was hidden up there in the 40 year war announced King Scott"(The 40 year war was over undead and Humans The leader of Human was called Scryran Tamarson The Leader of The Dwarfs was called Garcullus Graniticus and the leader of the of the elves was called Calorynne Harebreath of Sulthara and the Necromancer was named Senesto the Necromancer. The battle had started the Human were losing badly. Meanwhile Dorma Kendrell of Carradyne the best commander in Carradyne

"We have the fear of god in them men do not desert we will wi…argh.
Suddenly an arrow came out of nowhere an embedded in his chest

"d. o n.ot de.sert w.e wi.ll w.in I .pro…mise yo.u’s w.ill s.ucc.ee.d argh”.

Already 20000 lives were lost and 3000 had deserted Faaradyn Trill the Wizard of the Crying Crags and the kings main counsellor told the king nobody was going to survive. This was going to be a massacre.

“We are doomed,” said Faaradyn.

“ NO I WILL NOT GIVE UP YOU DO NOT KNOW AT STAKE CARRADYNE WILL BE RAZED TO THE GROUND INNOCENTS LIFE LOST. WE MUST WIN. WHERES IS GURACULLUS AND CATOLYNNE HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN THEIR SACRED OATH SWORE ‘PON THE SACRED BONE OF GHERHYMME THE BLESSED, PLEASE NO PLEASE CARRADYNE MUST NOT FALL!

Then all of a sudden the Dwarven war horns sounded.

”Thank Gherhymme you’re here Garcullus”

“You did not think I would miss out on chance of ridding this world of Senesto, so ATTACK,” bellowed Garcullus
Then a White Unicorn flew down carrying Catolynne Harebreath

“WE MAY DIE WE MAY LIVE IT WILL BE WORTH IT FOR THE FUTURE OF THE ELVES SO FIGHT YOUR BEST AND MAY THE SPEARS OF KALELORINE BE ON OUR SIDE DRINK WELL THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES THIS DAY, ARCHER FIRE WARRIOR ATTACK MAGES DESTROY THE ENEMY’.

40 years later the king, Garcullus, Catolynne had finally surrounded Senesto
“TIME YOU PAY FOR ALL THE LIFE'S YOU DESTROYED,” shouted Scryran.

“You may defeat me but there will be others like me I have seen the future of all your kingdom your kingdom will be destroyed by dragons”
Replied Senesto.

“Well I will not be you to kill us so die Senesto. Angrily screamed Schyran stabbing Senesto in the heart.

The human and dwarfs and elves finally won but Senesto had a wife who legend says she had a son so it could happen if the son was evil like his Father.)

"Why did you not go up there?” said King Joseph inquiry

"Because it supposes to be the last resting place of dragon"


"I guess it only superstition, well okay it sounds fair,” replied King Joseph

So next day the town caller announced the competition
"This Friday their will be three competition one for Strength, one for Knowledge/Cunning, and one for Magic. All species Welcome." The next few days were bit unusual heroes and heroine from other cities came. Some civilians asked how they heard about this competition they answered by word of mouth. So Bruda and Fiyou normally hero free environment was now bustling with Wizards entertaining kids warriors showing off their muscles to the cutest girls they could find plus elves doing target practice and dwarves drinking Ale at the local inns. Meanwhile back in the Fiyou castle the king was thinking this in not a normal day in both cities and thinking was this very good idea or not. Meanwhile on another floor the Heir to the throne of Fiyou prince Ronald was wishing he could have a go at the competition for Cunning. But he was doing his studies so he thought of a plan.

Next night he climbed out of the window and crept along the roof. Then he used the ivy as a climbing frame and climbed down. The next day the Queen was in hysterics because she did not know where the prince was. Now you know when the prince escaped he was actually a bit of a rogue and he was greedy as well. So those twenty-four hours went quite quick in the end there were six champions 3 in each city. The names of the champion were Prince Ronald (he was 16 quite tall and lucky), Oak the lord of elf (was an expert at archery and he had gold hair gold eyes and smile that no girl could resist but unlucky for those girls he had his eyes on Galarainne, and also his armour was made of a material in the forest that was so hard to find only elves knew where it was) and Roland the dwarf (he had a beautifully carved axe it was also very strong and he had a ginger beard ginger hair and armour crafted out of Mithril those were the champions in Fiyou. The champions in Bruda were Cron the Necromancer (Cron was a very mysterious person he had red eyes and wore a black robe and held the blood dagger) Galarainne the Elf (she was really gorgeous and rumour had it that was she attracted Oak the elf, she has blond hair bright blue eyes a beautiful suit of armour) and Sorrow the wizard (Sorrow had been a well-known person in the wizard circles but nobody really knew him in these cities. He had a long white beard silver hair blue eyes a long gold robe and a staff made out of oak and it had a silver piece of metal going around the staff on top was crying crystal, a. A scrying crystal is known as the most powerful crystal in life it can see future event and do all sorts of spells,)

"Now wait here one minute" shouted King Scott "my son can't be a champion it is not right"

"Sorry but he won six games replied the Judge"

"I demand another contest,” shouted king Scott angrily

"No way shouted King Joseph

"Sir what if we let him go he seems keen to go,” said the judge

Okay I will let him go but give him lots of armour and The Sword of Schyran the last king of Carradyne.

The next day all the champions left for Dragon Tooth cave. Now in a few hours everyone was out apart from the prince. He was busy looking for treasure when he saw a very bright glint further in the cave. So he went to have a look and saw lots of different colour jewels. He went to pick up them when he saw a sign with burnt in writing saying, Beware don't touch the dragon jewels unless ye want the world to be ruled by dragons.

"Nonsense", shouted the prince

And so as he picked up 10 jewels there was a rumble loud enough to wake the dead. The prince a quickly dropped the jewels and ran out. Meanwhile Sorrow was smoking a pipe and waiting and sitting on a chair he conjured, then all of sudden he saw a dragon come flying out the top of the mountain. “Break over, time this beast got slain.” Just then three more dragon came out.
“Uh Oh Galarainne Sorrow we have a bi********g problem”.

“WHAT”? They both said once.

”THAT” he screamed.

“OH” they answered shaking.

Just when Roland reached the mouth of the cave he saw everyone screaming and heroes and heroines fighting dragons. He looked at his once home now in ruins and burning. He also looked at the other cities burning.
.
"What have I done?” Cried prince Ronald

Just then before anyone could defend him, he got grabbed by a dragon and eaten.



That is how the curse began.

THE CURSE OF THE
DRAGON JEWELS
"So that is the legend of the Dragon Jewels, Does
Anyone have any questions? Asked the tour guide"

"YEAH" Said the artefact hunter.

(Now the artefact hunter was a man called Daniel some say he was trying to find Atlantis while other said the Holy Grail. He was quite tall blond hair hazel eyes and a strong build)

"What"

Do you think The Vernoplis Cross is real?"

"Possibly"

"You know what I mean"


"No"

"Well it likes this. It could exist."

"Oh thanks he said sarcastically"


"ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS"

"YES LITTLE BOY WHAT YOUR NAME"

"EDWARD" "Ahem coughed the Tour Guide can we move on


"Yes" shouted everyone

" Okay next place we are going is Dragon Tooth Cave "

Everyone arrived at Dragon Tooth Cave at 5.00pm
He thought it like a Dragon mouth. But one thing struck Edward as odd why was there cinder marks on the cave. The Tour Guide came up with a lousy excuse

'Scuse me why is there soot on the walls of the cave?


"Well you see this used to be a volcano,” said the tour guide quickly.

"But it looks new"

"So it does." shouted the Scots guy"(The Scottish Guy was new to the town no one knew his name yet at all he wore a kilt a Sporran and Beret. He had ginger hair and ginger beard also quite a strong build

Suddenly Edward saw a raggedy old man when Edward turned round. But can you believe it; it was like he was invisible because nobody had noticed him. Then he spoke words that sent a shiver down Edward spine

"YE SHOULD NOT ENTER THY CAVE OF DRAGONS!"

