Chapter 3 of Pepita Borrico

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[pre]Hello. Please remember that this girl lives in a Spanish community, and that is why she knows so much Spanish.
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Dear Diary,
¡Es me! In English, "It's me!" I have had so much fun with Rita. We started 5th grade two weeks ago, and I am learning so fast. I now know how to sew! Mamà Marìa taught me. She and Rita have also taught me more Spanish. (Hence the Spanish in the beginning.)
My teacher recommended to me that I skip 5th grade and move straight to 6th grade, or higher! But, I talked it over with Mamà and she agreed with me. My idea was to stay in 5th grade so I could keep my friends close, but practice higher level subjects. I thought that I should try advanced classes in Math and English. We talked to my teacher, Miss Loventy, and she told us that she could work something out.
So, starting next week I will be doing 7th grade activities! (I did 6th grade activities last week, and excelled.) In the activities, I will go over my cursive, and some more complicated math! I can't wait! My teacher says I will probably end up stopping at 8th grade.
Miss Loventy said, "You're a smart girl Pepita, but without going to the actual grade, I think you will end up stopping on 8th grade."
I actually was really happy that I was stopping, because I was getting behind in my other subjects that I am not good at, like science. I also really am bad at reading, well at least reading novels.
Let's change gears. We got a message today, that I don't know is exactly what I wanted to hear. The message was written as follows:

Dear Miss Borrico,
As you might be aware, Mr. Jesùs Caveno was put into jail for your rape. He was given a nine year sentence, and that time is almost up. Mr. Caveno will be let out on October 24 of this year.
We are contacting you to see if you would like to put a restraining order against Mr. Caveno. Please let us know immediately so we can put into effect as soon as he gets out. We will be sending you a monthly update about Mr. Caveno's where abouts. If he offends you or starts to stalk you, we will immediately put the order in at once. Thank you for your cooperation.
Jenna Dothingham
Assistant Attorney

I was shocked, but for two reasons. I was first shocked that they did not know my mother was dead,(or at least I assumed they were talking about my mother, seeing that I was not raped nine years ago, mainly because I am only eight.) But the other reason was because, that man, Mr. Caveno, is my father. It does not even seem that they know I am alive. How could that be?!
I don't even know if my father knows that I am alive! But my greatest fear, is that he does know. I do not want what happened to my mom to happen to me. My father scares me, and I do not even know him. I don't want to meet him, yet part of me does. I want to ask him a question. And that is, "Why...why did you do it, I just want to know why?"
Pepita Borrico

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The last thing I wanted to note was that the name Jesùs is also Spanish! It is pronounced as Hay-suess.(Like Dr. Suess.-Firearris's analogy.)[/pre]
Last edited by Jeni on Sat May 24, 2008 11:47 pm, edited 7 times in total.




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[quote:]iEs me! In English, "It's me!"[/quote]

The i as an upside-down ! only works with different fonts. it doesn't work with this font. I suggest you either change the story font or just change the font of the i.

As you might be aware, Mr. Jesus Caveno was put into jail for your rape.


Whoa, wait, you named your character Jesus? O.o Caveno is obviously Spanish, but I think Jesus is a Hebrew name. I may be wrong, Jesus may be a Spanish name also, but it doesn't matter what it is. What matters is what the reader thinks. If you use the name for your character, your readers are either going to laugh themselves to tears and not take you seriously, or huff and drop the book, calling you a sacreligous jerkwad. lol. I suggest you change the name.
Where are we going?




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Okay, one thing, Volant. Jesus is also a Spanish name, pronounced Hay-Suess (Suess, like Dr.suess) I have to go, so I will edit this when I get back and have the whole crit in it!
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard appears "We have weasels now!"
[Firearris] 10:45 pm: askes the guard for the weasel!
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard gives Firearris the Weasel.
[Firearris] 10:46 pm: aquires the weasel and renames it "Cat"

Take that, Lumi.




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Those letters were not something a child around this age-range would see, or even understand. You're writing this diary with someone much older in mind, I think.

This addition was fine. As I said before, not particularly great or an asset to the story, but it seems relevant.



Oh, Brightlord Tumul! How unexpected it is to see you standing there! I didn't mean to insult your stupidity. Really, it's quite spectacular and worthy of much praise.
— Wit (The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson)