Emergency

Verse 1:
In the shadows beneath time fading.
I think we have an Emergency tonight.
Alarm clocks, bells, and children screaming.
Nobody is watching me tonight.

Verse 2:
Monsters whisper through the door.
Calling my name, touching my skin.
In the shadows beneath the moonlight.
I think we have an Emergency tonight.

Chorus:
Sleep...Maybe an insomniac can rest
Broken hearts can mend during sleep
Emergency, everything is fading fast
My thoughts, my pain, run too deep

Verse 3:
In the shadows beneath the wound
I think we have an Emergency tonight
Nothing burning, nothing flooding
Nobody is watching me tonight

Verse 4:
Monsters whisper into my mind
Repeating things that I have left behind
Scratching skin and tearing the hair
I think we have an Emergency tonight

Chorus:
Sleep...Maybe an insomniac can rest
Broken hearts can mend during sleep
Emergency, everything is fading fast
My thoughts, my pain, run too deep

Verse 5
I think we have an Emergency tonight
My heat breaking beneath the moonlight
Turn out the nightmare, turn out the pain
Tune out the sadness against the rain

Tune out the sadness against the rain

Chorus
Sleep...Maybe an insomniac can rest
Broken hearts can mend during sleep
Emergency, everything is fading fast
My thoughts, my pain, run too deep

Fading Out:
And yet I know you're watching me

***Moved to Lyrics***

I really don't know what to do here... I like it but i don't like it. It gives mixed signals to me really. But I am not really feeling this song. No offense you are probably a good writer and all biut not one of your greatest works dude. I am sorry i say dude a lot. Its a bad habit.
Well Happy writing!!!

SimonCowellLuver

Hey, I also had mixed feelings on this. This was not my favourite song to read, but I think it could turn into something really cool.

I like the path you are taking with this certian song, and I do like the concept of it.

Keep up the good work!!!

Kelsi =)

really good poetry requires a really good understanding of language. You need to find ways to make words work for you. What words paint an image in your mind? What words slap you across the face? What words are silly, boring, inviting, expressive, etc? You just need to experiment a little and observe how words are used. It will help you to do some reading, and by reading I mean from all kinds of authors.

Read some Shakespeare, then something more modern. Just read, read, read. Then when you feel like you know how you can adequately get your message across with language, have another go. Right now with what you've given me I feel no sort of emotion, and this has no lasting impact on me at all. I'm sure with an idea of this magnitude that's what you want to go for. Don't give up, but just think about it next time before you try again. Good luck!

Very good though!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep on trying.....................................................................