"Say that again." Edward asked shivering from head to toe

"YE HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED. LEAVE NOW OR PERISH!"

But before Edward could even utter another word he disappeared. It was now like he had imagined it all but he seemed so real so lifelike.

By now Edward sick and tired of this argument so he shouted

"Shut up please it now 7:00pm can we pack it in now!” Edward shouted."


"Okay." said the tour guide." you can go home now".

"But what about exploring the cave?" Said Professor Colin Dunn.

THE REALIZATION


"I need to explore that cave now or I shall sue you promise we would explore it, I came here to this dead end town to explore this cave an you tell me to leave."

"OKAY, OKAY I SHALL LET YOU EXPLORE THE CAVE BUT ALL THE OTHERS LOOK TIRED SO IT WILL JUST HAVE TO BE US ON OUR OWN".
Bloody hell, Edward heard the tour guide mutter

The next day Edward called on Joan and left for the Tour Guides office.
But when Edward and Joan arrived there was not the usual big queue around the office and even when it was small Professor Colin Dunn was always there. Even when he was sick he would still be there. Professor Colin Dunn was quite tall with a Hitler Moustache. He wore a tweed coat and a tweed hat, and he had blackish hair. But back to the story when Edward and Joan came they closer noticed that there usual tour guide was missing. Instead they had a fattish man possibly in his late 40s by what I could tell.

Edward asked," what has happened to the old tour guide?"
What Edward got was a very gruff response "he has the plague, kidding he is just very ill."


"Oh tell him Edward said get well soon." Said Edward nicely

"Okay. He said He suddenly spoke quickly and quietly; He had been missing until last night he muttered very quickly


"Thanks."

Joan and Edward decided that it was time to see if they could find the old tour guide.


THE GUARDIAN

Edward and Joan walked about what seemed like ages until Edward saw the old raggedy man again

"Who are you? Edward shouted.

"WHO AM I, DOES NOT MATTER!
BUT I SHALL TELL YOU ANYWAY. I AM THE GUARDIAN OF DRAGON TOOTH CAVE.WHICH MEANS I AM ITS SWORN PROTECTER SINCE THE D.D.D.
WHICH STANDS FOR DRAGON DOOMS DAY

" Which means? Edward gasped

"IT MEANS THAT YOU HAVE BROKEN RULE OF HUMAN 456 CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT."

"Which means what?" Edward asked

"IT MEANS THAT THANKS TO PRINCE RONALD MANY EONS AGO THAT THE DRAGONS ARE FREE FROM THEIR JEWEL PRISON. SO LEAVE NOW OR ELSE PERISH LIKE THESE RECENT VICTIMS PROFESSOR COLIN DUNN AND YOUR OLD TOUR GUIDE."

What Edward saw made him want to leave quickly. They still had flesh on their bodies but there were burnt so badly that you could see some of there bones.

"What happened to them?" Edward queried.

"THEY WERE BURNT TO DEATH BY A DRAGON. "BUT THEIR DEATHS COULD ACTUALLY BE WORTH IT."

“How? Edward said angrily."

"WELL, IF YOU LOOK IN THE GEOLIGIST'S HAND YOU WILL NOTICE A INTERESTING ROCK".

"Which means what exactly?" he interrupted.

"IT MEANS THAT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO PUT THE DRAGONS BACK IN THEIR PRISON."

"But it just a rock!" Edward Exclaimed

"NO IT IS THE LAST REMAINING DRAGON JEWEL BUT YOU HAVE TO FIND THE KING OF THE DRAGONS AND DEFEAT HIM AND HE WILL RELINQUISH HIS HOLD ON OUR PLANET." "GOOD LUCK."

"Where is Joan?” Edward asked


"OH SHE RAN OFF BORED." He said casually.

"But why did she run off? Couldn't she see that I was talking to you? I asked.

SHE COULD NOT SEE ME BECAUSE IF SHE SAW ME SHE WOULD DIE. ONLY ROYALTY CAN SEE ME.

"Oh but I am not related to any royalty am I?" Edward asked in surprise.

WELL IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GO. YOU NEED TO FIND THAT GIRL. SHE IS IN GREAT PERIL."

"LEAVE NOW OR SHE WILL PERISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


"Okay which way did she go?" said Edward bravely

"SHE WENT FURTHER INTO THE CAVE" Was the distant reply from the vanishing guardian.

Edward left puzzled, "If I was royalty I wouldn’t I be richer, would I not? " he thought.
As Edward went deeper into the cave he saw lots of smoke and soot plus animal bones.
Then Edward saw it a glimpse of a dragon. It was black with a club tail and huge black wings.
But it seemed to be trying to chase something. Edward could not believe it, was a mouse!
When Edward saw that, he thought it must have been very hungry and if it saw me it would probably try and eat me. Edward ran and ran completely forgetting about Joan.

Edward walked home tired just about ready to cry because he knew the Dragons would eat her.

"It just not fair I never believed in these things until now" he screamed angrily. Fighting back his tears.





CHOICES


The next day went back to the cave to look for even though Edward knew it was hopeless. Before he left he decided to ask his Mum about him being royalty he thought.

"Mum am I royalty" Edward asked

"Well I would say yes because you get away with murder,” she said jokingly.

"No I mean seriously” Edward said exasperated.

"No not that I can think of why"

"Just curious" he said innocently.

"Oh bye"

"Bye"

When I arrived at the cave I notice that man was there.

" HELLO” HE SAID

"Hi" he replied


"HAVE YOU LEARNED OF YOUR DESTINY YET"

"No" Edward replied puzzled.

"WANT ME TO TELL YOU"
Edward nodded his head.

“OKAY IT ALL HAPPENED EONS AGO, THE WAR OF DRAGON ALMOST KILLED EVERYONE EXCEPT 40 PEOPLE, ONE WAS YOUR MOTHER SUCCUBUS…”

“But my mother name Sue not the other thing” Edward said puzzled.


“NO YOUR MUM IS SENESTO WIFE.

“But how she still alive” Edward said puzzled

“SENESTO GAVE HER THE GIFT OF IMMORTALITY”

“Does that mean I’m evil?” Edward said sadly

“NO THAT’S YOUR CHOICE, OH HERE TAKE THIS IS THE LAST SWORD OF CARRADYNN GOOD LUCK”

Just then he heard heavy breathing he turned round and saw 50-foot dragons and Joan’s dead body
“WHO DARES STEP INTO MY LAIR”
Suddenly it all came rushing back his real name his farther his mother his life everything in an instant.

“I EDWARD DEATHFIS REALLY NAME DEATHFIS SENESTO SON OF SUCUMBUS THE DARK WITCH AND SENESTO THE NECROMANCER”

“THEN I GUESS YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOU,”GROWLED THE DRAGON

Edward thought should he be good and kills him or should I let the dragon king join me, no

I will slay him he killed Joan. Thought Edward

“No I come to slay you”

“THEN YOU ARE A IDIOT”.

When he started he fighting him Edward had to dodge a lot the Dragon was winning he had burnt his whole body except his sword hand. He was just about to eat him but then I got one last feat of strength I stabbed him in his mouth then in his belly. Then all of a sudden his sword broke.

Then Edward suddenly thought of that spell his
Mum told him to protect him.

“Hanna crust death inn a thousand ways kills ye enemy trying to kill me”

Suddenly the dragon started falling right at Edward he could not get away in time so the dragon fell him braking all of Edwards bones.

“Joan I am coming to you now” said Edward quietly.

