God Knew

God knew that we all needed someone,
To show us love and cheer,
To show us that all’s not lost,
That someone is still near

God knew that we needed someone kind,
To get us through the rough,
Someone who wouldn’t mind,
When things got really tough.

He knew we all needed someone,
To help us through the day,
To show us courage and bravery,
When troubles came our way.

God knew we needed someone,
Who’d always make us smile ,
To ease our pain and sorrows,
For just a little while.

God knew we needed someone,
Someone called a friend,
Someone who’s always there,
Always til the end.

It's good. At first, I thought it was going to be a bit preachy, but it's good :D:D:D I suggest you get into depth with this. Repeating "God knew that we all needed someone" Makes the poem feel rushed, since we already know what it says. Also, that sentence seems rather long and throws of your rhythm.

You can be a lot more creative with the rhyming and wording as well. Grab our attention. Excite us, move us, etc. Rhyme parts of words ['heart' 'impart', etc.] So far it sounds like a rhyming list of good attributes. Give us some feeling. "Someone to feel the rush of fear, the joy of my heart..." etc.

Otherwise, I thought it was pretty good for a spurr of the moment thing... or rather, something you just wrote.

Please continue your work. I would enjoy reading more :D

That was really good. I agree with ST, though. I feel as if this scripture should follow the poem, to answer who god gave us:

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

That's just something I think would make it sweet.
Happy Writing

--Lucky

I'm not sure Ducky. I think it's good the way it is. I mean, since she doesn't specifically state who the person is, people can make that person whoever they want, and apply it to themselves better. Do you see what I mean?
:D:D:D

I like it. especially the part about how H'e there forever

Oh yeah, You are right... oh well, that was just a suggestion anyway.. Thanks ST

--Lucky

My first thought: preachy. I'm a Godless Heathen™, but I'm not against religious poetry. What makes this one sound preachy, I think, is the repetition of "God knew ..." I think it would be stronger if you just said it once.

Now, not so much on the content as the form: the rhyme/rhythm scheme seems forced in places, especially the last line of the last stanza and the second line of the second stanza.

Overall, this isn't so bad, but it's not great, either. (& I'm not just saying this because I'm nonreligious.) I think you're working with a powerful subject, so you need to put more effort into using equally powerful vocabulary and feeling. As it is, this poem fails to evoke any strong emotions, when it should make the reader feel inspired.

(An example of really excellent "religious poetry," that's moving without being preachy is Paul Simon's Outrageous, which I think has a similar message to your poem. Well, the bit about God does (it's not the focus of the whole song.))

Jenni I agree with Meep...this is a powerful subject you are working with......but I really liked it.....Also it does sound a lil preachy but it's good.....and the way you expressed it could've had a lil more dept but i got the message that everyone needs someone like that....Good job though ^^


-Uo The lady in gray

YW Ducky

This was a nice change, now-a-days no one even mentions that God is up there...some where

This was really good! I loved it!

I really liked this, i wouldnt remove all the lines "God Knew we needed someone."
It is a statement you are making with each paragraph.

It flowed well and the ryming was very good using sylables. I also agree that it is nice to see someone write about God. He isnt mentioned much anymore.

Your poem is very good, (even if you just wrote it). it sounded to me like you put thought into it.

Carl

You know what, I am not just going to put down this poem because I don't believe in god... It was good... even if he isn't physically here to read it... i'm sure (as I take it you believe) that he is watching down from heaven, smiling.

That was very good, i really enjoyed it, it gave me tingles!!!
And your rythem was awesome it drew me to keep on reading.
You should publish a book someday! _Banana!

The main qualm I had is it seems to be the Judeo-Christian God that you're talking about, and yet you never mention Jesus at all. Which is weird, because the poem looks like it's going to turn into a huge crescendo at the end where it will be acknowledged that Jesus died for our sins, etc., but... nothing happens. There is no climax, no extraordinary moment of revelation, no epiphany. And that's a shame.

Make there something special at the end. This poem is right now too bland. Give it some pizzaz!