Music of the planets.

Hark! Sonnet!
Sweet music of the distant worlds!
For I know nothing of thee,
Nor do I want to.

Silver lines hold thee, golden spheres support thee,
In the pitch sky
Dotted with candles of angels!
I hear sweet music of the planets!

O, metatron!
My ears are like wanton flies,
To thy music of the planets, mathematical complexity.
In thou's purest fom. Divine!

Circle us! Circle us!


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^^^
Points donation to anyone who can tell me what I wrote this about.

The poem itself is really good, not sure what it's about though... i have it on the tip of my tongue, nope, don't have it. good job, though.


Jenni321

I liked it and I thought it was very nice. Can't wait for more.

Mmm. As a poem, this does very little for me. The antiquated language obscures more than it clarifies, in my opinion. Perhaps you could work on that. Oh, and I think "thou's" is better as "thy" or "thine"? Not sure of the grammar there, but "thou's" seems wrong.

Overall, I suppose it was OK. You did manage to convey some sense of the poet's excitement, but I'd have preferred it if you could have done this without the over-use of exclamation marks. Also, as a reader I felt there was little to connect with. I had no clue as to what this was about, although it did put me in mind of angels, Galileo and "The Music of the Spheres" at various moments. Unfortunately, when the reader is left floundering amidst a variety of different meanings and possibilities it becomes difficult to enjoy or engage with a poem.

I suggest rewriting this to make your meaning and intentions clear.

Cheers,
~bubbles

it was ok...nice and...well, nice

I think it was pretty good!

WindyForbode wrote:In thou's purest fom. Divine!

I assume you meant to write "form"?