Suddenly the guardian came

“SO you FINALLY realizes your destiny I had to make you think Joan would be dead BY NOW so I created a image of her so you could remember YOUR HISTORY AND so you could defeat THE DRAGON you chose good but you did a necromancer spell so you had to die I’m sorry Edward really AND I HELPED YOU REMEMBER A BIT BUT IN THE END IT WAS YOU WHO FIGURE IT ALL OUT GOOD BYE EDWARD DEATHFIS” said the vanishing guardian

Just then Joan came running in and saw Edward lying dead she screamed and ran to Edward mum crying her eyes out saying Edward dead and told everyone to go in the cave to look there. There they found the dragon skeleton and Edward body they took the dragon body to the museum.

Edward funeral was a sad occasion nearly everybody in the town was there. Then the priest said some words

“Edward was a young boy, he always seemed cheerful never a frown. Lets hope he in a better place now.
Ashes to ashes dust to dust, he will be greatly missed”

After Edward’s funeral Sue starting reciting a spell from a book at home. The picture showed a dead mythical animal coming back

Part 2 SENESTO REVENGE


"Bring back Dragon in not flesh but bones and make him destroy thy Enemies of Senesto recited Sue."

Meanwhile the Dragon Skeleton in New Carradyne had brought well-known figures from all around the world from Russia to America.

"This is amazing shouted Professor Catamite."

"This is revolutionary said Prime Minister Vladimir of Russia."

Then all of sudden a David Grenich who was 11 fair haired and quite tall and who was only there because his Mum was the Vice President of America noticed something happening to the Dragon Skeleton it seemed to be moving it wing ever so slightly. He thought he imagined it but then smoke came out the Skeleton Skull. It was over in seconds the dragon skull opened it mouth and out came giant Napalm of fire burning everything in it path. After the Dragon had left the boy went out of his hiding place a display case.

"Hello anyone still alive except me he whimpered".

Meanwhile Sue was now bringing her husband back now.

"Return thy evil Prince of darkness back from thy dead so he wreak havoc on those worthless souls she recited."

In the ruins of old Carradyne a hand came out a dirt then a body an a head it said one sentence

"It pay back time.............
Last edited by deleted6 on Tue Aug 15, 2006 9:17 am, edited 11 times in total.




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you missed alot of periods but i enjoyed the stoy.




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What I see here is a big story in a far-too-small package. You've got the language of a folktale down, and it sounds good, but the story here seems to be a lot bigger than a folktale. The thing you need to do is either expand quite a lot, and not start with a history lesson, or simplify it. Focus on a character from the beginning, rather than with two cities we've never heard of.
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Reichieru wrote:What I see here is a big story in a far-too-small package. You've got the language of a folktale down, and it sounds good, but the story here seems to be a lot bigger than a folktale. The thing you need to do is either expand quite a lot, and not start with a history lesson, or simplify it. Focus on a character from the beginning, rather than with two cities we've never heard of.

Is was thinking of doing another story in that series where it explain how Carrdyne was formed but thanks for the good comments i been doing that story for 3 years now because i kept taking breaks from it




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I agree with bullet proof and Rei.I like it though.
How can you prove that we exist? Maybe we don't exist...




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Punctuation is your friend.
() . , ? " " etc. etc. etc.

Spell check too. Use that. Please, for the love of all that is holy.
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Pay attention to grammar, as well. Please.
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eh that does not make sense it had gone through the spell check when i had gone put it on
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Okay, I read what you added, and same comments from before apply.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
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Wow this was a great read...Keep it up.
see people with your heart and not your eyes




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Thanx
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
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All righty, time for the extraordinary critique.

THE TALE OF THE DRAGON JEWELS

THE LEGEND OF
THE
DRAGON JEWELS


First off, all caps are bad. Use different sizes, bold it, underline it, but never all cap it.

