These Tears

These tears are manufactured
At the Factory of Abomination,
A fractured license to produce
My pain
A lifetime supply of sorrows
The vision can’t recognise tomorrow
I can’t wait for the day
My Heavenly Father wipes my tears away!

These tears are manufactured
At the Factory of Abomination,
Cruelty led me to cry
My aching mind wails inside
‘Lord, come for me!’
See,
I just can’t wait for the day
My Heavenly father wipes my tears away!

These tears are manufactured
At the Factory of Abomination,
Even though I lay waste in the dark,
I know where the Light shines.
The stripes brought me to weep
And chastisement made me whine!
So, I can’t wait for that day
When my Heavenly Father wipes my tears away!

"Yes, I am coming soon." Revelation 22:20

Wow, I don't seem to have a critique! Great job! So, I guess I might as well say what I liked. I love the change in mood by the end! I think the structure''s just fine, and the entire piece seemed to flow greatly! I liked the repeating sections. Although the lines we're short, they didn't seem to be that way because of a lack of things to say. I think my favorite line of it was "Even though I lay waste in the dark,/I know where the Light shines." Also, everyone loves a good biblical reference!

Hmm. You have a good grasp of rhythm and keep to it well; the repetition is used effectively, and I like the tone throughout. A few bits need to be edited for clarity - "the stripes brought me to weep" makes little sense to my mind. On rereading, there were times I felt the repetition was a shade too much, so you might want to tone it down just a little.

Not my cup of tea, being an atheist, and this sing-songy rhythm might be better set to music, but overall good job.

Cheers,
~bubbles

Thank you all for the comments! appreciate it! Will hopefully find time to edit it and...yes, that. Thanks again!

God Bless, KIM

It was beautiful... I'm sorry but I'm a good at critiquing work. I liked it a lot.