A sweet little girl,
Just riding her bike
Down an old sidewalk
With no one in sight.
Then out of darkness
A stranger appears,
And snatches her away
In spite of her tears. - MEAN.
Though she kicks and she screams
With all of her might.
Not a soul can hear her,
What a sad little sight.
Losing a child,
Is a mothers worst fear
Living without them
Year after year.
But where is she now?
We really can’t say.
Though children should be careful
When they go out to play
Wow. This sends a really powerful message. And by the way, the rhyming was fabulous. Perfectly perfect, really. I think I've read this before... I'm surprised I haven't reviewed yet. Anyway, such a great poem. You should publish this if you haven't already. All other pieces are crap compared to this.
If your purpose was to create a nice rhyming poem, perhaps one you could put on a public service announcement about child abduction, then fabulous, you did it. If, however, you were attempting to create something deeper, then you missed the mark. If you want to take this a step further, scrap the rhyme and go for imagery. What does the girl look like? What does the kidnapper look like? Why is he taking her? What time of day is it? What's the weather like? What is the girl thinking? What does the mother do when she finds out her child is gone? You don't have to address all of these (in fact, you shouldn't, because then it will jump around too much and be too long), but try thinking about some of these and decide what picture you want to paint.
Keep writing!
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci
Wow, all I can say is just.... wow. This is a powerful poem. It is so true and it happens everday, parents need to realize that a child can be taken away from them in an instant. It's so sad the way it happens. The kidnapper is a sick messed up person who needs desperate help. Our world is slowly going off the deep end. Please try to keep it up and speak to the world through your poetry. Keep writing!
Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole. -Dean, Supernatural