The legend of the dragon jewels began over a war with two Cites Bruda & Fiyou. Now these two Cites had been fighting for five years Over the Vernoplis Cross because legend had said who so ever owns The VERNOPLIS CROSS shall be a god AND another legend says that it would find any Artifact, weapon our magic lost like the HOLY GRAIL. But you see none of them had it. So one day the king of Fiyou decided to send a spy into Bruda to check if they had it and Bruda sent a spy in Fiyou to check if they had it. A few days later both spy's returned and reported that there was no Vernoplis Cross in either city. So that night both kings sent out a message clearly stating that it is time for a Peace Treaty. But King Scott of the city of Fiyou also invited King Joseph of Bruda and his wife Queen Jane. That night both kings discussed the business of the Vernoplis Cross.
1. "I propose a contest" said King Scott
"I agree,” said King Joseph
"This is how it will go, you send 3 skilled people and I send 3 skilled people up the mountain behind my castle I have reason to believe it was hidden up there in the 40 year war announced King Scott"


(The 40 year war was over undead and Humans The leader of Human was called Schyran Tamarson The Leader of The Dwarfs was called Garcullus Graniticus and the leader of the of the elves was called Calorynne Harebreath of Sulthara and the Necromancer was named Senesto the Necromancer. The battle had started the Human were losing badly. Meanwhile Dorma Nogma of Carradyne the best commander in Carradyne” We have the fear of god in them men do not desert we will wi…….argh. A arrow out of nowhere had embedded in his chest ”d..o n..ot de.sert w.e wi..ll w..in I .pro…..mise yo..u’s w..ill s..ucc..ee..d argh”. Already 20000 lives were lost and 3000 had deserted Farandyll Trill the Wizard of the Crying Crags and the kings main counsellor told the king nobody was going to survive. This was going to be a massacre. “we are doomed” said Faradyne. “NO I WILL NOT GIVE UP YOU DO NOT KNOW AT STAKE CARRADYNE WILL BE RAZED TO THE GROUND INNOCENTS LIFE LOST. WE MUST WIN. WHERES IS GURACULLUS AND CATOLYNNE HAVE THEY FORGOTTEN THEIR SACRED OATH SWORE ‘PON THE SACRED BONE OF GHERHYMME THE BLESSED, PLEASE NO PLEASE CARRADYNE MUST NOT FALL!
Then all of a sudden the Dwarven war horns sounded. ”Thank Gherhymme you’re here Guracullus” “You did not think I would miss out on chance of ridding this world of Senesto so ATTACK” bellowed Guracullus then a White Unicorn flew down carrying Catolynne Harebreath “WE MAY DIE WE MAY LIVE IT WILL BE WORTH IT FOR THE FUTURE OF THE ELVES SO FIGHT YOUR BEST AND MAY THE SPEARS OF KALELORINE BE ON OUR SIDE DRINK WELL THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMIES THIS DAY, ARCHER FIRE WARRIOR ATTACK MAGES DESTROY THE ENEMY’. 40 years later the king, Guracullus, Catolynne had finally surrounded Senesto “TIME YOU PAY FOR ALL THE LIFE'S YOU DESTROYED” shouted Schyran. “You may defeat me but there will be others like me I have seen the future of all your kingdom your kingdom will be destroyed by dragons” replied Senesto. “WELL IT WILL NOT BE YOU TO DESTROY US SO DIE SENESTO. Angrily screamed Schyran stabbing Senesto in the heart The human and dwarfs and elves finally won but Senesto had a wife who legend says she had a son so it could happen if the son was evil like his Father.)


You gave us a history lesson. Just because you mention the 40 years war doesn't mean that you need to give us the entire final battle. Delete it, or insert a small reference like (which is a major war between dwarves, elves, and a necromancer)

"Why did you not go up there?” said King Joseph inquiry
"Because it supposes to be the last resting place of dragon"
"I guess it only superstition, well okay it sounds fair,” replied King Joseph
So next day posters were hung up stating that
THIS FRIDAY THERE WILL BE 3 COMPETITIONS IN BRUDA AND FIYOU ONE FOR STRENGTH ONE FOR BRAIN AND ONE FOR POWER. ALL SPECIES WELCOME. The next few days were bit unusual heroes and heroine from other cities came. Some civilians asked how they heard about this COMPETITION they answered by word of mouth. So Bruda and Fiyou normally hero free environment was now bustling with Wizards entertaining kids warriors showing off their muscles to the cutest girls they could find plus elves doing target practice and dwarves drinking Ale at the local inns. Meanwhile back in the Fiyou castle the king was thinking this in not a normal day in both cities and thinking was this a very good idea or not. Meanwhile on another floor the Heir to the throne of Fiyou prince Ronald was wishing he could have a go at the competition for brain skill. But he was doing his studies so he thought of a plan.


Prince is always capitalized because it is a title. Also, I like to format the sign when I put it in, just so it isn't an eyesore.

Next night he climbed out of the window and crept along the roof as skillfully as a cat walking on a quite thick wall. Then he used the ivy as a climbing frame and climbed down. The next day the Queen was in hysterics because she did not know where the prince was. Now you know when the prince escaped he was actually a bit of a rogue and he was greedy as well. So those 24 hours went quite quick in the end there were six champions 3 in each city. The names of the champion were Prince Ronald (he was 16 quite tall greedy and lucky), Oak the lord of elf (was an expert at archery and he had gold hair gold eyes and smile that no girl could resist but unlucky for those girls he had his eyes on Galarainne, and also his armor was made of a material in the forest that was so hard to find only elves knew where it was) and Roland the dwarf (he had a beautifully carved axe it was also very strong and he had a ginger beard ginger hair and armor crafted out of Mithril those were the champions in Fiyou. The champions in Bruda were Jacolon the Necromancer (Jacalon was a very mysterious person he had red eyes and wore a black robe and held the blood dagger) Galarainne the Elf (she was really gorgeous and rumour had it that was she attracted Oak the elf, she has blond hair bright blue eyes a beautiful suit of armor) and Socrow the wizard (Socrow had been a well-known person in the wizard circles but nobody really knew him in these cities. He had a long white beard silver hair blue eyes a long gold robe and a staff made out of oak and it had a silver piece of metal going around the staff on top was scrying crystal, a. A Scrying crystal is known as the most powerful crystal in life it can see future event and do all sorts of spells,)


Never EVER give us all this petty details. All it tells me is that you weren't inventive enough to place it in the story itself.

Also, you mentioned that the Prince was greedy several times, kill it.

1."Now wait here one minute" shouted King Scott "my son can't be a champion it is not right"
"Sorry but he won 6 games replied the Judge"
"I demand another contest,” shouted king Scott angrily
"NO WAY” SHOUTED KING JOSEPH


Just because he is shouting doesn't mean that you carry the cap locks outside of the dialogue.

"Sir what if we let him go he seems keen to go,” said the judge
Okay I will let him go but give him lots of armor and The Sword of Schyran the last king of Carradyne.
The next day all the champions left for Dragon Tooth cave. Now in a few hours everyone was out apart from the prince. He was busy looking for treasure when he saw a very bright glint further in the cave. So he went to have a look and saw lots of different color jewels. He went to pick up them when he saw a sign with burnt in writing saying, Beware don't touch the dragon jewels unless ye want the world to be ruled by dragons.
"Nonsense", shouted the prince
And so as he picked up 10 jewels there was a rumble loud enough to wake the dead. The prince a quickly dropped the jewels and ran out. Meanwhile Socrow was smoking a pipe and waiting and sitting on a chair he conjured, then all of sudden he saw a dragon come flying out the top of the mountain. “Break over, time this beast got slain.” Just then three more dragon came out. “UH OH, GALARINNE JACALON WE HAVE A BIG PROBLEM”. “WHAT”? They both said once. ”THAT” he screamed. “OH” they answered shaking. Just when Roland reached the mouth of the cave he saw everyone screaming and heroes and heroines fighting dragons. He looked at his once home now in ruins and burning. He also looked at the other cities burning.
2."What have I done?” Cried prince Ronald
Just then before anyone could defend him, he got grabbed by a dragon and eaten.

That is how the curse began.


