No Escape!

No Escape!!


Theres no escaping this dream,
This life and death theme,
A quick reality check on things that arent what they seem,
Well you know what i mean,
An illuison,
Which is all rapped up in confusion,
Of not winning but losing,
Because in this dream you cant win,
You just dream..dream...dream.. again and again,
Then soon you realize that its all useless,
Reality check on life,
Dont be mad of my trueness,
You are to be for ever dreaming,
Never to be awake,
So just except your fate,
And realize that in this life there is,
NO ESCAPE!

Bria
Copyright ©2007 Bria

A couple things, having nothing to do with the poem:

1. If you are going to post a picture like that, then this work must be rated R. Since it's incredibly disturbing, you should also say something in the title. Failure to do this in the future will result in a ban.

2. What are you hoping to achieve with the picture? If it's shock, then you have to ask what is the artistic purpose of that.

3. That picture is not yours, and you are posting it as if it were. That is plagiarism, although quite inadvertent on your part. I have labeled it as from Resident Evil for you.

4. Trust me when I say that if you continue doing stuff like this here, you aren't going to like it here.

Sorry to fill you down with not-critiques. I removed your full name from the post as well. Remember, people can find you if you put your whole name online! Be safe, keep safe, do not post your whole/real name.

Aw, lots of not-critiques (useful as they are), how sad! Let's fix that.

You're new here, so I'll keep it fairly short and just try to give you some broad pointers. First and foremost: spelling and grammar. If you're a writer, the language you're writing in is your primary tool for selling your message. As such, if you're not using it properly, chances are you're not getting your message across properly either. Spelling words right and using grammar correctly are just the most basic side of achieving this, but you've absolutely got to get it right if you expect a positive response. Here's a selection of corrections to make.
"Theres" needs an apostrophe, as do "arent", "cant", "dont" and "its"; "i" should be capitalised; "rapped" should be spelled wrapped; "dream..dream...dream.." isn't an appropriate use of the ellipsis ("..."), which is constantly abused by new writers and should barely ever be seen in a piece of writing, and definitely not to indicate a pause; "for ever" is all one word; "except" should be accept.
As you can see, you've got quite a few there. While it might seem trivial, it's at the very least courtesy to your readers and critiquers to get your English right - you'll struggle to get anywhere writing poetry without these basic building blocks.

Now, your theme. Here's the biggest problem: as your subtitle you've posted the word "UNIQUE" which sums up pretty accurately everything this poem is not. I don't know how long you've been around internet writing sites, but let me tell you frankly: I've been around a long time now, and I have seen poems almost exactly like this numbering someone around the thousand mark. The reason? Everybody likes to write about their problems and experience, and unfortunately there are a heck of a lot of people out there with similar strains of both. Writing about the "illusion" of life and the "fate" of those "dreaming" is stock stuff we've seen again and again and again. If you honestly want to write poetry other people will care about reading, you have to write about something new, in a new way.

So, there's your 101 Guide to YWS - sort out your basics, and start searching out some new ideas for writing poetry. There are a million things closer than you think - rather than writing about the ones that are constantly preying on your mind, try focusing your mind on the things that lurk at the edges, the images that you see and dismiss from the corners of your eyes every day. The whole world is full of things that no-one ever notices, and it's up to you to be the first to tell us about them!

Good luck, I hope to see more of your writing.

Well actually my friend post this up. Didn't even know about this site until a day ago. Its my poem but i never signed up for this site so WHO CARES...
I know I'm a good writer. I can take good Criticism but wow kind of mean.

Oh yeah and for whom ever who said the pic has nothing to do with the poem. If you understand what i am trying to say you would get it. It means there's no escape not even suicide. SO YEAH. THANKS ANYWAY.

And That's Not my real name. What ever it was.SORRY.

