Essay of the future

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Other
Points 2570
Reviews 245
Prompt in a nutshell: How the world will be 50 - 100 years from now. Not how it should be, how it will be. Back it up. About 500 words.

707 words. :razz:




Just as we have seen many changes in the past century, people can expect many changes to occur in the next fifty to one hundred years. Come areas that have changed in the past will continue to change in the future. Such areas include the medical field and gender and racial issues. However, even areas that seem to have remained stagnant will also, finally, change. In the future, the area of medicine will see changes in how surgery is done; changes in racial issues will alter how interracial marriages are viewed; and education will become more personalized and technology based.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the medical field will continue to change as we move into the future; one significant change will be how surgeries are performed. At the moment, some doctors are using computers to perform surgery. The doctors are still mainly in control, but the computer is more accurate and safer than regular surgery performed by hand because it can make smaller incisions and is more detailed. The downfall is that the machine is huge and virtually takes up the entire room. Computerized surgery is much safer, but should something go wrong, it would be difficult for the doctors to come in and remove the equipment. It is difficult enough to maneuver in the same room as the giant computer with only one person. It could be very dangerous for the person undergoing the surgery should there be a sudden need for multiple doctors to remove the robot-like hands from the body. In the near future, however, the size will decrease, and the risk level will go down. The computer will also become smarter so that eventually, people will only be needed on the off chance that something did go wrong. It will also become a more common tool to have in hospitals. By looking at the history of computers, we can see this is a reoccurring pattern. Things start out big, stupid and do very little, and gradually shrink, become ‘smarter’, and their usefulness increases.

Another thing that will change is how interracial marriages are viewed. At the moment, people think twice about it because it seems strange and is not the cultural norm of today’s society. Some interracial marriages are currently less accepted than others, with white and black possibly being the least accepted. In the future, however, it will not be uncommon to see a black and white married couple. Already it is becoming more common, as more African American women marry white men. The reason for this is more and more African American women are becoming highly educated and succeeding in high level careers; however, they are having difficulty finding African American men who match them in this. One hundred years from now, people won’t consider it as strange, if at all, for interracial marriage to occur.

Perhaps one of the biggest transformations in the future will be in the education system. The current system was designed to produce factory workers. One can question whether it even succeeds in this, as only two thirds graduate. The education system will need to become more tailored to the student, also known as personalized learning. Teachers will teach students based on their preferred or dominant learning style, and students will be able to learn from anywhere, at any time. Online schools will be as common as site-based, if not more so as our technology continues to grow. Already, we are seeing more online education opportunities, not only in colleges, but in high schools and K-8 home schooling groups. The traditional school system is losing students to personalized learning programs. If they do not change their ways to become more tailored to the student, they will die out. Either way, the education system will be changed.

Many more changes will happen in the medical field, racial issues, and the education field beyond those mentioned here. In addition, changes will occur I many more areas in our society. As one change leads to another, especially in the area of technology, addition changes tend to happen exponentially. As such, the changes mentioned here are probably only modest ones and less revolutionary than those we will actually see to come.
Necropolis SB / Necropolis DT

Once was Dreamer, is now LowKey_Lyesmith.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 516
Interestig. I thought it was good, bu you repeated yourself alot. For instance:

Such areas include the medical field


area of medicine


the medical field


This is just in two paragraphs. Perhaps not using the word medical all the time, because it was very annoying.

I'm also sure I saw a typo somewhere in there, but I can't find it now.

Is this for school? Or just something you wrote? It sounds like a school topic.

Overall, it was very interesing, but needs fixing up.
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 36
As for this evaluation, keep in mind that I do not know what this essay is for.

Just as we have seen many changes in the past century, people can expect many changes to occur in the next fifty to one hundred years.


I find this a somewhat prosaic opening. Try something a little more daring. And "fifty to one hundred years" could easily be replaced with "century," and the meaning will be retained.

Come areas that have changed in the past will continue to change in the future.


Spelling error. Also, this is another rather obvious statement.

However, even areas that seem to have remained stagnant will also, finally, change.


"also, finally, change" sounds odd. Pick "also" or "finally"--not both. Good word choice with "stagnant."

In the future, the area of medicine will see changes in how surgery is done


Confusing.

changes in racial issues will alter how interracial marriages are viewed; and education will become more personalized and technology based.


Seems redundant and a little illogical. Alteration of how interracial marriages are viewed seems an example of changes in racial issues, not an effect, as this passage implies. Also, "technology based" should have a hyphen in it. The semicolon is unnecessary.

Perhaps not surprisingly

Choose one or the other: "perhaps" or "not surprisingly." Perhaps obviously won't work, because the medical field will change no matter what, but "not surprisingly" sounds extremely boring.

I won't continue to meticulously examine the rest of the piece--my comments are all of the same caliber. To be blunt, you need to make the piece more interesting. Make observations that are less obvious.

Your transitions are typical. One paragraph should flow into the next. Watch out for clear "transition words." Also, don't say "perhaps" when the statement isn't particularly insightful or unique.

Furthermore, vary your sentence structure. It's monotonous.
t h e m o r r o w
there is no gene for the human spirit

>>Online Writing Contest for Charity: Please Respond
[http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic32589.html]<<



“And how shall I think of you?' He considered a moment and then laughed. 'Think of me with my nose in a book!”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell