Emo

Phindin wrote:

Hunter wrote:Obviously, with responses like that. Be constructive, or don't comment.

Touché Master Mod, but I was offering an honest suggesion in my mentioning of medication and the like. So sorry if it wasn't "constructive" enough for you.

You are supposed to comment on the work, not the author.

Snoink wrote:You are supposed to comment on the work, not the author.

Technically, it was a comment on the work, because it's plain that the author is talking about himself in the piece. If he's talking about himself in the work, why can't I talk about him?

Also, I don't particularly enjoy being specifically targeted for my post when others before mine deal mostly with personal squabbles or "What are you guys talking about anyway?"

It's an interesting subject to write about. Others have tried abortion, cloning, rape but I've seen few who have seriously tried to write about cutting. You start off well with some effective techniques (The capitalisation of the list of words was effective) but towards the end it descends into a bit of a rant. Try to structure this more and maybe generalise it a little. Drawing on your own experience works well but you have to be careful to present it in a way that it has the right effect on your audience.

What response was you looking for? If you was looking for people to be creeped out, you need more graphic imagery (and a rating) or if you want your audience to sympathise with cutters then try to turn it into more of a narrative. Introduce your characters (whether they be people you know or fictional) through story. Tell your reader how they have been mistreated and then go on to explain how it led them to cutting and close to suicide.

Really it depends on whether you want this as an effective piece of writing or an expression of emotion. It could be both of course but it needs some work.

Hope this helps,

Heather xx

P.S. I don't think cutting is right but only because I worry for your health and if you ever want to talk to someone about it, I wont mock you.

Well isn't emo about letting your own feelings of sadness out for the world to see? If people think that emo people are odd, why should they bottle those feelings up on the inside? Nobody tells emo people to hurt themselves, they do it under their own free will, and if they are not acting under their own free will then there are drugs for that.
(Just playing devil's advocate)

Don't feel so bad. Many consider me Emo. It caused me to experience depression. I'm still on medication and it's been two years. Even so, I got over it. I realized through all of my turmoil I had gain understanding of the world around me. Many have told me I could be a philosopher and I believe it.

I found a purpose and you all can too. Think about who you are and look at yourself from another point of view. My goal is to change this world through words. I want to teach people understanding through seeing. To teach people to look at the situation through another point of view. It may not happen right away, but if just one person can see as I do, than my dream will live on.

With a dream we find a purpose. With a purpose we find contempt. With contemptment we can see. With sight we understand. With understanding we know. With knowledge we live. The code I live by. it can help any one. I hope that was constructive.