AND I WRITE ABOUT MY LIFE. REAL LIFE. I DONT WRITE ANYTHING FAKE. SO IF I'M GOING THROUGH IT OR SOMEONE I KNOW IS GOING THROUGH IT I WRITE IT DOWN. I DONT NEED TO LOOK IT UP. ITS IN MY HEAD. MY THOUGHTS AND Opinion ARE THE ONLY THING THAT COUNTS TO ME. I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOUR SAYING BUT ITS MY FREE WRITE.
ITS ART AND WITH ART YOU DONT NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT. YOU JUST DO IT. NO DISRESPECT OR ANYTHING. JUST ME.

EmoGurl,


First, the poem--if you truly thought art was all about you with no consideration for your audience, why on earth did you feel the need to share this? Art is not just something which flows forth from your mouth (that's bile); art requires work, discipline and structure. Three properties which are curiously non-evident in this attempt.

The picture, near as I can tell, has absolutely nothing to do with the poem itself. You claim that even suicide ins't an escape, blah blah, but really, EmoGurl, since you certainly didn't create the picture, what on earth is it doing in a post of YOUR work? Shouldn't your poem be able to stand on its own, without the support of another artist's entire work?

[As a final note, I think it's worth mentioning that if you think that picture has got anything to do with 'no escape,' you need to reevaluate how you approach art altogether. That picture simply depicts someone who is clearly in a lot of pain about to end their life--how exactly does it show us that even ending her life won't end her pain? The answer: it doesn't.]

As for your response, you should simply be appreciative that someone who has no obligation to you whatsoever decided not only to read this but also to formulate a response and post it for your consideration. If you don't appreciate such responses, this is not the website for you--get a Xanga, or a LiveJournal.

Lastly, your response containing all CAPS is unacceptable here. Refrain from doing so again--it doesn't make your voice any louder when we read it, it simply strains our eyes and annoys us.


Cheers,
Brad

Again i didnt sign up here my friend did i didnt know anything about this site. And you really dont know art because when you start to think to much you lose the feeling. thats why i dont like poets now days that think there so experience they forget the meaning of poetry. And i said i appreciated it i said that many times and i just cane to this site because my friend told me she put it up on here. This site is corny. IM EMO. I dont even like sites like this i already have one im signed on so just to let you know.
Thats all i have to say.BYE!

If you didn't sign up, please go away and spare us your childish antics. Oh, and tell your friend not to inflict your poetry on us again. Thank you.

It was a very good poem, but I can tell you life isnt just a dream it IS reality, there are good things in life it just may take awhile to notice them. I know life is rough but hang in there I was once the same way you were

Ahh, I do enjoy when people don't just defend their work, but tell all of us that we don't know what we are talking about. It's so funny to watch them get all worked up.

Basically they were all right, and in fact were trying to help you improve your work. I know how hard it is to get your poetry slammed, it's hard and it's hurtful. However if you don't ever intend to get better then go about pluging your ears and pretending other peoples opinions don't matter.

Here's the thing about poetry, everyone likes different types, and everyone sees it different. I do have to say I have yet to find anyone that actually likes "emo poetry" and I will tell you why.

Reason 1: It almost always lacks imagination. And yes, your poem does lack imagination. It's not unique, but keep telling yourself it is if you like.

Reason 2: No one, and I mean no one, wants to read your ramblings about how life sucks and there is no way out. It's boring, over done, and I am sorry to tell you, not poetry.

Reason 3: A poem like this should be kept private. Even without all of the gramatical mistakes, it is still not good. It's you complaining about life. And I really hate to be the one to tell you this, no one cares about your problems.

Though watching you dismiss everyones critiques was quite entertaining for me, you should really listen to what they have said. They all have good advice and have helped me get out of the whole "emo poetry" thing as well. I thought people wanted to read about poor little me too, until I came on here and realized I was a terrible writer. It's something you are going to have to come to terms with yourself.

Sorry to be so harsh, but someone had to be this harsh on me before I realized I wasn't any good. Since being on here my poetry has grown at an amazing rate. I hope you open your eyes and the same thing happens for you.

Best Wishes,

OverEasy

Um, I think she's gone, therefore we can close this thread maybe?

*LOCKED*