Alexandrite prologue

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[pre]Prologue



That was around the time I had started to wish for a change. Anything that would have taken me out of my schedule would have done, just something. My normal daily routine of going to school and coming home to do homework was not a thrilling thing to do for an adventurous girl like I was.

It was on that day in which my wish started to come true. I walked out of my house, turning around to lock the door behind me, and went to my car, which was then an old copper Vibe. I brushed a stubborn piece of my dark brown hair behind my ear as I pulled out my cars key in exchange for my house key from my pocket. I yawned as I started unlocking the driver’s side door when I heard a meow from my right. I had looked over my shoulder to see a tabby cat looking under a street drain. A cat was different: there was a change in my routine.

I cautiously knelt down next to the cat to see what it was doing. I remember it looking like a middle-aged feline, not a kitten but not quite an adult. It was like me: A teenager. I silently went behind, to not scare it, and gently grazed my fingers over the orange fur. The cat seemed to tense as it quickly turned around to show me its wide pupils which were hiding the true colors of its eyes. I turned over my hand so as to welcome it towards me. I knew a thing or two about cats.

I watched as the teenage cat sniffed my hand, its whiskers tickling my pale fingers. For the first time I noticed a collar on the cat. It must have an owner, then, maybe the new neighbors down the road. I scratched its chin so I could see the tag on the collar, but found none. The cat seemed to enjoy the attention though because I remember the feel of the vibrations in its throat.

This was a male cat, I had no doubt. It looked up to me, his eyes slightly more dilated to show hints of green. It meowed as it took a step near the street drain and pawed the concrete.

“What’s wrong? What is it?” I might have been talking to a cat but at least it wasn’t something inanimate. I kneeled down so that I could see under the drain’s top. I saw something shine and I concluded he must have dropped something. I looked at the feline. “I have to get to school. I’ll get it for you later,” It kept looking to the drain and then to me with its wide eyes. He was luring me to do something; He was acting so much like a human. I let out a sigh as I pulled my long light blue sleeve up to my elbow, it was October after all, and I slowly put my hand under the top of the drain to see if I could reach whatever it was. It didn’t look like it had fallen to the bottom so maybe it caught on something.

I felt around, my face twisted in disgust, until I felt something hard. I grabbed it and pulled it out of the drain. I held it up to the sun to see that it was the tag that was missing from the cat’s collar. I held it out to the tabby. “Is this yours?” I must have been because he rubbed my hand, arching his back as he did so. I put it back onto his collar and attempted to read it but it seemed to be in a different language.

I rubbed his ear as I saw how happy he seemed as it rubbed up against me. “I won’t ever know your name, will I?” I smiled and stood up. I still had school, after all. I now noticed how green the cat’s eyes were: A brilliant emerald. He took a last look at me before running off down the sidewalk. I walked back to my car and got in. Yes, a little change was nice but I didn’t know it would be the start of a chain reaction that would change my life forever.[/pre]




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Found you. You know I already love it.




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Hello! Just here to rip, tear, and smile. :D

Anything that would have taken me out of my schedule would have done, [delete comma] [s]just[/s] something.


...not a thrilling thing to do for an adventurous girl like [s]I was[/s] me.


...which was [s]then[/s] an old copper Vibe.


I [s]had [/s]looked over my shoulder to see a tabby cat looking under a street drain.


I remember it looking like a middle-aged feline, not a kitten but not quite an adult.


Double dashes! :D ...middle-aged feline--not a kitten...

I silently went behind, trying [s]to not[/s] not to scare it, and gently grazed my fingers over the orange fur.


For the first time, I noticed a collar on the cat.


I might have been talking to a cat, but at least it wasn’t [s]something[/s] inanimate.


“I have to get to school. I’ll get it for you later,” [period instead of comma] It kept looking to the drain and then to me with its wide eyes.


I let out a sigh as I pulled my long light blue sleeve up to my elbow, it was October after all, and I slowly put my hand under the top of the drain to see if I could reach whatever it was.


Remember those handy double dashes earlier? Use those around "it was October after all" instead of the commas. :)

It didn’t look like it had fallen to the bottom, so maybe it caught on something.


It must have been because he rubbed my hand, arching his back as he did so.


I put it back onto his collar and attempted to read it but it seemed to be in a different language.


Eww, shouldn't it be cleaned first? Lol

I rubbed his ear as I saw how happy he seemed [s]as it[/s] and rubbed up against me.


I think he should've washed his hands before getting in the car, lol.

Overall, good story. ^^ I'm curious about the cat now. You write very well. I only found typos and possible suggestions. The plot was good, and your description is good too. Not much else to put down. Besides the fact that he didn't clean up after digging in a sewer, it all seems pretty realistic. :D

I'd like to read more. Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.




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Well as far as i know JabberHut already pointed out all the mistakes. Like JabberHut i am really curious about the cat but i have my theories about the rest of your story. Write the first chapter and prove them wrong please.


by the way JabberHut, Tadatori53's characters a girl i think. (It is isn't it??)
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Who is not Insane one man ask, the answer being a fool.
Are you Insane the same man asks, - "Oh yes!. The Mad Hatter being saner!"




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All the mistakes have been found I see, but apart from that, I really like your style. That was a very cute piece, quite sad in parts as well! As a reader, you engaged very well and although quite basic, a very profeesional and good piece. Hardly exciting, but as prologue very good indeed. It makes me want to read more without suspence, battles that sort of thing, which is excellent. I find that to be a very challenging thing to do. I have to say though, the storyline lacks excitement. I woul love something to just jump out at the nd and try to eat her. Having said that, the cat makes me curious, like a religious symbol. Very nice overall, keep at it!

Good Luck,

Mark
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.



It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
— Mark Twain