Jealousy

Carly was a nice friendly girl until her sister Samantha was born. This was her story. I Carly was 6 years old at the time when my mother found out she was going to have a baby. I thought "Yeah I finally get someone to play with". But that wasn't how it turned out to be. When mother gave birth to Samantha I was ecstatic. But when mom and Sam came home she never spent anytime with me. All I was being in the way. So I kept the jealousy inside of me because i didn't want them to know I was jealous of my own sister.
So the next morning she tried to take us to the store but when Sam started to cry she just took her home and i had to go. But everytime I cried when I was little she made me go anyway and that is when i said something, "HEY! Why whenever Sam cries you take her home but whenever I cried you just took me anyway?"
"Well you were all I had back then." Mom said.
" This isn't fair! You never do anything with me anymore. You don't even tuck me into bed anymore!" I sobbed.
" I am so sorry that i haven't payed any attention to you Carly I was just all caught up with the new baby." Mom replied.
"Well can you try to notice me once in a while?" I asked
"Of course now that we are all settled." She said.
The next couple of years were pleasant and i was happy by that time I gave up the jealousy and went on with my life.

Hello there Gothgirl01. ^_^

I could go over spelling and grammar errors in this, but I'll leave that for another time. (Try re-reading this a few times to spot them yourself; proof-reading is a vital skill for a writer.)

Rather, I think the best piece of advice I can give you here is: show, don't tell. For example, in this story you tell us that Carly is jealous of her baby sister:

But when mom and Sam came home she never spent anytime with me. All I was being in the way. So I kept the jealousy inside of me because i didn't want them to know I was jealous of my own sister.

This is emotionally unengaging. Showing us Carly's jealousy (and why she's jealous) would be far more effective. This could be done, for example, by writing the scene in which Carly's mom first neglects Carly in favour of Samantha, prompting feelings of sadness and rejection from Carly, which could manifest in some way (such as Carly misbehaving/for attention). By showing us these things, the reader would be able to better understand - and more importantly, feel - the jealousy of Carly.

Of course, the scene I suggested was just that - a suggestion. This is your story, and as such, how you go about showing Carly's jealousy is up to you.

Keep on writing.

-- Sureal ^_^

Double post.

**LOCKED**