Mutts - Touch

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GryphonFledgling
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Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:56 pm
GryphonFledgling says... · Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:56 pm
1/1/08

038 – Touch

Warm. Mother is warm. Her hands are warm as they hold me.

Hard. Mother is hard. Her arms are hard as they hug me tight.

Soft. Mother is soft. Her breast is soft as she feeds me.

Rough. Mother is rough. Her fingertips are rough as they touch my face.

Moist. Mother is moist. Her lips are moist as they kiss me.

Smooth. Mother is smooth. Her hair is smooth as I catch it in my hand.

Dark. The world is dark. It is dark because my eyes are not open. But Mother is here. I am safe.
Last edited by GryphonFledgling on Wed May 28, 2008 11:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I am reminded of the babe by you.
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Kepe
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Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:26 am
Kepe says... · Sat Mar 08, 2008 12:26 am
It was just all a bit boring really. I do believe infants think in simple thoughts, however you could make the first insights into the world a bit more interesting. This felt like a list, that led to nothing. I would have liked some motion from the baby- some response maybe.
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mikedb1492
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Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:02 pm
mikedb1492 says... · Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:02 pm
It was a little boring, but I didn't mind it. It was pretty good. I think I like the other Mutts better, though.
Trying to get to heaven without Jesus is like climbing to the summit of Mount Everest naked. You die before it happens.
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Firestar
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Tue Mar 18, 2008 3:47 pm
Firestar says... · Tue Mar 18, 2008 3:47 pm
This piece just has no real flavor. It's like chewing through a pineapple, you know your going to get to the good stuff sooner or later, but for now your just chewing on the thick outer shell.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Confidence: the feeling a person has before he fully understands the situation.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
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deleted2
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Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:30 pm
deleted2 says... · Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:30 pm
Something about the short words and sentences appeals to me. I like it, though I can't fully explain what it is that draws me in. I think the simplicity makes it an interesting read.

Anyway, I like it.

XxxDo
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xxfourthelement
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Mon Jun 23, 2008 3:23 pm
xxfourthelement says... · Mon Jun 23, 2008 3:23 pm
Nice. A little overcomplicated - I'm assuming that this is a baby speaking, and I doubt a baby would use the word "Mother" - but comforting, because of the repetition.

Actually, come to think of it, the baby is using a lot of relatively complicated wording...

The rhythm is very... soothing. Give the character more of a voice, though. It's not too distinct.
"...I laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Sometimes I can stop laughing before people start edging away and talking about soothing drinks." - Lord Raould of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak

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Aneke
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Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:13 pm
Aneke says... · Mon Jun 23, 2008 5:13 pm
I like this a lot. I realize it's supposed to be literal - POV of a baby - but I think it works really well metaphorically in relation to the other Mutts. Family does feel like all of those things - warm, hard, smooth, rough. Providing a sense of safety. And 'mother' can be many things - any protective force.

Sorry if that's too analytical. :) I think this is a nice piece.
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I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
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