Dear me. You have a piece of dialogue without quotation marks, you repeatedly don't capitalize Prince, and you use caps too much for my taste. Use explanation marks.

I am certain you spent an enormous amount of time on that story, but is this really necessary? Your real story begins in the next paragraph. I recommend you look through the prologue, find the important stuff, and find a way to integrate it in the story.

You could write a book out of the prologue, so write a book about it and make this the sequel instead of wasting the readers time by making them read a prologue the size of the actual story.

THE CURSE OF THE
DRAGON JEWELS
"So that is the legend of the Dragon Jewels. Does
Anyone have any questions?" Asked the tour guide"
"YEAH" Said the artifact hunter.
"What"
Do you think TheVERNOPLIS CROSS is real?"
"Possibly"
"You know what I mean"
"No"
"Well it like this. It could exist."
Oh thanks he said sarcastically"
"ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS"AT YOUR NAME"
"EDWARD and this is my girlfriend JOAN"
"You’re a bit young for a girlfriend are you not laddie?"
"That none of your business
"YES LITTLE BOY WH is it sir"
"Ahem coughed the Tour Guide can we move on
"Yes" shouted everyone
"OKAY NEXT PLACE WE ARE GOING IS DRAGON TOOTH CAVE"


You need help with your dialogue, desperately. Never use Cap locks except when you really want to yell. Take this passage from the Sorcerers Stone:
"ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT" Ron roared.

Not a direct quote, but you get the idea.

Also, speak normally. If a person asked for a question, would you give your name and the name of your girlfriend? I think not. This makes your dialogue unrealistic.

We arrived at Dragon Tooth Cave at 5.00pm


Who is "we"?

It was like a Dragon mouth it really was. But one thing struck Edward as odd why was there cinder marks on the cave. The Tour Guide came up with a lousy excuse why I ever believed him I will not know
'Scuse me why is there soot on the walls of the cave?
"Well you see this used to be a volcano,” said the tour guide quickly.
"But it looks new"
"So it does." shouted the Scots guy"

Scot's guy? Not only are you using stock characters, but you won't even give them names! If you don't give your characters some believablility, your story and you will be eaten alive.

Also, you seem to have switched perspectives: you keep going from "I" to "Edward". It is either first person or third person, but it can't be both.

Suddenly Edward saw a raggedy old man when Edward turned round. But can you believe it; it was like he was invisible because nobody had noticed him. Then he spoke words that sent a shiver down my spine
"YE SHOULD NOT ENTER THY CAVE OF DRAGONS!"
"Say that again." Edward asked shivering from head to toe
"YE HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED. LEAVE NOW OR PERISH!"
But before Edward could even utter another word he disappeared. It was now like he had imagined it all but he seemed so real so lifelike.

BY NOW Edward WAS SICK AND TIRED OF THIS argument SO HE SHOUTED "SHUT UP PLEASE IT IS
NOW 7.00PM SO CAN WE PACK IT IN PLEASE!"
"THE BOY IS RIGHT IT IS 7.00PM", NEGOTIATED THE SCOTSMAN."
"Okay." said the tour guide." you can go home now".
"But what about exploring the cave?" Said Professor Colin Dunn.


You know something? You are using characters and you haven't even properly introduced them. How do we know the name of Professor Dunn? We don't even know who Edward is, why he is on the tour, or anything of importance.

I'm going to cut it off here. This should be enough of an indicator of what is wrong with the story.
Moderator Emeritus (frozen in carbonite.)




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sorry sorry sorry it was only at the last minute i realized i had decided to kill Edward son it was in 1st then 3rd person and soz i am not allowed to edit it again and it Philosophers Stone
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We are the ink, we are the quill.
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*Shrugs*

I guess that was kind of good, very, very, VERY confusing. I basically didn't understand any of it. You need more punctuation. Punctuation is your friend. It IS your master. It IS your well-being. It IS...not what you are using here.

But it was a good real, the whole idea's kind of corny but its...fine.
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.



cron
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss