Anyone got a good joke.

lol

A man walked into a bar ... ouch.

Before I post the rest I would like to state that I am Australian, and therefore no one else can be offended by them, and probably won't be because they only hack out Australians anyway.

1:
An American, an English man and an Australian were going to be killed by a firing squad. When the American went out, he suddenly yelled "Avalanche!" and in the panic, he escaped. Then the English man went out, and yelled "Tornado!" and in the panic, he escaped. Lastly the Australian went out, yelled "Fire!" and was shot.

-------
2:
Ahem, this joke is made even funnier by the fact that someone in my class told it, and this is what happened:

"This American said (a little while ago I'll admitt ...) 'We're going to land a man on the moon' then this Australian said 'Well, we're going to land a man on th sun' the American goes 'But you can't land on the sun, you'll burn up.' so the Australian says, 'We're not stupid, we'll go at night time.'"

Then everyone laughs, except for this one girl who goes "But, the sun's not out at night time, it's just on the other side of the world!"

Everyone then laughs harder.

Psst: El, someone already posted a similar joke to your first one, except it was the American who said "Fire!"

I can't remember if I said this one or not but:

Boy: Dad, is God black or white?
Father: He's both.
Boy: Dad, is God a guy or a girl?
Father: He's both.
Boy: Dad, is God Michael Jackson?
Father:

heh, s'funny.

Hey, Rach. I got that joke from our friend Al, lol.

Some blonde jokes coming up (no offense but i love blonde jokes)

There's a blonde driving in her car along the motorway, and she's got a lion in the back. This police man sees her and pulls her over and says
"Where are you taking that lion?"
Blonde says "We're going to the beach"
Police Man "You should take him to the Zoo"
Blonde "Thats a good idea, thanks" and drives off

The next day the same police man sees the same blonde in the same car with the same lion in the back, he pulls her over again and says
"I thought i told you to take that lion to the Zoo?"
Blonde "I did, he loved it"

Next one

Theres a blonde, a redhead and a brunette in a bar. Now, in this bar is a magic mirror, and if you tell it the truth, it will give you anything you want, but if you lie, you vanish. The brunette steps up to the mirror and says
"I think im the smartest one here and i deserve £1 million pounds." *POOF* She gets a million pounds, walks away, wins the nobel prize. The redhead steps up to the mirror and says
"I think im the prettiest here, and i deserve a husband" *POOF* gets a husband, goes away, lives a happy life. The blonde steps up to the mirror and says
"I think..." *POOF* she vanishes.

Son: Dad, are you sleeping?
Dad: No, what is it?
Son: Can I have some money? I'm going out.
Dad: Z z z z z z z z...

StormLord: I wasn't supposed to laugh...or was I?

ooh I love this blonde joke:

Two Blondes were on their way to Disney World and they came to a sign that said "Disney World, Left" So they went home.

4 blondes standing shoulder to shoulder:
a wind tunnel.

20 blonds standing shoulder to shoulder:
a subway tunnel

50 blonds standing shoulder to shoulder:
a nightmare.


A business man is having a conference when Gabriel appears and says "for being a good man, in a world filled with evil men, you can have infinate power, infinate wisdom or infinate money, which would you like?" and the man thinks about it, and says "ill take wisdom." gabriel nods, and leaves with a poof *POOF*
The men at the conference table ask him "well, whats it like?"
and the man replies "I should've taken the money."

Two muffins are baking in an oven. (its a small oven) one says to the other "hot in here, aint it?" and the other says
"AHHHHH, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

I've heard the third one before. I like it though. If anybody has any bad/gruesome/etc jokes PM them to me. I LOVE THEM.


Heres one:

The President, the Pope, Bill Gates and some random school kid are on an airplane, and its going down (to crash).
The President goes to the stewardess, and says "I'm the President. I deserve to live" and he takes a parachute and jumps and lives. Then Bill Gates goes and says "I'm Bill Gates, I deserve to live." He grabs one and jumps. Then the Pope turns to the kid and says "My Child, I have lived a long and full life. I want you to take my parachute and live a long and full life in my stead" But the kid replies "Um, Pope, Bill Gates took my book bag. We still have two parachutes left" and they both jumped to safety.

good jokes...hmmm.

did you hear the one about women's rights? *BOOM BOOM*

alright, sorry.

how many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, what the hell are they doing out of the kitchen!!?

okay, I'm done being sexist.

Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and shows him some places where he can spend eternity. In the first one, thousands of souls are beaten and tortured in enslavement. In the second one, people burn in a lake of fire. The third one is a little room with a woman, a bottle of beer, and a PC. Naturally, he takes the third one.

Lucifer goes up to Satan and asks "Why did you just give Bill Gates the best place?"
Satan replies "That's what everyone thinks. The beer has a hole in it, the woman has not..."
"And the PC?"
"It's a Windows ME, and it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt, and Delete."

did you hear the one about women's rights? *BOOM BOOM*

how many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

none, what the hell are they doing out of the kitchen!!?

AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA.

One day in the pearly gates stood a couple. They were madly in love but sadly had died before they could get married. They really wanted to get married and asked St. Peter if they could.
"If you two are still in love in 10 years then you shall be wed."
so 20 years later he walks up to the couple, hwo is still madly in love, and announces he has found a preist to marry them.
After about 3 months of being married, the couple grew sick of each another and demanded a divorce.
St. Peter looked at them and shouted, " IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS TO FIND A PRIEST HOW MANY YEARS DO YOU THINK IT'LL TAKE TO FIND A LAWYER IN HERE???"

lmao...