Kidnapped

A sweet little girl,
Just riding her bike
Down an old sidewalk
With no one in sight.
Then out of darkness
A stranger appears,
And snatches her away
In spite of her tears.
Though she kicks and she screams
With all of her might.
Not a soul can hear her,
What a sad little sight.
Losing a child,
Is a mothers worst fear
Living without them
Year after year.
But where is she now?
We really can’t say.
Though children should be careful
When they go out to play

I like it. It sends a powerful message to parents to watch their young ones.
Keep writing!

this is great. sad but great.
i feel sorry for the mum which is good because it means you sent across the right message.
puncuation and grammer fine.
put a full stop on the last line
good work

Fairy

I just read it and quoted it and got ready to edit, but as I went through I realized... I don't have anything to edit! This was a really good poem, and your other poems I had said didn't have much rhythm...this does. There were no forced rhymes (that I noticed), no lines that were too long or too short, or anything.

Your wording was great, and the message of the poem was great. It was sad, though. This was a very good poem, and it seems as though you've worked hard on it. I would definitely read more such as this.

Keep writing!!!!!

Teh Wozzinator

OOH...... This is going to stick with me for a while. Like had already been said, I didn't find much wrong with this, but I'm not much of a hand and poetry critiquing.

The one thing I do suggest you change is the title. Its way to generic and, well, boring. I'm not sure what you'd want to change it to, but I think it needs a change.

Thats all I had to say!!! Nice job on this.

See ya around!

~lupis

thanx.....guess whta my favorite animal is.......WOLVES i love em'.....just sayin....

wow. and since this is so great... I'm going to say it again. Wow.
You got the message acrossed, i now feel sad, but that's good. Its a really good message also.

Keep writing, you've got a nack for poetry.
mv.

The poem doesn't say much to be. Not...anything, really. Know why? It's a cliche. It's "that same old story" told in "those same old words." It reads like a chain email, and if that's what you're going for, then super! But if you were going for serious, sophisticated poetry, you'd be better off ditching this.

It's a great idea to write a poem about a little girl being abducted. But you must stay away from cliches like you stay away from sexual predators! This follows the basic format; adorable child taken by adorable stranger the moral of the story IS...No one wants to read that because we all know it. Show us something we don't expect, something that surprises us or intrigues us or even unnerves us.

-Colleen

I agree with Cade in a lot of ways. I didn't come away from this poem with anything that I didn't already know from what I've been hearing from adults since kindergarten. If you're going to write a poem about a girl being abducted, you need to go WAY deeper than you did here. I feel like you're barely touching the surface and only telling everyone what is safe and friendly and easy to write. You can make this powerful and non-cliche if you really want to, but for now thats all it is: weak and cliche.

Also, the language in this is oversimplistic. Sometimes simple language works, and can even be really powerful and affective. Not the case here at all. Here it just looks like you don't know how to use language to your advantage. You use phrases like "sweet little girl" and "what a sad little sight". I shouldn't have to tell you that there are much better words and phrases out there that would work so much better. Not only that, but the rhyme scheme just doesn't work. It seems forced, and when rhyme scheme is forced, you don't always get to say everything that you want to say in a poem. Until you are really comfortable with poetry and have a good idea of how to make it work for you, just steer clear of it. A well written, non-rhyming poem is a thousand times better than a badly written rhyming one.

Good try, but it just didn't work for me. Good luck!

I really like this poem, you started with a message and portrayed an image to the readers!!

Well done.

Dofs....

I loved the ending, it sends a very powerful message, keep writing i love your work
Keep it up:D:D

Is this poem suppose to tell me not to ride my bike. And most kids play in neighborhoods, where people can hear them.



This poem confuses me. =(

This is a great poem. You managed to find a decent rhyme scheme, which always livens up my day.

Punctuation was inconsistent in places, but this is a small aside that can be worked on.

Great start. 8/10

Short and sweet but it really brings home the reality of how easy it is for a child to go missing. I liked it, but I would change the word a mother's worst fear to parent's because the feeling is mutual between a mother and father.

I don't think its cliche!! What may make people think that is because its a little sing songy- but I think thats what make it great! I love you message and your imagery~ Great Job!