Chapter 2 of Pepita Borrico

[pre]
Dear Diary,
Hey, and of course it's me! I will be starting 5th grade soon! I am more excited then I think I ever have been! Mamà Marìa said I was so smart, that even though I am only eight and three-fourths, that I am ready to start, and I believe her. I had to take a test last week to see if the school though I was ready.
So, on we went last week to the testing place. There was only one other girl there. I got bored easily, so I soon found out her name, (when we were allowed to talk). Her English was not very good, but from what I understood, her name was Rita. Rita was also eight, (which I already figured because this test was for kids under the age of nine), and all she had was a father.
Rita said, "My mother never wanted me, but my father gives me so much love that I don't realize it."
That was the one thing I did not understand. I would of understood it if it was the other way around, but it's not with Rita. My father I don't think even knows I exist, so I don't care for him, but it was her mother. The very person who carried the burden of motherhood, did not want her daughter, and she knew her daughter, Rita, existed. I just could not grasp the thought, but that was Rita's life story, so she could.
We went on to take the test. I already knew everything on the test. Unlike Rita, I can write, or at least I can write in English. She had to have someone translate her Spanish into English, and write her answers down. I could do all that by myself, so my test was graded before Rita even finished her's.
I waited for Rita's to be graded, and the grader told us that we both would be starting 5th grade in two weeks. I was filled with joy! Not only would I be starting, but my new friend Rita would be, too! Mamà talked to her Papa, and she found out that Rita moved into the old Donoso house just three houses away! Now we could even play together.
We went out to lunch to celebrate with Rita and her Papa, Mr. Volsear. I told her that I could help her pronounce her English better, and in return, she would teach me more Spanish. This was going to be great, and because Mamà already taught me some Spanish, I could understand English and Rita easier.
Because I am going to be starting school soon, and I have a brand new friend, I will write in here every month. At least, I will try to. When I write in here again, I will officially be a kindergarten student. I cannot wait! Adiòs, over and out.
Pepita Borrico

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Please remember that this girl lives in a Spanish community, and that is why she knows so much Spanish.[/pre]

Dear Diary,
Hey, and of course it's me! I will be starting kindergarten soon!

O.0 PLOT HOLE! Kids are still starting to learn how to write in kinder garden! And a kid that age wouldn't write such big entries. I was thinking at least 2nd grade.

Rita said, "My mother never wanted me, but my father gives me so much love that I don't realize it."

Put what she says a line down.

Adios, over and out.

I thought that was kinda funny. Just because I can't imagine a kid that age saying that xD

Thats all I found there.

Jeni wrote:[pre]Dear Diary,
Hey, and of course it's me! I will be starting kindergarten soon! I am more excited then I think I ever have been! Mama Maria said I was so smart, that even though I am only four and three-fourths, that I am ready to start, and I believe her. I had to take a test last week to see if the school though I was ready.


So, on we went last week to the testing place. There was only one other girl there. I got bored easily, so I soon found out her name, (when we were allowed to talk). Her English was not very good, but from what I understood, her name was Rita. Rita was also four, (which I already figured because this test was for kids under the age of five), and all she had was a father. Rita said,

"My mother never wanted me, but my father gives me so much love that I don't realize it."

That was the one thing I did not understand. I would of understood it if it was the other way around, but it's not with Rita. My father I don't think even knows I exist, so I don't care for him, but it was her mother. The very person who carried the burden of motherhood, did not want her daughter, and she knew her daughter, Rita, existed. I just could not grasp the thought, but that was Rita's life story, so she could.

We went on to take the test. I already knew everything on the test. Unlike Rita, I can write, or at least I can write in English. She had to have someone translate her Spanish into English, and write her answers down. I could do all that by myself, so my test was graded before Rita even finished her's.
I waited for Rita's to be graded, and the grader told us that we both would be starting kindergarten in two weeks. I was overfilled with joy! Not only would I be starting, but my new friend Rita would be, too! Mama talked to her Papa, and she found out that Rita moved into the old Donoso house just three houses away! Now we could even play together.

We went out to lunch to celebrate with Rita and her Papa, Mr. Volsear. I told her that I could help her pronounce her English better, and in return, she would teach me more Spanish. This was going to be great, and because Mama already taught me some Spanish, I could understand English and Rita easier.

Because I am going to be starting school soon, and I have a brand new friend, I will write in here every month. At least, I will try to. When I write in here again, I will officially be a kindergarten student. I cannot wait! Adios, over and out.

Pepita Borrico[/pre]

That looks much better spaced out. But still, A KINDER GARDENER?! That makes no sense, "Over and out." Geez. I'm sorry, but this isn't anything like a Kinder Gardener. They can barley write anything too.

Those are the only mistakes I could find. Good luck with this and let me know if anything doesn't make sense. *Goes to next chapter*


~Fire

Really cool! Now she has a friend, Yay!! *claps*

One thing, though:

I was overfilled with joy!

ahaha, I don't think overfilled is the right word. You can use "overwhelmed" or "filled," but overfilled doesn't work.

Hey. Now, I liked this addition. But - and this may be just me - I felt it was too mature of writing for a kindergarten-level kid. Other than that, it was interesting. It's not exciting, or especially attention-grabbing, but it does seem to be an essential addition to your story, so you can get by with it.

I'll go to read more, as I promised .