The Sleeper Chapter 1 Page 1

The sound continued endlessly; a sound that could drive a person insane…

Nova reached up and slammed the snooze button with unnecessary force. She pulled the blankets up around her face and lay there, bordering consciousness for many minutes, barely recalling the dream.

She sat up, vaguely aware that her alarm had been unnecessary. It was Saturday and Nova had no particular schedule. Typical.

The cold, November air hit her skin as she forced her feet out from under the blankets. She stood up, slouching over as she stumbled towards the door, still dizzy with sleep. Nova trudged down the stairs, becoming more awake and aware with every thud of her feet on the hard, polished wood floor. She moodily hit the bottom step, tripped, and caught herself on the handrail. Nova was perfectly awake now.

A burning scent wafted through the air and into Nova’s nostrils. Charred toast was quickly extracted from the toaster and flung to the sink, where it was then chopped and grinded by the garbage disposal and washed away. Nova’s defeated sigh announced the passing of the ordeal and her resolution to skip breakfast.

Her shoulders sagged and the old flimsy couch groaned as Nova –despite her average weight- relaxed on the couch. She was going to need something to do to pass the time. She mashed the power button on the remote and the television flickered to life. Ten minutes of worthless channel scanning and the TV was back in its dormant state.

The loud dial tone of the telephone vibrated through Nova’s hand as she picked up the telephone. She immediately put it down, reminded that Rachel was on vacation at her aunt’s. Calling much anyone else was out of the question, too, because of the class trip to Washington D.C., which she had opted out of. Her mother hadn’t been able to afford much lately and Nova didn’t mention the trip to her, just to make it easier.

Passing the time would be difficult; everyday was just as difficult. The absurd loneliness surrounded Nova everywhere. As she let the hot water run before taking her morning shower, Nova reflected on this and wished-even if it was only a wish- that the loneliness could end.

Nova brushed her auburn hair for all too long after her shower, just thinking about whatever could keep her mind busy. She did her weekend homework and was finished too soon for her liking. Still tired from her broken sleep cycle, Nova crawled back into bed, planning on a short nap.

The dream came back, full force, only now she was flying through the air, over the town. She gazed in awe as her house, school, and Rachel’s house all flew under her with extraordinary speed. The flight pause midair and then Nova began plummeting towards the earth. Inches from the ground, her body froze. She was now in the dark room of night. The crowd surrounded her, all expecting, all waiting for something; her answer. There he was, the boy, was analyzing her, only this time he seemed more wary.

She stood up, slouching over as she stumbled towards the door, still dizzy with sleep, Nova trudged down the stairs, becoming more awake and aware with every thud of her feet on the hard, polished wood floor.

This seems a bit too extended, think of shortening it up.

Charred toast was quickly extracted from the toaster and flung to the sink, where it was then chopped and grinded by the garbage disposal and washed away.

Normally you wouldn't throw a peice of toast in a garbage disposal. Make it more believable like a rubish heap or trash can.

Otherwise it was an intresting story. It so far doesn't sound like it belongs on the Fantasy Forum, but unless you have more plans for it than feel free to continue postin' it on here. Another thing is we don't normally post by page, we sometimes post by parts. If you have more questions feel free to PM me.

Overall, this is really good. It kept me interested. You might want to watch for repeating yourself. Try to use different words or change the sentencew a bit. I didn't see much of that, though. I through my burnt toast in the disposer...I don't want it to skink up my trashcan! It seemed very realistic and then going into the dream was very well described. Can't wait to read more!

I'd have to agree with the repeated words. When writing in third person, you have to get creative with the way you word things so you don't use the same words continuesly.

I can't say much about liking or disliking, there really isn't much here to go by. I think you should write a bit more before you post, unless if it's a prologue (if it is, then just ignore me). By writing more, you give us a better chance in helping you improve on your story. With how much you have written, about all I can say is that I do like your writing style. Right now the story is mellow and normal. Because it's so short, it does get us curious, but you really should write more before posting. You can get more help that way.

--meow