The Princess In You

I usually don't write poems so I had no idea what poem catigory I should have put it in.
Anyways, this is a poem that I wrote for my friend's little sister...last year.
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The Princess In You

Did you know?
That you are a princess
Too pretty for princes
And to good for crowns

You live in a castle
With high pink ceilings
That reach the sky
To fill with your dresses

Everyone knows you are a princess
You don't nedd a test
To sleep on beds
With peas under them

Just be yourself
And people will see
The real princess in you
_________________________

I made it so that a little girl who loves pink will love it.

It is not that great...

Don't worry about which category of poetry to put it in because you probably put it in the best one. It ain't dramatic because you are talking to only one person; it ain't lyrical as you aren't expressing any inner desires; and it ain't narrative 'cause no story is involved.


However Pawprint, what you must do before posting your poetry or any work is to proofread it for simple errors first! "Need" is not spelled "nedd," unless I missed a meeting last night where they changed the spelling. Also, "everyone" is spelled "every1"! Well, no.

The 'too' and 'to' thing mixed me up for a long time when I was younger, but it's important to get them right. Use 'to' in front of verbs or as a verb. For instance, "To go to the store;" "To clean the dirty dog;" or "I want to mix together apples and chocolate."

In this line:
"And to good for crowns "
'To' is not in front of a verb; it's in front of an adjective. In cases like that, use 'too' because it really is qualifying the adjective much as 'very' would do. "Too good to be true;" "I love dirt too much;" "Don't eat too little peas."

Now on the quality itself, I can say truthfully as a person that is not a poet in the slightest that this poem needs work. However, you also set for yourself a goal here: that is, to make it such that a little girl who loves pink will like it. If you succeeded in that, then your poem is indeed a success.

But, don't worry that your poem needs work or is not great! That's actually one of the wonders of writing; as long you continue to write, you will improve, and you will always keep improving.

But of course, my best advice is proofread what you write

Ooh, Nate reviewed this Feel special, lol.

I agree with what he says about proofreading; it's important before you post to make your work as error free as possible. That way, critiquers can focus on the content and structure more than those niggling little grammatical and spelling errors!

You're right in saying that this poem is not great. At the moment, it's a bit stiff, but there's potential for it to be really good if you're willing to work on it a bit. Part of the problem I think is that you have no punctuation. Punctuation really helps the reader to understand what you're saying and give the poem a better flow than if you try to read it all in one breath XD Also, it jumps between ideas a little too quickly. Some of your concepts - for example, the high pink ceilings and rooms to fill with dresses - could really use some fleshing out. At the moment it feels like you're missing or ignoring opportunities to expand the reader's imagination.

Aside from proofreading and punctuation, I think my most important piece of advice for you would be to expand on your ideas a bit more, preferably using some more imagery (e.g. metaphors and similes). There are a lot of ideas here that are only half conceived and I'd really like to see you follow them up.

Cheers,
~bubbles

Hey Paw!
Loved your poem, showed your true colors. Liked the idea!
Nothing wrong here! PM me sometime k?
shanan-cat!
*leaves a pawprint*

*won't state the spelling and punctuation mistakes already listed* Loved your idea for this poem, however, take another look at it and revise it, make it more poetic, and try to focus on tone. Tone can really either make or break your poem. Also try to throw in some alliteration, it will create Rhythm. Great start though!

NICE JOB I LIKED IT ALOT KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

The title caught my eye immediately; a little prince or princess lives in everyone of us!

Did you know?

That you are a princess

Too pretty for princes

And to good for crowns

Nice opening, though the question mark should only after "crowns". Also, it's "too", not "to".

In the third stanza, it's "need", not "nedd", like Nate kindly pointed out already.

I liked the idea, it was sweet, but I think you could make it even better by adding one or two stanzas or expanding things a little more. Keep up!

Best wishes
Demeter xx

It's a nice poem, but it doesn't make too much of an impact. You need to clean up your grammar as the other posters have said. It flows well, though, and I'm sure a little girl who loves pink will enjoy reading it. In one stanzas you made a fairytale reference that relates to the story of the princess and the pea. Perhaps you could extend this poem with a few more fairytale princesses.