Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness

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Flames of Revenge and Waters of Forgiveness

A dark figure rushed through the night forest. Leaves crinkled beneath his horse’s feet as it's hooves pounded the ground.

Xaviar leapt off the horse when they reached their location - a small village. As he gathered twigs and logs together, he recalled what had happened only a couple of nights before-the screams of his now dead wife and daughter, the flames, the smoke, the panic - nothing could stop him from doing this. He would avenge his wife and daughter now.

As the small fire began to burn, Xaviar pulled out a piece of parchment. He had been overjoyed when he received it. Whenever he read it, he escaped all negative feelings. From the clang of swords to the many bugs, war had never been so bad. But this letter from his family made him forget all of it for a split second. The anger returned with the thoughts of his dead family, and he threw the parchment into the flames. The fire grew for a second, then settled down. The words illegible, he pulled out his torch, lit it from the fire, and made his way into the village.

All of the people were asleep within their straw houses. Xaviar didn’t know where the fiends who had burned his house lived, but the entire village would be destroyed if he lit one house on fire. The villains would be dead. He could flee and make a living in another place. He made his way to a house, glancing in the window. He stopped.

A man and woman slept peacefully, a baby across the room. The serenity of the scene calmed Xaviar. Something occurred to him.

If he lit the house on fire, these people would die. So would the rest of the village, save the few who escaped their houses. The ones who had lit his house on fire could escape, even, leaving only innocent people dead.

Xaviar pulled a small flask of water out of his leather sack, tossed the torch on the dirt road, and poured the water over the fire. Smoke filled the air as the flames disappeared. When the torch was cool, he began to make his way back to where his horse was. When he arrived, he couldn't help but notice something in the center of the charred circle - a small piece of parchment.

Xaviar picked up the parchment, reading the writing. His eyes widened when he realized that this was the letter they had sent him. Another parchment was nearby. He picked it up and read this one as well. His eyes watered with tears as he finished reading it and went home.

Xaviar,

I am writing this note to tell you that I couldn’t have chosen a better husband. Every time we fought, you always set aside your opinion, and we never slept on a problem. I was given the privilege of writing this and returning the letter you burned because of the circumstances. I would also like to tell you that one of the two men who burned the other house died in the fire. The second was hung for his crime. This news is going to be delivered to you tomorrow morning, most likely. Try to act surprised. I’m going to let Sarah write now. Thanks again.

Hi, daddy. Mommy and I are having lots of fun together. There are other kids here too, and it's great! I hope you can come here soon. I miss you.

Love,

Jill and Sarah
Last edited by thunder_dude7 on Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:02 am, edited 8 times in total.




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Yay, this is a nice break from heroes randomly killing lots of people for revenge. :)

What he saw changed his life.


Instead of saying this, which is slightly tell-y, I would say, "He stopped." That would give a cool double-meaning thing. One, he stopped physically, because he is literally stopped by the sight of this. Two, he stopped emotionally because he realizes that life is more than him, and that is awesome. ^_^

I would also describe what happen more to him before and explain who the letter at the end is for. That would make it more meaningful, I think!

Anyway, thank you thank you thank you for making it grammatically pretty, and I hope to see more stuff by you. :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Meep! I thought I made it obvous enough it was for the main character. I'll edit in his name throughout the story now. Thanks!

As for what had happened before this, I guess I should try and make it more clear earlier. I actually recieved an assignment for english where we had to write a short story where the initiating event happens before the story. It also is for a contest here. I'll change it to make what happened clear earlier. That is what you meant, right? 'Cause that sentence was kind of a jumble.

EDIT: I revised it, what do you think of it now?




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Hm... What time period is this supposed to be written in? It just seems that Jacki is a quite modern name and from the horses and torch and so on and so forth, I got a sort of medieval-ish feel from the story.

Big thing - parchment and paper are not the same thing. Paper is made of crushed wood fibers, while parchment is actually animal skin cut into very thin layers. You use both words to describe the material the notes are written on. I would pick one and stick with it.

But in any case, I liked the story. I agree with Snoink that I would love to see what happens to him after he gets the note.

Very nice stuff! *thumbs up*

~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.




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Name: I'm really bad with picking "normal" names. I have all the people who've read "The Elements" to back me up on this. Do you think Jill or perhaps Elizabeth would work?

Paper/parchment: Hmm...I didn't know that. I'll stick with parchment, iot seems somewhat more fitting to the time frame.

Thanks for the critique. This is going to be great by the time I've entered it in the "On Fire" contest.



In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's literary and philosophical principles.
— Lemony Snicket